Ashes' Lair

We the animals take control...

2011-02-10T21:24:00.000-08:00

I know! It's been a while since I last wrote. You'd be SUPRISED just how much shit has happened and ironically just how lame things are right now. Actually, main reason why I haven't written?

There's not much to WRITE about.

Things that might have some relative interest to the reader since the last time I wrote?

- Giovanni is now GIOVANNA. No sex change involved (at least not like an operation). It was simply a creator decision. I guess "Denial" ain't just a river alright.

- Giovanna and Carol aren't "best friends" (unless friendship suddenly became a hedious excuse for very obvious female attention competition).

- Carol is dating Nathaniel (I know... how did THAT happen, right?)

- Veronique is dating.... eh... yeah, I still don't know who she's dating, neither do I care, honestly.

- Elena is dating Leo. (okay, who didn't see THIS one coming? The tension's been there like forever. One thrashed apartment later they realized they should be together. And it only took like 10 years and like a million dollars in furniture repair).

- Vincenzo and Anna are dating. (I know... I've never mentioned them before so why the hell should it matter NOW? :P)

- Eric and Caterina are still THE ITEM. Whoot for them. They're like the best :) (It's so obvious that I love them too much, isn't it? So I give 'em a hands up, you better too!)

- Lucy got married to someone that didn't EXIST two years ago, so Go LUCY! You forced a character into existence and got him to marry you! KUDOS.

- Draven and Lin are dating. (Yeah, I think I mentioned this one last time. I also give my thumbs up to this relationship)

- Marie is dating the guy who played the Giant in Jack & The Beanstock. (jk. She is dating a Giant, but he's real cool <3 A lot of more love there)

- Kyle is no longer almighty, he just sticks to gambling these days (and well, to woman [except Giovanna]).

- Julian and Rudyard are still the super couple. Who can beat Julian? Pfft. No one. Dude is evil (liking that :D)

- Christian is still loving chocolate (whoot!) but wants to be befriend Kyle (WTF?) to fuck with his head! (YAyz!) He made a small pathetic Cat post some months ago, but we'll forgive him for that.

- Some other characters are fucking around, but let's face it, who really cares about THEM?

Me? I'm still with Rink. OBVIOUS. There's absolutely no doubt there, is there? He's mine! And I love it that way, biatches! :D

And that's about it...

Am I really missing something?

HMMMMm....

Oh well... ~shrug~

I know, I'm being totally mean in some cases, but let's face it, the more badass, the better. Gimme 5!

>:)

Hallow's EVE

2009-10-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

Hello EVERYBODY!! October 24th is Linkin Park day! It was nine years ago that they released Hybrid Theory, one of their BEST records ever! So, YEAH. We admire them, we love them, bow to those dudes, they deserve it!

Can you guys imagine when Overdose turns 9 years old? That's hardcore right there!

Anyways, Halloween is right around the corner, and we're all discussing what the hell should we wear....

"Fuck no! You're KIDDING me!" I laughed. Draven, Alex, and Lin were with me as we excited the studio.

"No. We've decided on it!" Lin said with a small cute frown.

I turned to Draven. "YOU DECIDED ON IT!?" I laughed a little louder.

He flushed slightly. "Yeah, we both reached a consensus."

Lin placed herself in front of me. It was impossible not to stare, first hand, at the neon earrings and the huge red strike in her raven hair. "See! See! The thing is Ashes. *I* wanted to go as Hinata and Naruto, but then that would've been complicated because it hasn't happened yet and maybe maybe secretly I want Naruto to end up with Sakura, although she's an idiot."

I didn't get shit, but I saw Draven nodding vigorously.

"Then I suggested we go as a YAOI couple! You know, Naruto and Gaara, but Draven didn't like that idea."

"HELL NO. Gaara is way too cool to be in love with a punk like Naruto."

Lin turned towards him. "NARUTO IS THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEST!"

And they started bickering. As they did, I slid my hands inside my pockets and looked at Alex. "What will you dress as?"

"Snow White."

There was a long silent between us.

"Ha. Ha. Dudette, o'course not." He said incredibly serious. "Actually, it'll be little bo beep."

Another long silence.

"You fell for that, didn't you, of course not..." he repeated. By this time, I was wondering what exactly Alex had consumed THIS time. "The truth is..."

I stared at him, expectant. "Aja...?"

He inhaled on his cigarette and blew "I'm not saying."

......... "THE HELL YOU MAKING ME LOSE MY TIME WITH! WHY didn't YOU JUST SAY SO FROM THE BEGINNING!"

"Because I love how mad you get." he smirked.

"THE POINT IS!" I jumped as Lin suddenly appeared before me like the ninja she thought she was "We decided we're going as Tamahome and Miaka!"

This time there was an even bigger silence than before, as Alex and I both turned towards Draven.

"Yo!" I smirked, barely being able to contend the malicious and teasing aura that had possessed me. "Could you find something CORNIER? Even I know that's like the supreme level of corny in manga/anime! It's downright pathetic!"

Draven's face was cherry red. "OH SHUT UP. IF it MAKES HER HAPPY THEN I'll do it!"

Lin blinked at him, then jumped on him from behind. "I LOVE YOUUUU!!"

He held her and somehow managed to keep his balance, but couldn't look up at how embarrassed he was, but held her close and they murmured something to each other and suddenly they were in their own world again.

I smirked as I saw them. They were awesome together. KUDOS.

"What are you dressing up as?" I saw Alex's raised eyebrows even on top of the dark glasses. "You're not wearing the sexy monkey suit again, are you?"

"No no..." I laughed. "I have to decide with Rink. I was thinking of maybe Master and Slave Girl. That's like naughty naughty."

"Hey, yeah, sounds like a good idea!"

"I know! He can even handcuff me!" I smiled happily

I heard Draven and Lin murmur something like "Lunatic..." from behind me

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR A WORD FROM EITHER YOU CORNY LOSERS!"

"Hey! Who you calling a corny loser, masochist?" Draven patted my head with his fist.

I laughed, days like these were incredibly fun. "I heard Eric wants Cat and him to go as "Caveman and Cavewoman"."

"OH MY GOD, that would be so fuuunnny!!" Lin laughed "And it would be so truee to their nature."

"They might not be brutes, but they're brutal." Draven added

"What about Leonardo and Caroline?" Alex asked behind us three.

"They're adding blasphemy to their thrill. They're going as a dirty nun and priest. He's apparently going with some holy water to sanctify "God" Eric, which will look hilarious given that he'll be dressed as a giant Caveman. I'm thinking he'll go King Kong on us all."

Draven threw his head back in laughter. "That's just too much."

"I know!"

"What about Lucille?" Lin held my hand, happily walking next to me.

I stared at her strangely, then just shrugged and continued walking. "I have absolutely no idea. She'll probably make her own costume, she's got art for that too. Last year, she decided to dress as a nymph, had half the men in the party following her around."

"Sounds like Luce alright." Draven snickered.

"Yeah, but this year is going to be much more promising. I know..."

Alex, Draven, and Lin stared at me as I walked ahead. I just heard them whisper. "Ashley is being evil again."

MUA HA HA.... let's have fun, ok? XD

9/9/9

2009-09-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

OMFG.

I could NOT let this day pass without commenting on one of the greatest events ever known to mankind: The Beatles Rock Band edition is now on sale!!

I'm a BIG Beatles Fan. I mean, you can't TRULY appreciate rock without having listened to their art. And it's ART! So, I had already preordered my game. I'm at my studio right nowm get ready to Rock, and yes baby, this is REAL rock.

Remember "ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE" and this a "REVOLUTION no. 9"

I won't be blogging again any time soon, I'm going to play!

Luv ya!

Ashes

Happy Birthday, Rink!

2009-09-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Overdosed ones!

Today, Sept. 3, is my hubbie's bday! So please give him a grand round of applause!

I love you, sweetheart, and I hope you have the best day E-vER. I'm going to try to make it so anyhow. I'll be there through thick and thin, even though obstacles might threaten everything else, nothing will ever diminish the love I feel for you. Yeah! Let's open the wine, bring on the cream, because I'm yours, forever & ever.

Love and best wishes, Ashes. <3

"Wicked Lovely" Critics

2009-09-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

So I was chatting with my friends: "who's gonna do it? who's gonna pop Wicked Lovely's cherry?"

And this reflection my friends, is incredibly important, because, hey, the world might be in danger, you might've just been abducted by faeries, you are being pursued by some dude called the Summer King, but all our main character is doing is worrying about her virginity.

I really digged the villain, Beira.... for the first 50 pages. After that, by the ending, she was a big J-O-K-E (and here I'm quoting a good friend, @nmessina). But DAMN. Here I thought we'd have, at least, some good vs. evil epic battle.

The main character? Hated her. We share the nickname and therefore she should die for disgracing the "Ash" nickname everywhere. She's weak and pathetic and her bravado might spark some interest in five of the 327 long page book, but after that she could by the Summer Shit and I couldn't care less.

As for the main male characters. On one side you have the Summer King, who the author describes like if he were some sun who'd brighten your life instantly. Luckily for the reader who's expecting some turmoil, the one girl he can't attract is the one girl he's destined for. Irony? No. BORING. Predictable. Talk about... ~yawn~ What comes up next? But, you have to give Keenan a break. It's not easy flirting for nine centuries to find "the one". That's all you have to do, big fellow, smile and bear it. And if the Summer Queen had been dead ugly, you would've had to smile and wave (with the Madasgar Pinguin's style). No man is perfect, and if a male "faerie" is the perfect male specimen, we might as well start dancing YMCA to the DJ's rhythm. Don't take me wrong, Keenan was pretty entertaining. Nothing like watching a King being utterly confused and humiliated to crack a smile on your face. Ouch.

On the other hand, we have Seth. Seth is a mortal. Boo-hoo. Um... but wait. Super Seth (who has waited six months to make a pass on the girl, let's give him an applause for his patience) eventually gains the "Sight" (kudos on originality) and he's able to see the faeries. Now, Seth has as many rings to his persona as Keenan has rays of sunshine around him. Seth is like Alex (you all know Alex, right?) but a boring version of Alex, totally and completely, stupidly enamoured with a woman who can't fend for herself. And here's my question, what is happening to men and books and main female characters? Are they all attracted to women who are not worth their salt? Like, dude... what's the lesson these books are teaching us "Be dumb and get your man?"

All in all, I kinda liked Seth. I didn't see much antagonism between Keenan and Seth, not as much as was necessary, but enough for you to tilt your head and think "what the hell".

The main plot? Stupid. I rather sit through english dubbed anime. I mean, you expect something big to happen and it never does. And when the moment of truth suddenly appears, you put the book down and stare into limbo and ask "That was it?"

Anyways, read, go ahead, go Overdosed ones and tell me what your opinion is. Overall, it is pretty entertaining. At least I can say I read it in one day, I'm sure you will too.

Adios, ppl, and remember to through some salt before the faeries abduct you. Ohhhh Scary.

Our Truth

2009-04-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

I'm obsessed with that song.

I swear.

This is the shortest post I'll ever write XD

Underworld

2009-04-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

LOVED Spain.-

The tour was COMPLETELY AWESOME, not to mention a TOTAL success. The Bernabeu was FULL of people. At the end we got to cover two of my favorite all time songs: "What I've done" from Linkin Park and "Our Truth" from Lacuna Coil. The claps, cheers and screams were deafening. I've said it before, the total adrenaline of getting onstage and performing. It transforms me... beyond!

Salamanca was great too. It was constant, nonstop partying. I had the time of my life.

Oh? And did I mention that my boyfriend was with me???? hehehehe! OMG! I'm such a freakin' schoolgirl, but I can't deny that having Rink with me made me just totally elated all the time. Aww!! And he doesn't exactly like places with a lot of people, screaming and throwing things into the air! I know just how much of a sacrifice it's for him. I love hiiiiim!

Okay, enough girlish squealing. I'm embarrassing myself :P

Thanks to the fans who assisted! Your support keeps OVERDOSE moving and growing, ever expanding, so Yayz for you!

For interviews, and concert links go to our official website please! www.overdose.com

Well, that's about as much as an update as i'm going to do right now. I have a meeting later on. Apparently, next stop is Argentina? Or Miami? We still have to determine that. The Spain tour was pretty tiring after all.

Luv, Ashes!

SpainTour 2009

2009-03-27T12:39:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

Ashes here reporting for OVERDOSE. Whao. I haven't updated since Costa Rica! Am I making it a custom to write upon an upcoming tour. Anyways. Latest news here:

Flight leaves Monday and we'll be arriving @ Barajas early Tuesday.

Concert dates are as follows, though you can check the website for some more info:

Wednesday @ 9 we'll be at the Plaza Mayor, Salamanca.

Friday @ 10, private concert at Cum Laude Bar, Salamanca. Tickects are available through Telefonica or go to our website and enter to win four free tickets. We're gonna rock the house alright.

Saturday- great concert Madrid 09. Be there at 6:00 @ the Bernabeu stadium. WARNING: a lot of people get ready to have THE time of your life.

Also, expect a great surprise from all od us after the concert. Don't miss it!!

Thanks for all the emails and fan mails, yes, I'm reading them all and you have my promise I'll include some of your suggestions in the concerts! Hope to see you soon,

Ashes! XXX

International Concerts & Concept

2008-11-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

My GOD.

The positive aspect of it all is that I've been working nonstop. We've been rehearsing and practicing, trying to make the best of this event. Today I had two performances! People absolutely loved us and we were asked to make an encore again in the midnight concert. Though gratifying, the experience is very tiresome.

Yesterday was my birthday and even though I love celebrating it, I barely had time to stop and eat a chocolate cookie in my honor! And it was a subway's cookie nonetheless! It's fun that I have a lot of things to do, but it kinda depressed me not having my loved one with me. However, things DID seem to look up when Rink called me and sent me a beautiful drawing! That was enough to make me happy for the rest of the day.

As the day reached an end and we all came back to the hotel, a bunch of people were waiting for us. Draven, Lin, and Alex were part of it all so they gave me this AWESOME gigantic party. We spent until early hours of the morning dancing a bunch of rhythms, among them reggaeton. Finally, at about 8 am when we realized we had to prepare ourselves for more concerts, we went to sleep (about two hours). It was all worth it in the end.

Birthday!

2008-11-01T23:34:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to me!

It's been pretty cool. We went to an awesome costume party yesterday! It was great because we got very elaborate costumes. We've had friends here that have taken us around everywhere and we've loved it because Ticans are extremely nice people. I didn't know what the hell I was going to dress up as, but nonetheless I was going to that party like it or not. We separated in order to surprise ourselves with each other when we got there. At the last minute I decided I was going to dress up as a villainess, and finally decided for Poison Ivy. Definitely, the costume looked very sexy on me and let's just say I made some of those girls at the bar green with envy. XD!! "Oblique" as the bar was called was enormous! Awesome lights, Plasma TVs everywhere, decoration, etc.

As I walked through the different rooms along with my friend (who was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood) we were suddenly stopped by Jigsaw. I was initially freaked because the goddamn thing even laughed like it does in Saw! I realized that under the long jacket was a particular "Overdose" tattoo and knew it was Alex instantly. We almost killed him. Lin didn't fail to perform. She appeared as Sakura from Sakura Cardcaptor. Draven made his special appearance as well, dressed as Sweeney Todd.

We had incredible fun!

And TODAY... TODAY is my birthday. Monday's the concert, so I've got a whole day full of rehearsals, but hey! I'll be sure to write about everything that happens.

LUV!

@ Costa Rica

2008-10-31T15:26:00.000-07:00

Ladies! Gentlemen!

Overdose is officially at Costa Rica.

Okay. So we left early this morning. We were aiming to travel "incognito" reason why we bought coach tickets and tried to mix in with the crowd. The airplane itself was quite comfortable: two aisles with three seats each. Draven, Lin, and I sat together and Alex sat right behind. Executive class was basically empty save two seats. Suddenly, as we're all minding our business; we, the girlas watching Moulin Rouge, and Draven reading a book of John Grisham, we here a great howl of pain from right behind us. Everyone turned their faces towards the noise. Just as sudden, two people are helping the ailing person. Amidst the strange wails of pain I realize it's Alexander. Then I see the flight attendants taking him to the front of the plane. All three of us stare worried, when, for one second he looks back, raises his glasses and winks at us.

We all gawked as the motherfucker was taken to first class for FREE.

Draven looked at me, I looked at Lin, and she looked at Draven. Wherever one of Overdose's band members are, the others are likely to follow.

"Problem is... how the hell are we going to do it?" Draven murmured.

Lin stood up and walked to the flight attendant "Excuse me... could I join my husband? I must give him his medicine every 10 minutes to keep him under control... I took a special course." The woman stared at Lin, but she smiled so sweetly and innocently that soon enough Lin was disappearing into first class.

Draven and I stared at each other. Draven smiled at me, and stood up.

"What are YOU going to do?" I stared at him perplexed.

"The one thing you CAN'T do, because you have a boyfriend." he winked at me. He approached the beautiful blonde flight attendant... I just heard something like ... "is this normal...?" he took her hand and pulled her to the back of the plane. They went into the bathroom. 20 minutes later they were walking out and she was practically dragging him to first class. I gawked as they passed me by.

I stood up. Oh, Fuck them. Ohhhhh FUCK THEM.

I walked to First Class.

"Ma'am you can't go there...." the pretty flight attendant said.

I looked at her seriously. "Those three fellows there are planning to highjack the plane and I'm agent Carlis from the FBI unit, special edition, you've all fallen into their plot."

Four minutes later, Draven Lin and Alex were still in first class, with handcuffs and I was drinking wine next to them.

Being MATURE

2008-07-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

Ah.... Being a star requires an enormous amount of patience. In fact, you have to deal with so much stuff, nothing should amaze you. Unfortunately, it still affects me. Maybe one day Ill be bitch enough to shake a cold shoulder towards it. If only. Still, I think I've managed somehow.

SO. Rink has a new 'habit'. He likes to wash me. Yes. I'm not kidding... he likes to literally take anti-bacterial soap and slam it into my hand and takes great pleasure in it. Yeah... now that I think about it, he IS like "MO". Though I try to explain that I'm EXTREMELY clean and careful about my personal hygiene (never like him though), he loves to just wash me. In fact, two days ago, he practically pushed me into the bathing tub, placed a PINK ribbon on my head and started scrubbing me! Ah! Can you even believe that? I felt like a little girl at the hands of a PERVERT! (not that I didn't like it to a certain point, mind you), especially when he went into the tub and his clothing got all wet and he looked so sexy like that... was going to drive me crazy...

... AND THEN he places JOHNSON baby oil into a cotton swab and he's going to clean my BELLY BUTTON!? The HELL!?! T_T IS it just me or is that a total... Ah! I don't know, it's so embarrassing! Not to mention it's like... ayyyy! So PRIVATE! And HE TIED ME UP!

Okay, so let's face it... it's totally cute, and I'm totally in love with him, though I want to kill him at times... though that's pretty good too because I want to scratch him and... Ah! I was reading this story "Vampire Knight", and there's a part where X (don't like spoiling) says "I only want this man's blood"; and that makes me think about Rink. I guess I'm totally intoxicated. Is that bad? Hell no, I don't think so! Though, I'm the type of person that knows what she wants and generally, I know how to get it.

It feels like I'm growing and becoming someone along with him. I've changed a bit, and maybe it's because I'm understanding him a little bit more. Is that it? Can someone influence another with such strength? Maybe I want to be my best, maybe I want to revolutionize everything I know just for the sake of proving myself to him. If that's the reason then everything else pales before his presence and I'm that much stronger because he's there with me.

Then again, there are a lot of reasons why I express myself through music, changing the subject. Primarily, I want to make myself remembered, known, create something (music fusion) never listened to before, something that changes people. I want to prove myself, build my own label, make a new way among other artists. I want to supply a fresh, new, concept, through my talent. I want to be someone admirable, idolized, followed. This is the moment, where I thank my fans!! Right now the CD is PLATINUM!! :) Who would've thought, huh? Well, I have my fellow bandmates to thank for that too. They've managed to deal with this for a LONG time, and let's face it, we've had some luck, good representation, the talent is there, and good marketing (I have at least 10 portfolios dedicated to that with more than 1000 pages) :P

We're on the cover of X magazine! Yay! Go OVERDOSE! :)

About the Tour... We'll be starting it next year, though we have some concerts in the upcoming months. We'll be performing in certain stadiums (yes, THAT big). Official dates are posted in the website. Most of them are around the perimeter!! There's only one that's really far away, in NYC, but that one's at the end of the month. ;)

I'm going to Costa Rica on November! [Concert for a Cause- Human Rights- Interamerican Courts of Human Rights is over there, so it makes sense].

Anyways, that's news for now. Keep in touch! :)

-Ashes-

Evil UNLEASHED

2008-07-15T19:06:00.001-07:00

Recently, one of my dearest friends gifted me a book.

I love books.

I especially like THIS book.

It's titled "Forbidden Knowledge: 101 things NOT everyone should know how to do" by Michael Powell.

Yeah.... I realize, I'm one of those people who just SHOULDN'T know how to make some of these things. Nonetheless, this marvelous piece of work has landed upon my hands and boy do I have some plans to make. After all, life is too short, we have to enjoy it to its max. If this means incurring in the wicked and dangerous, count me in!

I've talked all my best friends into doing it. Let's face it, we all love a little bit of turmoil here and there. So... if your car goes missing, your safe has been cracked or you're about to buy in ebay, you better watch out. This is just about to get very interesting.

For starters, today we started by the Elevator Jokes. For once, we placed a sign, which you could only see once the elevator doors shut from the inside, with a "cables broken, use elevator at your own risk". Fixing a few wires we made it so the light bulb would spark and turn on/off continously. Oh, was it funny or WHAT to hear the people screaming inside!

An hour later, we each placed ourselves in a different floor of the building next door (offices). I went into the elevator. In EACH floor I would hold the open button until one of my friends came in. HAHAHA!!! You should've seen the faces on the people inside... XD My GOD.... We laughed so hard afterwards. I think it took us like 25 minutes to finally get to the first floor and by then people wanted to kill us.

Finally, I entered a random elevator in a random place. There must've been like 10 people in there. Suddenly I started to scream. People started to scream, and then everyone started squishing around, until at the first stop everybody got off the elevator. I stayed behind, cracking up.

Ah... giving me this book: grave mistake.

Next... Watch out for your cars! <3

Hidden innermost deepest darkest fantasies involving Julian (Caroline)

2008-07-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

1.

Crashing Julian's car and me wearing a strap on fucking him from behind with the flames of the vehicle warming our skins as we fuck out of our minds.

2.

Nailing (literally) Julian into a wall while I take him into me and suck the blood off his palms and fuck him until we faint.

3.

Tying a rope around Julian's neck and controlling his breathing while we do each other slowly and as he's about to orgasm I hold the rope so tightly he faints and only I orgasm in the pleasure of seeing him passing out.

4.

Having him caged into a big golden cage and taking him out only to watch him being done by Rudyard or Eric. I'd touch myself as they fuck away.

--

Finito

luv, Caroline

Hidden innermost deepest darkest fantasies involving Julian (MINE)

2008-07-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

I have So many deep deep dark secret fantasies with Julian... I can't even begin to name them. It's like, I think about Julian 24/7, because... he... he.... he's SO sexy, and GAY, it makes me want to JUMP on him. Yeah.... um... yeah... totally, I'm writing this and I'm getting horny.

Fantasy # 1:
Placing a viking hat on Julian.
Alright, so let's admit it, once I've considered having a threesome with him and my boyfriend, though Julian, sorry, you were straight, and you kept away from my bf's ass.

Fantasy #2:
Having Julian film Rink and Me while doing it! hehehe... Ah! I'd love to make a porn video :P

Fantasy #3:
Watch Julian doing Eric/Rudyard, while I blow Rink.

Fantasy #4:
Julian and all his puppies in a wild orgy, finally including Rink and me into the package, I, of course being the center of all these hot men's attention. Eh...

...I think I've said wayyyy too much XD

Fe de Errata

2008-07-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hi. This post has one purpose and one purpose alone: CLARIFY.

1. The Single, which you would do good to remember because it's sure to be the next Grammy winner with oh-so much TALENT is titled "VANITY FARE". As in...

V-A-N-I-T-Y F-A-R-E

As in Fare "the fee paid by a traveler allowing him or her to make use of a public transport system: rail, bus, taxi, etc.".

2. I DO NOT rap in the whole album. It is a mix of Nu Metal, Alternative Rock, and Techno, building a whole new musical style.

3. This rising star is funding her own career alright, with HARD WORK and TALENT. Though that's obvious just listening to the song.

4. In a personal answer to a particular question about my album: why don't you find out? I thought you were *THE* gossip guy, after all. ;)

(btw, you'll be happy to hear I'm sending you a free copy of the CD; I can autograph it anytime you want, darling, though you might want to get in line)

So much for gossip <3

luv,

Ashes

Maybes

2008-07-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

Draven has decided to join the puppy patrol. Though he claims it's not the big deal and that he's just doing it for the heck of it, I consider it a great opportunity for him to have some fun! Go, D! He's had his share of girls and true to his rocker self, he enjoys a good tumble every once in a while and/or after each concert. Now, he's running the race as puppy #3 and I think he'll get something out of it (something will definitely go into him). I shouldn't kid around with that.

Alex is next to me as I write this article. He's babbling about nature and music... And he's not even high this time. He's in one of these 'clean' periods.

Lin is cooking. Tonight it's sandwhich for the rockstars.

I turn to the TV and I see the billboards; I look at the computer again. I turn on the radio and it's there. Everywhere I listen to us. I wonder if it's bad that I don't feel as excited as my friends do. I wonder if there's something not going exactly according to plan.

Carol dropped by today too. She came to bring me a giant nutella cake to 'celebrate'. We went down to the studio.

Carol smiled at me happily once we were alone. "I'm so glad for you, cuz! I guess you've got hundreds and hundreds of ideas and plans!!"

She was so happy it almost made me cringe. She had always been the 'everything will be alright' type. However, lately, she was the 'everything is perfect' type. Nonetheless, seeing my cousin like that made me happy too; I did love her tons.

I laughed "Yeah well... I've got a few."

"Hey Ash..." Her voice dropped an octave and her eyes looked at me tenderly. "You should know he's here."

This time I really did cringe. "What?" I turned to her.

She placed both her hands on my shoulders. "And he's got big plans."

"He ALWAYS DOES!" Ah!!

"He's your manager." Carol patted my head "You might want to reconsider things from this point on." she opened her cel as she received a message "Ah! I have to go! Love you, cuz!" She gave me one last look. "I believe in love, Ash, but I also believe in staying focused. Remember that."

I bit my lips. Easy for her to say.

It was her brother coming to fuck me over.

Cut The Crap

2008-07-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

Please give me a second to Relax, give me a minute to find myself-- Wait... STOP.HaHA... The rhythm and music of bands surround me. The lyrics are beautiful.. some are heart-breaking, some send chills down my whole body. I want to surpass this place. The world is nothing to me. I'm not scared at what the future holds in its grasp, in fact, I look forward to it. It's haunting how I can't seem, to find myself again.

Is everyone ready for this? What is going on with everybody? Wake up, we're about to begin. The music is barely getting started and the party is in its heights. It's Ashley Vasser, about to take the stage. People shout, the music begins to echo in the stage... I feel myself getting lost, confusing what is real. This feeling, the adrenaline going through my veins, it's kRaWliNG inside my skin.

I walk towards the light. Why should I worry? Why should I care? I was born to be precisely here. In this moment, where I'm with my music, where I can perform... I feel alive. This is who I am. I don't need to keep looking for myself. Here is where I leave my memory, my fate, my everything. I belong to sound. Pure happiness, draining... pumping my very veins. Every eye is on me, every person screams as they wait for them to be taken by the same adrenaline that has suddenly filled me up. What is wrong now? You can't hear it? The drums start... the percussion takes over... Draven's electric guitar conquers the applause, the walls behind us light up. I know our shadows almost disappear. We become one with the stage.

There. Nothing else. I lose sense of 'me' as the whole concert consumes me. Completely. I think about him, I think that I'm sharing this feeling of entirety with him. Down with the enemy... a place for my head.

This is it. Guitar, Repercussion, Keyboard, Bass.... they're all their. I close my eyes, I think about another place; I think about an RPG game, like I'm the main character. Hell... I open my eyes. My friends are smiling; the giant screens are reflecting our image. I see my smirking face, my killer outfit and bury myself in this memory of what it is about to happen. Does it make sense? It's not meant to! That's for me to understand... only when you're up there can you get it.

OVERDOSE - Cover of "Faint" by Linkin Park.

You thought I couldn't rap? You haven't seen anything yet. Bring it on. Ha. NO really. Look at me perform. Look at me break this stage. Come on... feel it. Join me. You like to think you're someone. You live what you do. Everybody's jumping.

I am... a litte bit of loneliness. A little bit of disregard

A handful of complaints, but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars

I am... what I want you to want, what I want you to feel

but it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real

So, I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do, face away, pretend that I'm not, but I'll be here, because you're all that I've got.

I can't feel, the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored

Time won't heal, this damage anymore, don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored.

Ah. Live it. Feel it. The intense rhythm, the guitar, the vocals, the inmensity of it all. It converts you, transforms you. Here me out now, you're gonna listen to me like it or not. And then you dare tell me that you can't hear it? That it's not real, that life isn't worth living. Oh please. Cut the Crap.

Quite before the storm or after it?

2008-07-01T10:05:00.001-07:00

Everyone seems to be so quite after the accident. Well, it seems like everyone has something to think about anyway. Eric's as loud as always, even changing his blog:

supremelightningrod.blogspot.com

On the other hand, I heard some rumors about people getting together to destroy gossip guy. They'd have to find him first, though.

Carol is among this group of people. Still, I don't understand why XD I think it's kinda cute that she was wearing that for Nathan... out of character, but still quite cute. Well, beats me! If she wants to hunt down GG it's her right.

I always seem to be in the wrong place, wrong time. As I was walking towards another Student Council meeting, I found Leo and Marie, secluded in their own little world. It looked like Leo was about to attack her (or eat her up), whichever they might prefer. Agreeing with the general tide, they do make a nice little couple.

I've received about 40 emails from different people concerning Student Council activities. Like what the hell? Don't these people take a rest?

I wonder what sleeping feels like, since I've lacked some of it all week. While Leo is occupied, the infirmary is left ALONE! Yay! I'll have a place to take a nap after all.
.... Hmm... I want chocolate!

Introducing OVERDOSE

2008-06-30T19:44:00.001-07:00

You might've seen us, cause we're always around. Meet OVERDOSE --->

Not accordingly

2008-06-30T06:41:00.001-07:00

Everyone's talking about the Accident.

I was worried about him too. I know I didn't express it until I saw him, but that's just the way I am. My cousin was freaking out and sobbing and a nervous wreck. That's just like her, though. Ever since we were little, she's hated hospitals and hated the possibility of losing someone she loves. She can't handle that type of situation. I, on the other hand, think life is easily over in seconds and I don't mind facing death. The only reason I fear death is because I might not be remembered, and that's it. Dealing with emotional loss... it's horrible, I don't want to do it... but we have to be strong, even if slightly.

I'm glad he's okay, though. I'm very glad he's recovering and that he'll be back with us soon. Regardless what I say, I'm also prone to being selfish. I don't want people to leave me either. So... I'm happy he's pulling through.

I'm still pissed. Extremely. I've even thought about disappearing for a while, just for the hell of not being around. Things caught me unexpectedly, though. I can't go running now, because I have new responsibilities, and I promised Giovanni. While he's getting better, I'll be handling the Student Council. I swore to myself I would do a good job too. I can't have him worrying about that, and I'm taking his stead; those are big shoes to fill.

However, this morning I woke up, I stood before the mirror and fixed my uniform properly. I prettied up, as I usually do: eyeliner, blush, lipstick... I placed the Student Council pin in my uniform and stared at myself, determined and ready. 'Time to do the best I can'. I took everything I would need and exited my apartment building...

I had to keep with my word.

We fucked... you've got a Problem? - EDITED FOR CONTENT

2008-06-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

Poor, lonely people. In fact, poor, lonely people not getting any. Or... poor, lonely, Eric, not getting any.

I loved this weekend! It was the best ever. Not only had I been looking forward to it, because it meant being more time with Rink, but I was expecting some disorder.

And, yes, we had a LOT of sex. Good too. It's SOOOOO good to be in a stable happy couple.

Umm.... now... how many times did we do it? I can't even remember:

@ bed
against the wall
@ the shower
@ the restaurant (under the table and in the bathroom)
@ the kitchen (where Katz and Eric got one good scare)
@ the yacht

Etc.

Feels SO GOOD.

I love being me. HAHA.

And Rink called me 'wifey'. And I smiled. And when we both realized it, we stared at each other. Now, that was disturbing. XD

Katz and Eric? Uff... Something's getting hot.

Carol better watch out with her heart, she's about to lose it.

------------

I'M SORRY. THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN EDITED FOR CONTENT. I APPARENTLY HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT BREAKING UP AND RECOVERING. OF COURSE. I DIDN'T RECOVER.... OH... WAIT..... SHIT. THAT'S TOO BAD.

I HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.

NOW I KNOW WHY THEY SAY "THE MORE I LEARN ABOUT HUMAN BEINGS, THE MORE I LOVE MY DOG"

SO IF YOU WANT TIPS FROM RECOVERING FROM A BREAKUP GO TO THE EXPERTS. I COULDN'T FUCKING CARE LESS.

DIE.

ATTENTION EVERYONE

2008-06-27T13:38:00.001-07:00

Well well well...

Seems like trouble's at the horizon.

For those that misbehave, a new site has just arrived to inform us all:

http://igossipguy.blogspot.com/

Not that I personally like gossip...

... but it's always good for the soul xD

What am I talking about? I love trouble! And trouble's a'brewing!

MUA HA!

@ the Studio

2008-06-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

I'm currently recording one of our newest songs. This post is actually being written from my very own ipod.

Talking about strange things... Eric told me he'd have a heart to heart with Leo! That's surprising; Eric has a heart! (gasp)

Jk jk!!! He's a good boy/puppy. All in all within that stupidity he's a tender caring guy.

Ugh... Duty calls me.

I wish I could write more, but I'm living in a new trance where everyone moves brutally and changes while I remain focused. Where will all these lonely people go? Will they find what they're looking for? Or the real question... will they find themselves? I know my cousin has a longing look. Maybe she's expecting something. Personally, I think you should expect nothing, but build what you desire

There's no such thing as luck... There's fate and the will to change it if it's not to your convenience.

Alas, I leave :)

Reanimation

2008-06-24T08:37:00.001-07:00

And the blogging fever is back! With our new outcomers we're bound to have some fun. It's been a long while since I've updated, but with the upcoming events, I had the obligation of being the first one to write. As for the general panorama, there are sure to be some hot changes around the block.

Joining us in this rally are the "arrogant aristocrat", who I'm sure is thinking about sending a few others to sleep with the fishes. There's also the new version of Katzereine's journal where the "librarian" is breaking some outfashioned stereotypical molds (you go girl!). There's the new ravishing (note the sarcasm) "Gossip Boy", who we'll probably be hearing from any time soon. Our very dear 'windy' might be updating soon enough, and he's got quite the package to show (though I'm told it's probably cushioned). Talking about cushions... there's Dr. Weiss' puppy gallore. They're getting pretty well fed. Then again, fear not the pup, but the dog it might grow out to become. Isn't that what they say?

As of now, let the blogging wars begin!

... And may we all be around with a bag of popcorn to witness the chaos!

Kundamiri

2007-09-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

It's been two days since I wrote my last post. Today, I woke up pretty moody. Classes were suspended since teachers had this big reunion. I took advantage of my free time to go to the gym. Not the one at school, mind you, but to one owned by a family friend about 5 blocks away from school. I told Cat there would be dancing and stuff, so I invited her to tag along.

Truth is, I go to this particular gym, because I get my dancing classes right there, and my training for the musical videos etc. Lin went with me too and we were exercising for a bit. She kept a distance from me today, since I seemed to be biting people.

Well, of course I was in a bad mood. For obvious reasons, which I don't want to bother writing down here.

My two only cousins called me today. Both of them... this morning... I don't know if I've mentioned them previously. There's Caroline Richardson Vasser and her older brother, Zachary. Carol's a lawyer... Zack's a big shot detective here in Boston. One called after the other to remind me that the 'Vasser family reunion' would be October 12. Great.

The Vassers are actually pretty cool. It's not that big a family anyways. We have Owen Vasser, my dad; his older sister, Pamela Maria Vasser and her husband Kailik Richardson; they're children Zack, who isn't married yet, and Caroline who's married to Leo and who have a son named after his uncle, Zachary too. My parental grandparents are a whole mystery. Johnathan Vasser married Amanda Avery and they both wanted "out" of the rich life style of the Vassers. They left their two children in the care of my great grandma Agatha Priscilla Piucelli (my great grandpa died YEARS ago). They disappeared shortly after, changing their names and living a hippie styled life, like most young people did back in the days. My great grandma kept the prestige in the family though, she gave her grandchildren the best of education. They both grew up within their rightful status. SHE is still alive (she's about 92 though...) and we're getting together with her too. Old crone will probably die any of these days, so might as well take advantage of her being her.

ANYWAYS, leaving aside my family history....

I AM SO PISSEDddddddddddddddddddddddd!! I can't TAKE Draven's CONSTANT FLIRTATIONS... and I told him so yesterday "DUDE... CUT THE CRAP". No I don't have PMS, NO I'm not hormonal.. it's just that, it's NOT happening, I'm not going to date you again... eh... wait... DIDn't I TELL HIM this ALREADY!?!?

AHHHHHHH!! I HATE him! I hate Rink's living guts. Why? DON'T bother to ask me, I don't know myself. Between his 'HAPPINESS' towards my relationship with Draven and this last one's constant teasing I'm going to kill myself, or BETTER yet, KILL THEM.

.........

I hate it. I'm LONELY!

Oh.... they're knocking the door.... brb....

....back

GUESS GUESS!! IT was... DIN DIN DIN... DRAVEN! He wanted a copy of our CD. Bullshit. I know he came to see me and see how I was. Technically, my instinct tells me... go for what's sure, date Draven... but right now, I want to take him and slam him against the wall.... NO, not in a passionate way... his head against the wall and hoping it cracks....

I'll just write music now.... tons of music.... tons and tons of music..... Oh. I know what will make me feel better. I don't know if I've mentioned it before.... but.... I have this platonic love... or well ideal love... but it's kinda dumb. You see, my parents used to send me to summer camps. When I was about 11, I went to this very cool one.

I met a boy there. He was SO CUTE... I can't remember him THAT well, since I was small, but I think I created around him what I wanted every one of my guys to be. He sent me FLOWERS... at that age.... and love letters!! I have every one of those letters stored away, safely... no one knows about him... since that's my own personal, treasured secret. I just wish that boy would return to me. I was taller than he was and I was a tad bit shy around guys during those days, but I also liked him... a lot. Such sweet love.... children love.... When I feel like this, lonely and that men suck, I just remember that summer and what it meant to me. Dumb, but BELIEVE me iT HELPS.

You know what? I think I know what I'll do with Rink. Yes. I know. I'll COMPLETELY ignore him and his fucking existence. He's leaving school in... what? Six months? I can handle ignoring him for that time... yep. Shouldn't be a problem.

And with Draven? I'll just be nice... he IS my pillar when i need him. see? I feel better already... mystery boy sure does help. Wish he had left his address or his name... It would've been nice to contact him.....

The Most Loneliest Day of my Life

2007-09-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

The party lasted until 6:00 am. I drank so much, I remember passing out just when we were all laughing and shouting through the streets on our way back to the school. I remember Draven and I laughing and talking about past shit, and then ending up in his dorm. NO. Nothing happened between us. At least, not for now anyways. ugh! Draven and I broke UP almost 6 months ago! I don't want to go back into that relationship!

I don't like looking back into the past.... less alone going back into a relationship that didn't work out. But then again... why didn't it work? Because we're too good friends? Because I know him too well to actually want a long lasting relationship with him? Because I don't even get jealous when other women look at him? Because... God... there's NOTHING new there. I already know everything there will ever be there, I know what I can find: friendship, love, yes tons of it, sex? YEAH. Draven is like MY BROTHER! That's what he is, that's how I see him!! And forgetting the brother metaphor for a second there... talking about SEX.... hell, Draven IS GOOD in bed. I remember that in our good days we practiced the Kama Sutra positions just for the heck of it, and laughing as we practiced. Alright... that was perfect, but... we were doing it... why? Well, because we were horny and he was there and I was there so what the fuck! BUT... there was NO REAL passion, not a desperate need for the other, to feel the other, to be with the other... at least NOT on my side.

Oh Draven. I know you love me, and you want to be with me and YOU promised to always protect me... but.... AH!

I thought about all this the whole morning.

Anyways....

After that, we got called for our first group interview. I had SUCH a headache the whole morning, I went to classes, and after that practically ran towards the beauty parlor. Our interview was at 6:00. I got there on time (thankfully).

I wore this:

It was LONG, but it was a lot of fun.

When they asked me about my favorite bands, or bands that have served as inspiration I answered: Linkin Park, Korn, System of a Down, Evanescence, Within Temptation, My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco, Nirvana, Five and of course classics such as The Rolling Stones, U2, Nightwish etc.

I just wanted to write that down. I realized I admire tons of bands and want to be like them one day, be that famous, do that much.

After the interview, we decided to chill for a while. We needed the rest. Lin and Alex went back to their dorms to get some sleep.

Draven invited me out. "Let's go get a chocolate sundae"

A chocolate Sundae? You mean, one of those glorious ice creams with one ball of pure chocolate, another of white chocolate, a third one of Brownie, all covered with chocolate syrup, then whipped cream, chocolate chips on top and a CHERRY! I stared at him.

"WHAT are we waiting for! Chocolate!" I smiled happily.

He held my hand and pulled me towards him, then wrapped an arm around me.

"I think you'd sell the band for chocolate." he laughed

I pushed him and smirked "My first loyalty lies in chocolate! Mua ha!!"

"Okay, Sundaes are on me!" he grinned

I smiled. In my opinion, it must have looked like a happy smile, but inside I thought it was somewhat sad. There he was. Someone that loved me, that knew me, that cared for me just like I was and I would never reciprocate that. My dear friend... my very own protector. I hugged his arm.

"If you buy me a REALLY big one I'll give you a kiss :P"

We started walking.

"Really? What do I have to give you to get a fuck?" he teased

"Don't press your luck!"

So maybe.... You can't ask THAT much about love. IF you find someone that loves you so much, maybe life's just telling you to accept that. Not that many people find people who love you that much....

<--- Draven and Me taking pictures with our "O" Overdose shirts.... made by us. hehe

Desiderata

2007-09-25T16:16:00.000-07:00

Usually, you refer to desiderata to a list of things you want. Technically it's latin for "desired things".

Here's my question. Just how many things would you be willing to do for something you desire? Personally, I'd do anything. Sell my soul to the devil? I don't think he'd want it! I haven't been sleeping much honestly. In fact, almost two hours every day for the last two months. And it's not like fatigue isn't winning me over, but it paid off.

I sneaked off yesterday. With Cat's help it all went according to plan. I pretended to be dead sick. The STS came to see me and such and he was convinced I was VERY sick and that I should stay in bed. How did I trick the thermometer? I placed a hot pad under my bed. Of course my body temperature would be almost to boiling points. After that, when I made sure he had written down my excuse for all the teachers, I kept on with my plan. (I did have a.... ahem... visit, but I'll talk about that later). Finally, I got out of my dorm, sneaked into the garage and got my car. I drove to New York. What? From Boston to New York it's just a 4 1/2 hour drive. I actually made it in 4 hours (I was in a hurry). Once in New York, I had a really big meeting... reason why I took my very pretty sexy, negotiator clothing.

It all comes down to this:

- I stayed over at New York.

- At 9:00 am I had my meeting. The guy is a big shot who's heard of OVERDOSE. (The other guys stayed at school, but I had a legal mandate to represent them). I signed the contract, which had all we ever wanted. A record that would begin to sell in two months (we've been working with it for a few months), a suprise release which I can't say, but it's an awesome campaign and finally... we're going to play in the Live Earth Concert, two days before the CD starts selling worldwide. Of course, our parents know we're up to this. OVERDOSE, people, just got serious.

After I finished talking with him. He looked at me. I had just signed a nearly 10 million dollar contract... if everything went according to plan. If everything turned out for the best, we would be famous in no time... I mean like... Evanescence famous. Can you imagine that?

"Listen..." he smiled at me. He must've been like 40 years old. Yeah. Though Mr. Clive Davis, son Clive Davis Sr., was a genius of Sony BMG. "I can see it in you, you have ambition."

I was very sober, and quiet, staring at him. "No, Sir, I have passion."

"Hmm?" he blinked at me.

"Passion to trascend. That is what moves me. It's what keeps me going."

He laughed. "You're young, but you have a lot of potential. I cheer to that." He opened a bottle of Chardonnay and we cheered indeed.

Of course. I wasn't alone in all this, though I don't mention her. Caroline was with me. She read the contract I was signing over and over and made sure that all the clauses were beneficial to my person and to the band. That's why I felt so safe signing.

After it was over, and I was out of there, I thanked Carol for her help. Though we're second cousins, she's always helped me out. She said she had to go back to Delton Industries, but that she would be happy to witness the day I became worlwide known.

"It's not easy, kiddo." she smiled at me "You've taken a path few dare step on... but it takes effort and you'll be there."

She left and I called my dad. "It's done." I sighed into the phone "Thanks Dad."

I could hear him chuckle "You don't have to thank me over anything. It's your talent that got you there. Sending your concerts and the recordings you have so far. It was your own idea and your own iniciative."

"Yeah... but having Owen Vasser as your father is also a good help..."

"Talent goes no where if you don't use it wisely, Ashley. Now, you're on your own. I'm proud of you, my beautiful daughter."

"You won't tell mom I sneaked away from school?"

"You want me to end up like Java the Hut? No way. DO go back to school now. Life won't be the same from this point onward."

"I know, Dad. I know!" Before I left New York, though, I went to the Hershey's store and bought tons of chocolate to celebrate. (which was a LITTLE mistake, cause I stayed there for like three hours, buying chocolate and making chocolate and getting my name on the scrolling machine they have...) <--- SUCH a sucker for chocolate

Driving back to Boston, I was hoping Caterina succesfully covered up for me. Carol kept all the legal papers, but I kept a copy just to show Lin, Alex, Draven... and aside from the band to show Caterina of course. I inserted a CD of some of our previously recorded songs and put the volume to its max, lowered the windows and enjoyed the highway. I got back like at 6:30. By the time I actually got there, I WAS dead tired, but I wanted to show everybody and TELL everybody the good news.

You know... it hit me... I also wanted to show him that I had signed this contract. I wanted to hear what he would say... if he would smile at me, or bug me... or just say it's "monkey business". It's strange... but I've found myself thinking about him almost every minute of the day (though I valiantly try to stop myself). About the visit I received. I was pretending to be sick and he suddenly appears to take care of me. Whatever. And when I "fell asleep" he kissed me near the corner of my lips. It made me silently yearn, I do love it when he kisses me. (this is the part where I forgot that I was driving a CAR and almost crashed). Anyways... I feel like I want to share things with him... but then I think that I'm being dumb. That, I, Ashley Vasser, can't possibly like a guy, who I know for sure doesn't see me as more than a teasing toy. No. And yet, I wish there were more... I wish I didn't have to feel so stupid anymore.

Talking about 'anymore'. One of the songs Mr. Davis liked was titled "Evermore"

It goes something like "Evermore, Evermore, can't you see I'm the one you're looking for?"

Anyways... Time to celebrate! hopefully! :D

Onward

2007-09-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

It's not easy to build up an image, to get your band going on. Last night, I slept 2 hours. Why? Because we're doing all we can to become famous... get hired by a lot of people. That's also killing us. I'm supposed to B all my subjects at least, or I get killed by my parents. I'm serious. My mom can't take Cs.... only if it's in home ed... which she understands I've always failed. One C and all my back up for my band goes to hell. My parents are so strict! Jeez. My dad laughs and says I could be the lead in a movie... screw him, welcome to reality. It's not so nice; we don't always get a happy ending.

Anyways, you'd think it would be stressing and horrifying to have so many things to do. School, Student Council, Band... but you know? I think it's a lot of fun! Specially when you make a reputation for being a "free spirit". Important things to express. I got myself a part-time job! Yep. That's another of the reason's I'm working so much! Why, you might ask... well, I wanted to have an account of my own. Win some money here and there, money I can rightfully say is completely mine and certainly not my parents. I got a really cool job too. Overdose plays in three different Popular bars. We got the most popular bar for Fridays, which is a mayor success, and then we play on other bars on Wednesdays and Mondays. We earn a lot of money from our shows too. However, my job is from 4-7. It's at one of MTV's buildings here in Boston (recently built). I actually got a cool job, interviewing people for certain shows. It's been really fun.... very tiredsome... but fun nonetheless.

So... get up early for class, which start at 8:10, then finish at 1:00, grab a bite to eat, go to work, days in which we have to play, it's almost until 11:30, go back to the dorm, and actually do my homework at that time. When I don't have play nights, I just go to the gym, exercise a bit. I'm also on the swimming team, so I have to stay an hour after school.

It's not what you would call a simple life, but I like having it. I have Saturdays and Sundays completely free!! I take this time to relax, hang out with Caterina and the gang, watch movies, do crazy things and just roam around. Of course, during the weekends, I also do what I want basically. Schedules? Why keep up with them? I just keep up with my band related show times, and classes... but I ditch classes to go to studios and such, or just to hang around at the "OVERDOSE" headquarters. And of course, I try sharing my time with my friends! What's life without them? :)

Of courseeeeee...... there's also that thing about "breaking the rules" which I love. Typical, rules... what are rules for... to break them! :) Alright Alright. You've heard this before. Truth be told! I LOVE life! I don't want to be held down by any type of routine or limit... well, unless they're REALLY important, in that case... we just HAVE to respect them. But... you have to live life like every second's your last, right? That's what I try to do anyways!

Aside from all this... Overdose is really becoming popular. I mean it! You can actually HEAR people talking about Overdose in the street. A fan (we have an email)... overdose@gmail.com sent a background she did for us. Isn't that cool?

Lookie - - -

Too Much of Me... you can't handle

2007-09-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

Satisfying, Mortifying, Venting...

True enough, you can't deny the fact that I'm hot.

Oh yes, and I have too much self esteem. Be as it may, I'm glad I do have. Somehow, that attracts people... makes people comfortable around me. You know, I like being surrounded by large crowds, talking to them and usually being their leader (bow to me, humans! haha) Just kidding! Well, it's good that I have a very strong personality... usually when people are reading porn you wrote about a guy that YOU DON'T LIKE, you just had one fleeting moment of lust for, you... become embarrassed. Oh hell! Like Eric said "Dudette, blame Canada!" He's been watching too much South Park. True. I has.. shocked, but now it's kinda a joke for me too. So, I wrote porn, that just says what a wide imagination I have! Arrrr! Alright Alright.... I'm gaining a percent of everything's that being sold.

HE read it, though. It's strange to think. I don't care about the world, or what they think, but... that he knows... breaks me, NOT in a bad way, mind you... it's just embarrassing... jeez, I'm glad it wasn't THAT hard core... I mean, sure there were moans and penetration, but I didn't even get started. I'm a Scorpio, blame the stars. Anyways, I joke around with everyone about it... but I can't seem to see him straight in the face. During the Student Council meetings, I put my ipod and transport to Mike Shinoda's world, where everything is "Numb" and "Breaking the Habit". hahaha.

Caterina got pissed off at me because I didn't include her on my porn. Umm... well, that was for obvious reasons. But I explained that I had written songs about her and such! hey! She's my best friend, though sometimes we want to kill one another, but she IS... you know... just that... my friend. OVERDOSE is slowly working it's way up, and we went to play to this guy's party. There, I invited Cat, with a special VIP invitation and I performed a song I totally dedicated to her and our friendship. I hope no one recorded me.... but.....

I was dressed in pink, and I was actually looking sexy and cute. hehe... CUTE... I don't like looking cute, but I think Caterina appreciates that I do things like that for her. If you don't sacrifice yourself for your friends then for who?

Anyways... I hate selfish spoiled brats, who think clothing and materialism are a way of living. People who should be admired are those that even having the means actually want to make a difference. I don't know. Our Band, OVERDOSE, exists for the sole purpose of transmitting a message with the music. It's alternative rock, but it's meant to be something, to transcend, to make a difference for humanity. I'm not in the best of schools to have this attitude, but nonetheless people are willing to listen to me because I'm hot. this is sad, but true. I get most of my admirers because of my proyection in every sense, I also get most of my enemies this way. That's the reason why I don't limit myself to Rockefeller. We got to clubs, we go to the other schools, we move so that people will move along WITH us. That's how we got that Usual playing at that popular club. people want to hear Overdose, want to know what WE have to say.

However, Rockefeller sucks sometimes. So many plastic people who don't care about shit save Gucci shoes. Please. I don't need to say more.

Anyways... My concert for Cat!! I looked cute... but SSSH!!

2007-08-14T21:54:00.000-07:00

This entry is locked for FRIENDS only (Caterina and Vero)

I'm a little bit drunk. SSSshhhh! Don't tell anyone! Oh well, Lil came by and she brought a little bit of Hypnotiq and I hadn't had a drink in a while, you know with the baby and all! Oh! Steven is staying with Mommy and Daddy tonight! Oh! I miss him! I miss him already! His little hands closing around my finger and his childish smile! I adore my baby! Did I mention that? I think I have! I'm SO happy he's like his father.... (his father is so handsome!) hehehe, he's bound to grow up to be like him too! Oh! He's going to break many hearts!

Oh! I shouldn't drink... I talk too much when i'm NOT DRUNK... imagine now! hahahaha!!

Well, some slight confesssions:

1. I'm a horndog! YAY! I AM! I love sex! Mmm...!! But only Rink REALLYYYyyy gets me on on, he takes out my "proud horndog" character! hehe!

2. I got married twice! hehehehe! Once in Vegas, the other was this BIG CHOCOLATE WEDDING! PERSONALLY, but SSSssh! No one knows this, I rather liked the one in VEGAS more! No no! Really! Rink and I fucked the whole night long and it was SO GOOD! OH GOD! Don't get me wrong! tee-hee! I realllyyyy likes my second big wedding, but I rather be more private in these affairs! I like it hot and passionate, all those rituals and ceremonies don't really ignite MY fire! But Rinky loved them! Oh! RINKY!! hahaha, i've never called him like that... sounds like slinky! Oh... RINK loved it!! As long as he's happy I'm happy too! Sometimes I think I love him too much! hahahahaha!

3. I fucked up Eric's jet with my sword... that time that Cat and him were locked in! I'm like the total reason they're living together! yay!

4. During sexxxx.... I like being dominated... subdueddd... ARRRrrR... hahahaha!!!

5. Veronique and I are sisters in law!! it's SO FUN! We're like family now! Whee!!!! She's so SMART!

6. Cat and I are back to talking! I'm SOOOO GLAD toooo!! heheheheheehe I missed like talking to her so MUCH....

Oh God... I have to stop typing XD All the letters look so pretty swirling around! YAY!!!

Forbidden Words

2007-08-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

Rink is currently out at work. I don't know if I've mentioned it before but he's a Technical Race Advisor for the McLaren team, at least for now anyways: he's in charge of training, coming up with possible strategies. He's excellent at what he does. ^^ Rink was the best racer in the world! (and I'm not lying) But, he decided to stop racing... basically because of me... Because he had an accident, forgot me for a year... and well, he told me this (and his face just didn't seem to accept any arguments about it):

"I can't lose you over racing, I'm sorry but no. I'll be an eccentric car collector, I'm already part of history what with that scandal, I still could've won that race and beat the record if I hadn't stopped the car, don't worry about it. I don't need recognition, not at all. I need you."

Almost two years after that.... I still remember those words, just like he said them. Maybe because they were such important words, maybe because at the moment I was desperate for him, more than ever, because I had been so close to losing him.

Now... I have a lot of time to write... And think. It's crazy, all of this... love itself is crazy. I would do anything to see Rink happy, to make him happy, and I want to be there to share that happiness with him. And he IS happy... :) (I'm making extra sure of that ~snicker~). Sometimes I wonder if he would consider going back to racing? It's just a little thought... Does he need it? He's got a higher position than being a racer...

Well, I don't really know... I'll always be there for him and I'll always give him support in anything he might choose. He's my husband, :P I trust him! <--- I've had to repeat this same line about 4 times, since Steven is sitting in front of the comp, in my lap and he's slammed his hands into the keyboard continuously.

Maybe I should do something special for him? Maybe he would like that... If I did something to pleasantly surpise him. I think I can come up with something.

Thinking about myself now... I wonder if I've changed a lot? Obviously my circumstances have changed entirely... but ME, Ashley, have I matured? I'm still very inmature for some things... Sometimes I talk too much, and maybe sometimes I don't understand the things that really happen around me. Then again, I recognize that my priorities have changed entirely. Before, I thought my priority was to the world: that I should return something to it. Now, my priority is my family. It's no use worrying about the past, but I can't help to think "what if this had happened instead of this". Don't take me wrong, I wouldn't want anything changed. I hold no regrets: just wonderings. I think I would've handled things slightly more different, maybe that's what being mature is all about: learning how to handle situations determined ways, trying not to hurt others.

Pfft... AM I REALLY MATURE AT ALL? I don't know, and I'll probably never know, and I'll probably never want to know.

Alright. Alright. I'm writing so much and I still haven't really gotten to the point.

To be brief:

- I'm still sad that I haven't quite made amends with Caterina. For all I'm complaining and stuff, it really sucks not being able to talk with her...

- I read Vero's entry. Maybe it shouldn't matter to me at all... but I REALLY want Vero to be happy, I really want to be a good friend for her!

AM I a good friend? Have I been there when they need me?

Okay. Remind me now. Why am I thinking about all this again?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is it with me and pictures lately? XD

Amends...?

2007-08-11T22:46:00.000-07:00

I tried talking with Caterina. Underline the word TRIED.

I didn't go anywhere. I thought of buying her coffee (her favorite in Starbucks and going off to apologize). It didn't really work. She practically ignored me. In one last attempt to call her attention I took the spoon she was cooking with (yes, she was cooking), but as it usually happens with me in kitchens... I made a mess. I slipped, food flew everywhere, even on top of us. After she unsuccesfully tried to kill me about three times, I left, pissed as hell. FINE! It was a little argument: stupid enough in a coffee shop... and she's going to allow this to get in the way. Well, alright, whatever. No one can judge me, saying I didn't try making things better. Besides! It bothered ME too! Why am I the one doing all the effort? Pfft! Caterina, you're so DUMB.

Anyways...

Vero is off to Argentina. I got to talk to her a bit; seems like it's really cold over there, but she's having a lot of fun nonetheless.

Going back into "baby crazy" mode.

Rink and I are officially sharing the duties, but we play with Steven together. That way he can bond with both of us. Sometimes I just like watching them: Rink's face changes completely when he cradles Steven. He has tons of toys and he plays with them, listens to music and well, we read to him, which apparently he enjoys a lot. His eyes focus on the one that's reading and his head doesn't move. His room has a very soft special baby floor in which we place him. He can half roll, which is adorable. He likes to put everything into his mouth, so we have to keep a close watch on him. He's two months old already! Time DOES fly.

Female Fights and Meat

2007-08-08T15:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday night, Veronique, Caterina and I got together, just for some girl 2 girl conversation. (Oh... right now it's raining, I love it when it rains).

Veronique was telling us about how she barely got to see Nathan, about how she wanted to have a heart to heart conversation with him etc. I didn't know very well what to tell her. She's very stressed, with too many things in her head, and I'm impressed that as a human being she hasn't just broken down. That gives to say she's very strong. But still... I don't know what I can do to offer her some 'support'. Well, I'm there anyways, or will try to be always. Ahem.

That aside. I had a huge row with Caterina. Why? I don't KNOW why! Apparently my ideas are bullshit to her and no one can understand THE ENORMOUS AMOUNTS of pain she goes through. Well, I don't GET IT. She's been going for Eric for HOW long now? They're finally living together and what else could she possibly want? What happens after that? Does she want commitment? I'm SURE that will arrive at its own time.... BUT SHE SPENDS so much time worrying that she doesn't even enjoy what she DOES have. She thinks she's TOO available... PLEASE. After so much fighting and pulling away from the other it's only FAIR they're available one to the other. But see, this is ME. This is me thinking she likes complicating herself with her MIST! Pisses me OFF how she suddenly relates her "COMMON ELEMENT" with Veronique and I really never got to see it. She starts talking she feels like a wifey and you have Veronique who is about to become a wife and doesn't know what the hell's going happen. AH! And then I think it's ME who should not voice her opinions and keep quiet.

Maybe I should shut up if she's going to get so pissed at listening to what I think is the truth! Well, then prove to me I am wrong. It shouldn't take her much. AH! She told me everything she's gone through with Eric is CALCULATED. ~GASP~ AHHHHHHHhhh!!!

IT WAS NOT.

And if it was so CALCULATED then why the hell did you make ME worry about how you were feeling and such, if all the time you had your master plan and knew what would happen!?!

...................................

... ~breathe~

That aside.... Rink wants to do a BBQ. I agree with the idea... it actually sounds cool... we do have a big backyard. Who-- will cook the BBQ, though? Rink? O__O I've never seen him doing anything related to it....

Maybe Caterina and I can talk then.

Who knows?

Balancing Things Out

2007-08-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

Steven eats every 3 hours 15 minutes... every 3 hours 26 minutes or every 3 hours 13 minutes. I'm not kidding. He has a pattern. Maybe it's because of the baby Einstein thing....

I adore that little child. I just have to see him moving in his little crib and I feel myself get floaty.

However, I'm trying to Balance things. I AM. As most people might know I took a maternity leave, and since I the company, I can take it for as long as I want. I'm thinking I'll be out of work for at least 5 months or so, but it's not like I'll completely unplug, you know, they can call me ask me for stuff, but it's basically impossible to keep a married life, a tough job and a child all together. My dad told me something I'll never forget:

"Take things easy or prepare to dive into shit."

What? You were expecting some corny phrase here, like 'YOU CAN DO IT, daughter.' Umm... no... You won't hear that from my dad, unless he's pretending he's in one of his movies. (He's a director, give him a break hehe).

Anyways... Rink and I have been talking, and well, we're new parents, there are a lot of things we still can't understand, no matter how many books you read. The other day I was nursing Steven and he suddenly started crying and I didn't know WHY he was crying because I had changed his diaper and nursed him and... given him a little sponge bath... then I started humming something and he soothed completely down and went back to sleep. No one can predict your child's personality... so yeah.

So... Rink and I have decided to share the taking care of the baby process. Truly. Rink is wonderful XD he can actually handle the diaper change without a problem!! Ayyyy! I know... I'm rambling about my husband again... SUE ME. But it has been A LOT MORE fun with the BOTH of us looking after him. Rink told me to 'USE' him, which I'm doing with great pleasure. It's really tender to see him holding Steven and slowly rocking him or just cooing to him. You have to admit it, the best part about talking with Steven is that he's A GREAT listener. jk jk

Things I've learned so far about parenthood (Steven is two weeks):

- Make sure you have a camera around when someone is doing faces at the baby. It's hilarious.

- Babies frown: specially when you do something stupid like turning the TV and leaving the weather channel on. (it happens!)

- Dads and Moms have three hours to do what they must do, once the baby alarm goes off, it's baby time.

- Babies get hiccups easily if you don't pat their backs

- Sharing time, the three: Mom, dad and baby, is the best thing ever.

---- Bye ----

Baby Maniac

2007-08-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

Alright... Alright...

I admit it... I have my own music company, I was a world-touring ROCK star, and I still do rock because I love it... you wouldn't expect me to be the 'mommy' type.

My friends are all surprised with me, at my devotion to my newborn child... but I can't help it... he's MY son... I carried him for 9 months and he's so adorable! Besides, he's my son with the man I absolutely adore, which just make me feel all warm and tingly inside. (God, If I'm surprised at what I'm writing, I can't imagine my readers).

But it turns out that I am quite devoted to my new mom-role. I spent months reading, training with specialists and learning all about newborns and babies. I just want to give him the best, and I can only do that if I'm prepared, right? And I'm having a lot of fun with him, even if he just basically sleeps these days. He's very healthy (Thank God) and I think he has quite the character. The other day one of the maids turned the TV really loud, without intending to do so and he frowned at her. It was a Kodak moment. Then, he stares at people as if to imitate their gestures...

BUT he basically sleeps :) Sleeps... eats every 3 hours or so... and when he's awake... he stares...

The things I've enjoyed most so far are swaddling him, kissing him, playing around with him as he looks at me, talking to him, reading to him (sue me, I've enjoyed every minute so far), giving him sponge baths!! Ayy!! that's adorable...

Only thing I'm NOT enjoying is diaper change, it's not that I don't like it... it's that I need some training still.... practice... you know? I don't want him getting a rash

I'VE ADORED dressing him up... hehehehe..... Some of my favorites:

Welcome Steven Reinard!

2007-08-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

Ayyyy!! I had my little baby!! He's the most adorable child!! He's sooo cute!! Thank you to everyone that was there! :) Cat (although they told me you left early), Eric, Nathan, Vero... you guys :) Thanks a lot for your support! Steven has wonderful aunts and uncles.

I'm not going to write much, but I took a picture, while they were giving him his shots:

A short Review

2007-08-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

First thing's first: General overview of what's happened so far. If you're creative, which I dare you to be, imagine this as a brief introduction to a wild ride. Okay? Okay.

1. "Overdose", my rock band, which rocked all the charts and shook the world transformed into "Overdose Records". Our very own music company, where we basically have clients, train them, record them... sign them... just about everything. I have two specialties: Film Scoring and Music Business administration. The film scoring is one of our best entries, because my dad and some of his friends, send the films and we had the music. It's a great source of income, and it's an amazing job. Then again, I love music, I'm glad that's what I ended up working on.

2. I graduated from Berklee College Of Music, with HONORS. You know HOW HARD it was to graduate with Honors while touring the world, playing all around and staying 'til morning working on records? Right.

3. Caterina, Vero and I are still best friends. Isn't that... shocking? Hahaha the Trio made it real far and I think we'll continue making it for a while, after all we get along just right! But the purpose of mentioning my fellow mates is this: Cat, went ahead to become Eric's PA assistant. Oh yes, Eric is CEO of Delton Industries, rich and powerful shit. They are now LIVING TOGETHER! Kudos for the both of you! Caterina I'm going to kill you for giving me so much trouble, but I'm SO glad you both are together. Veronique, on the hand, is on her way to MARRIAGE! Yep. Belive it or not. She took charge of her Father's company only just recently. She's... facing some tiny problems regarding the wedding (starting with the fact that her wedding planner is her husband-to-be's ex). I adviced Veronique to kill her, but it's not possible, just like every bad weed, she's impossible to get rid off.

Now... This will get incredibly corny, if you do not want to read corny entries or are mentally challenged, I reccommend you stop reading and go suck on a shoe or something.

Last!!!! BUT NOT LEAST!!! MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - - - -

I GOT MARRIED!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D And I'm so happy!! haha! To those who thought I would never get married, you were dead WRONG! Yes! Me! Ashley Vasser Leroux, got MARRIED! Now... I'm Ashley Reinard!! <3>

Yes!! I married RINK REINARD!!! :) He's smart, charismatic, tender, loving, gentle, passionate, sexy, charming, amazing--- and Oh My God you can tell just how fucking in love I am with this man. Three years ago, I wouldn't have said all these things so... 'CLEARLY', but I can't help it!! The man is adoring! :)

Ahem... ANYWAYS... I loveeee himmmm!! I admit it, our relationship has had a few bumpy moments, but I'm so glad it ended just right! He IS a wonderful husband who's there for me, and I make a great attempt of being there for him... and.....

*GASP*

I'm pregnant. Whao. For those of you who haven't heard from me in a while, this most be a shocker. But there's more. I'm 9 months into the pregnancy... actually I could have my baby any moment now, if you see I stop writing you might know what it is. AND... he's a boy.... I'm secretly hoping he's as handsome as his dad!! :D His name will be Steven!! Rink and I are still discussing the possibility that he have a second name, but I don't think that's going anywhere! :) And from being a wife, I'll be a mommy too! Oh God.... I really DO sound SO unlike my hard-die rock self, but I still am :P Mind you... I'm just a tad bit more controlled.

Oh. Anyways, I have to be going now. I'll keep updated. Promise.

Samuel (photographer) took a whole session, here is one of my special session wedding pose:

Modernize

2007-08-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time. Many changes later... I return.

And all the things I have to say, take some time, so be patient with me as I write. I guarantee you, you won't be bored.

Like the Shadows

2007-07-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

I was always a troublemaker. I never seemed to have enough with what people gave me. I wanted more out of life... show off what I could be.

When I was born my father told me an oracle predicted I would change Fantasia.

Truthfully, I was quite the bundle. When it came to my "princess" classes, I sucked in most of them. I didn't care about 'cooking' or 'etiquette', I wanted action and adventure. That's why I never quite liked the other princesses. They were stupid girls, who only cared about their clothing and accesories; they didn't work for their kingdom. Everything I did, I imagined I did for Imbross. From all the classes, I just aced music, and that's because it came naturally to me. Nonetheless, I was always the eager learner. Anything that was related to powers and spells, was intriguing to me. I would spend hours looking at my dad's soldiers when I was very little, just staring at them. By the time I had reached "8 human years" I could do double the tricks they could do and I had learned pretty much every spell of advanced magic. I was talented. Inmensely talented. In Imbross, I was loved. I did everything to help my people: spells that would build houses rapidly and efficiently, summoning creatures that would help them carry stuff... In the competitions no one could beat me. I had even learned all of my dad's techniques and I practiced every day, hours... just creating and enhancing my abilities.

My father loved the fact that I could do so much, although sometimes he feared for my life. My spells weren't exactly "safe". Eventually, my mother and father made a decision: they wanted me to go to the best of best academies in Fantasia. I had been accepted, regardless the fact that I was younger than most students.

The first months at the academy were hell for me. I wasn't used to being "diplomatic". I didn't want to be. I was too much of a rebel, spoiled and I really didn't care about anything else. I wasn't popular like I was at Imbross, I was usually left out because I was "the demon" (there WERE other demons, but I was basically the target), and worst... most of the spells I knew didn't impress them. They didn't like anything that had to do with shadows. Most of the time I was alone and I didn't want company. To make matters even more difficult... I started liking a boy... his name was Kaine. We fought all the time, our techniques were completely different, but to some extent we "taught" each other. He wasn't my "FRIEND" but he was the nearest thing to one in those first months.

Afterwards, urgent matters called for my presence back in Imbross. I left the Academy for at least 5 months. In that time I asked my mother everything I needed to know about diplomacy and fixing my looks and... let's just say I learned everything I needed about the social part of being a princess. In those 5 months I was absent, I trained DOUBLE as hard as ever and achieved a level above every student in my class. I had a purpose: proove myself. In that time I matured a lot. However, be it as it was... I was never satisfied.

Imbross always had the strongest link to the underworld, which is precisely what made it so powerful. Every few years, the royals of Imbross were allowed to read from the Book of Shadows. It was Chaos' will itself: every dark spell, every tinge of knowlegde was locked there. It was a mysterious object indeed, but it allowed its owner to understand the true complexities of dark magic. Ever the adventurer, I walked to the Book. It sensed my power, it sensed my drive and my determination to exceed. At first, I proved myself to it by developing every spell the Book sent my way.

Eventually... I opened my mouth (as I'm always good at doing)

"I want us to make a pact" I said quite simply

It was the first time I saw the Book's eye widen. I guess he must've known we would end up pacting, but not that I would suggest that pact. "Really, little Ouun... what do you want?"

I smirked. I had made various pacts in the years due to my nature, but never had they been to such an incredible source of power and knowledge. "We shall be as one, we will link, I will be your source of dark energy, you'll be my source of power."

It quirked its eyebrow. "You are one special child, no one has ever dared..."

I interrupted "I bet you've been waiting for someone to dare." I was smiling. "Listen Book, you're already exclusive to the Royal Family, however what I'm asking you is for a constant source. You will be by me and that way you'll never need others sources... you've seen how I practice... it's a winning deal for you."

It was a winnning deal for both of us. The Book effectively remained next to me, allowing no one else to read its pages. I discovered it would easily lie to me or give me wrong spells, but that same way I would confuse it. It was the darkest and most dangerous of objects... but I always thought it had a weak spot for me. It didn't. I just fulfilled its expectations threefold.

By the time I returned to the Academy I was a completely different person. I spoke my mind, as always, but now people kept seeing me as a leader. I had this aura about me of security... everyone seemed to like it. I became someone admired. In classes I performed spells my teachers had just hoped they could one day do. I was feared by some students, but most liked me. I had also changed my appearance. I wasn't a little girl, but a young teenager. Guys wanted to date me, the girls looked up at me. I was extremely happy. I thought my life was as grand as it could be.

However... I began to fight more than usual with Kaine. He had also changed, he wasn't a boy anymore, he was a man... I had heard just what a great student HE had become and as always, when I saw him again, my heart thumped hard in my chest and that warm sensation overtook me. Before I honestly wondered what was wrong with me. This time... I knew I was.... in love with him. When I used my magic with the best of techniques it wasn't anymore about proving myself to him... it was about being with him.

I remember our first kiss. We were at one of the school's dance. He had gone with his own fucking date... AHEM.... I was with a guy too and I'm telling you, I looked absolutely beautiful. Most of the night he was a JERK and I hated him for it. Every man was looking at me, except him. (or it was apparently so) Things happened and we ended up in a room, alone (I was originally there because my date was going to... well... with me...). He started showing me all these tricks... which I couldn't possibly care less about at this point... and suddenly he showed me his "best" trick. Whao. Now, centuries later, I still remember how shocking the kiss was to US. It was something... beyond. I felt like I belonged with him and nothing else mattered. That didn't keep us from fighting away the next day, but something had changed in me. I knew.... I would do anything for him.

Our relationship was the talk of THE TALK.

It was without precedent... Kaine and I had a tendency for doing things people had never done before. I actually spent some months in Vega. They were the best months of my life! I seemed to be liked by everyone and well, I was also... NICE. IT was just came to me to get along with the Vegalians. I would show them some of my magic and they would show me alchemy. It was fun. It was similar to Imbross... I felt at home. Kaine acted different, I acted different... we both wanted to be with the other. Somehow we were amazingly happy.

As we all know... happiness is temporary and just when we think it's on our grasp... we lose it.

I went back to Imbross. Things were different. I had to attend to all sorts of issues. In one of my trips to the sub-kingdoms... I heard the plot.

War broke out. We were tortured. I destroyed Imbross.

I went to warn Kaine. It was the pact with the book and the watch he had gave me that allowed me to get to Vega. They didn't believe me. They couldn't. How could their live be threathened when there was so much peace? I was to weak and I had broken down completely. I had lost so much in so little time. Kaine took care of me... he believed me though. If he hadn't been there... I honestly don't think I would've handled the despair.

It's kinda embarrassing now that I write about it... I'm not a person to cry or get down, I usually have a very strong streak and I'm sure of myself. Kaine saw me in my lowest moment... I if he had any doubt whatsoever that I loved him, I made my feelings perfectly clear. I was in a semi stupor for some days. When I recovered I was PUSHING everyone to prepare for battle, I was trying to tell the people fighting strategies...

But Vegalians were peaceful.

IT was HORRIBLE. Everyone dead. No one was left alive. I don't know how or why I survived as I've mentioned before... but... I DID find my reason.

Still, I couldn't believe I had been so easily defeated. ME. Ashley Vasser. Well, it wasn't EASY, but damn it, I didn't win... I couldn't protect anyone in the end.

When Draven returned me to Imbross. I made my second official pact with the book of shadows.

"I want the ultimate spells of darkness... spells dark enough that I would unleash Chaos... isn't that what you want?" I whispered. There was no happiness whatsoever left in me... just a void of hatred and loneliness. I wanted vengeance and also the recovery of my beloved Imbross... at least.

"Isn't your primary objective to find Meira now?" it asked.

I stared at it. "That's part of the pact. Allow me to LIVE in the human world, regardless my nature. I want you to give me a human guise that will balance my powers. In return... I'll accept your terms." It knew what I meant perfectly well.

"I will give you the form you ask, in return, I place upon you a power no one has had before. You will become the vessel that shall allow Chaos' reentrance to the world. You will become its servant. You will become... the Angel of Darkness."

I wasn't impressed. Destroy the human world? After I got Meira, why would I care about some random humans. As the Angel of Darkness, I would have power enough to protect... I would be in a state above any other creature, only below to Chaos. "I agree"

When I took the book into my hands, enormous whirlwinds of darkness fused with my body, I could feel every shadow around me and they obeyed me, subdued to my will. However, the strangest sensation were the sudden wings that emerged from my back. I had always imagined dark wings, practiced small spells which created temporary wings. But now... I felt I was walking down destiny's path. I smiled to the book.

"Do you understand the power you now possess?"

I looked at the skies. "You've unleashed hell, Book... wait and see"

Few years later I took a human form... and the name of Ashley Delton. They wouldn't see me coming....

Enemy

2007-06-28T07:37:00.000-07:00

I'm everybody's enemy; I'm everybody's friend.

I'm the shadows that surround you; child of the Night.

Don't trust me, don't look at me as if you know, don't dare underestimate me, don't pretend you can handle what you barely understand. As they say, I am the silence that responds to your desperate call. I am the things you wish you didn't know. I am the sounds that creep in your room in the darkest of nights. I am everything you wish you didn't need to handle, the fear that travels under your skin, the cold inside your veins. I am the meaning of darkness itself, a creature born from shadows themselves.

I'm everybody's enemy, because I choose to be, because the world doesn't satisfy me and I want more. Because power itself entices me to want it so. I will fight because I want to, not because a supreme reason guides me. I fight and fend for myself, because I'm selfish, I'm arrogant, because I want to lead, because it's never enough. Come on and try to take on me, but I'm your enemy, don't misunderstand. You haven't seen anything yet. Poor broken children, when your time comes, you won't know what hit you. When your time comes, you'll be lucky, death will be swift and fast, just a breath stolen away.

The darkness that surrounds me is beyond what you'll ever know... but contrary to all of you, I consider it beautiful and necessary. I'm your enemy because everything you're supposed to be, I'm not. I'm your inverse, you're opposite, the greatest of all voids and I have no strings that bind me. I am like the shadows themselves, I will blind you, and when it's too late you'll be lost within me.

I'm dangerous, perverse and downright rebellious, be careful with me, I'll betray you, use you, make you believe I'm all you want me to be, but you'll never be able to handle me. I'm your strongest enemy, the power you so much fear, lies strong within me. Hate me, all the better for me...

"Ask. Believe. Receive"
But be careful what you ask for... you might just get what you were looking for.

Prepare. Beware. Awaken.
I will come, your strongest foe, the "divine" warrior. And I'm not afraid.

I advice you all: close your windows and doors at night.....

....... although that won't protect you.

The Forgotten

2007-06-26T07:42:00.001-07:00

We're the ones who decide where our life goes.

We're the ones who make a difference if we desire to do so.

We're the ones who'll fight until not a single drop of blood is left.

We're the ones to be called The Remembered.

To us, the world is purely illusion, which we control, which we can bare. Our shoulders are made to carry much more than we can hold, but our backs are created so as to stand straight all along. Time is of no importance, for we overcome its extension. Eternity is a familiar face, accompanying us through our inmortal existence. This is who we are. Beings that cannot and will not be stopped. Creatures of old that will continue until everything is over and done with. We are the beginning, we are the end, we are the revolution and we are the same. This is what we're meant to be; nothing shall understand us, no mind shall realize what we can be, but we'll nonetheless exist as a reflection of what so many call 'reality'.

The Forgotten are opposite to us. They exist quietly, inside our friends, the shadows, lurking silently until they should be called upon. The Forgotten are born from each other, they feed, love, laugh, cry, die... they fight continously to find a reason to be what they are not. But the Forgotten achieve great things, specially because their evils are lost in time. Then again, they are opposite to us, our reflection. We are the Remembered, they are the Forgotten.

But things change... they always change and those to be erased become beings to be admired.

I am Ashley Vasser and I will be remembered. Do you have something you wish to imprint in destiny? Will you thrive or will you be sucked into the darkness you always fight? Will the world stop to see us changing, or will the change come with our very own actions?

Let us determine what we must become, if we are to become anything... at all. ;)

Words that have no Meaning Part II

2007-06-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

Now, that is the REAL blog entry, the creme de la creme.

We all had a weekend "escapade" in which we lived numerous different experiences. Well, I SANG and suddenly I realized I didn't mind anymore doing so in front of people. There's this unbreakable wall around me. Trust me. I don't think I'm letting anyone through it, but it doesn't mean that the mask cannot begin to appear more like the true self within. Maybe I don't want to keep on like this and be so much more different.

Caterina and I went exploring very strange cave. After almost getting killed, losing my powers and encountering myself with a very mysterious foe, we went back to the academy. However, I screwed up again. When you have painful memories, such as the ones I carry, you really try your best to cover them over. That's not the answer, though: the hole is still there, you've left it unfixed. I have an extremely good memory, and I'm glad I do so. I don't want to forget anything, but suppressing those memories, doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Problem is... every time I try to suppress them, they come back haunting me 5 times stronger than usual, and I get trapped in them. It's my personal trauma, my personal own darkness. They're horrible: children torn to shreds, hands without bodies to go without them, blood everywhere, crying, screaming... complete annihilation.... and I'm in the middle, crying my heart out. Why? Because I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't prevent it. I was one of the most powerful... then why did I fail? Isn't "good" supposed to triumph? Why was I suddenly left alone?

You'd think that so much time after, I would have surpassed all that. However, sometimes I still smell the blood or hear the screams. I've learned to live with that, but I'm still... haunted. But I'm living with the memories, and just as sometimes they make me weak, sometimes they become my best weapon. My memories build up my true powers... make me seek sweet revenge on all of those who dared betray us. So... I'm filled with hate for these pathetic beings, which I will eventually take care of. I am... what I am, after all.

That's the one secret no one will find out about, not even Draven knows the whole story, and he'll never know. The memories live and die with me, and with that other survivor... who I'm desperately looking for. Maybe this survivor will be able to tell me about him, about what happened to him... because I still love him and because I'll always love him. This is for you, Kaine. Whatever I'm doing, it's all for you. After all, like we always did, I'm going to prove to you why you loved me too! Ha! If you were here with me, I'd show you all my neat tricks and what I'm planning to do with them... I'm sure you'd be proud.

Now back to the present... where we're living... the past stays in the past, it becomes our strongest weapon to battle the future.

Present.

I was betrayed by my thoughts then, but Leo brought me back to reality, thankfully, he knows how to 'shock' treat me. But... he was there too. Rink knows too much. Sometimes I think I should try to suppress his memories or just kill him. However, I know it would be impossible to do either of those. When he's around, the wall that surrounds me, morphs. It becomes a transparent wall. It's still there, but it's like he can suddenly glimpse into more. I don't want him to know, he wouldn't understand. He would probably call me a "drama queen" again and laugh at me. But then I'd be serious again. IF he taps into what lurks inside... he'll find someone that's falling forever. It's ugly: powerful and grand, but still, that power is nothing pretty. I don't know why I think about him so often. He's human, insulting, and stupid. And yet I worry, he's the closest one to crumbling the wall apart. That's not really good for me... I've invested a long time building that wall, I don't want to be healed or talked to. I want it to disappear right at the moment it's meant to do so... "the right time".

I've found a very good friend in the Guardian of Earth, Ivan. He makes me feel... I can't really described it. I've had tons of sex, Vince being the WORST ever (dude, you REALLY SUCK). Draven's always been good (:P stupid dragon). Ivan was.... God Ivan was.... VERY good.... jeez... I still think about it and I blush and I get distracted. I mean... he really knows how to use his stuff. We don't have a compromise or anything like that... it was just very hot and steamy sex. I don't really think I want a compromise, at least not yet... I'm still trying to deal with other issues. Not only that, but there's also the fact that I didn't want to get involved with any of the guardians to start with. Yeah... I'm already involved... SUE me okay?

Although I don't really think any of this is that complex anyways.

Truth be told, I think that at this point, where I am now, I can handle just about anything... or maybe I'm just plain wrong about everything I've written and these words have no meaning...

.... if that were so, though, everything would be good enough... and it never is.

Words that have no Meaning Part I

2007-06-25T07:33:00.000-07:00

So.

Caterina is deleting her blog, which I think is completely stupid and ridiculous. She gave me some petty excuse for doing so, but it was just as dumb as the act of deleting the blog itself. Regardless of the purpose of creating the blog... it exists NOW doesn't it? So it's become something that's worth keeping if it exists... isn't that right? I won't call her a "drama queen", cause I hate it when they call ME that; I find it unfair to call another that way. Okay, Cat, you're my friend, but I'm sorry... deleting your blog IS not the ANSWER!

Part II will come soon.

Chocostix Codenames

2007-06-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

This is just fooling around

Eric - Milk Chocolate filled with Nutella

Ivan - Milk Chocolate filled with Caramel

Michelangelo - White Chocolate

Rink - Dark Chocolate

Christian - Milk Chocolate extra Nutty

Kyle - Dark Chocolate filled with Cherries

Leonardo - Milk Chocolate filled with Hazelnuts

Giovanni - White Chocolate with nougat

You have NO idea, just how much I've laughed writing this out.

Maybe there's more

2007-06-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

I've been in a rather good mood lately. Well, aside from the fact that I almost died on Wednesday, things haven't been so bad.

What happened on Wednesday? Oh, I was sick, but not your average type of sick... I was enveloped in true, skin burning, body devouring pain. Thank God, though, Leo personally dropped by the Academy to take care of me. (Apparently Draven gave him something to teleport and he was there ASAP). Draven was there with me too, though he couldn't stay very long, due to obvious reasons. So, for most of the day I faced the pain on my own, not being able to move, or do anything at all. When I get THIS sick I can't maintain certain things under control, appearance wise... so only determined people can see me. And damn these people don't notice anything. GIANT clouds of darkness surrounded the school, true dark energy surrounding everyone, and they THOUGHT it was CLOUDY. GOD! Eh.... NO, there was a central focus of the energy... but did anyone mind? No. They thought it would RAIN. Lucky for ME, I guess, but.... -___- PEOPLE. What kind of guardians are you if you can't even perceive and trace energy at their source.

On the other hand, I slapped him! That made me so happy! And it wasn't your average slap... oh No, I took some impulse, as if I were swinging a bat and I imprinted all my nice five fingers into his face. Why? Because he's an.... A-S-S HOLEeeeeeeeeeeee

Since that moment I've been like a piece of ice with him. When I've got papers to handle, I leave them under his door and I've basically made a point of completely erasing him from my head, which in the past I've been known for being good at. I H-A-T-E him.... Erasing those feelings of HATE I have for him, will be a tad bit harder to vanish, but I'm sure nothing's impossible for ME.

The stupid "chocostix" idea. Right. Valentine's.... RIGHT. My initial instinct is to disappear for that day................................. -___-; my REAL instinct is to FLIRT like hell one week before that day so that I get tons and TONS of chocolate. I can't HELP it, I love chocolate.... my blood calls for it, craves it... needs it... And don't get me started on Nutella.... NUTELLA... Ahhh...

So anyways, I've made my decision, and I'm going to flirt twice as much as I originally would do with guys, pretty flirt, nice flirt... nice Ashley, with tons of hearts Ashley, filled with good feelings Ashley... ALL FOR THE CHOCOLATEEE!! THE END JUSTIFIES the MEANS! HAHA! Give me my chocolate and THEN disappear! ....

Sorry.... =) I lost it a minute there.

And now a serious moment...

Draven's very worried about me. He says this mission might not exactly be the best for me. He was talking to me about going home and forgetting about this and sending someone else. I didn't get mad, I understand what he means and why he said it. He's my dearest friend and he knows what's going through my head and what's not. However, there's no turning back.

1. I'm the only one who can do this
2. I CAN do this
3. I'm willing to give my life for it
4. I live for it

No doubt about it, then. I can certainly do it and I most certainly will.

--- Serious moment over -----

COULD THE OTHER GUARDIANS BE ANY MORE PROBLEMATIC? Veronique, Christian, Ivan, Caterina, Michelangelo, Eric, Lucille.... GOD I'm going TO KILL THEM ALL. Caterina... YOU're included. -___-

I might prove myself wrong. I said I wouldn't get involved with ANYONE knowing that I wasn't sure about my feelings. I try to be very careful with that...

... but, I think there MIGHT be something.
... but it's Rocky business ;)

Bureaucracy

2007-06-19T15:12:00.001-07:00

I *REALLY* want a break. In fact, I think I'll go back home for at least three days. I need to. But then again............................. I realize now, that my feelings are quite different to what I thought they were.

It sucks. It does.

When I came to the Rockefeller Academy and got together with the guardians, I made a resolution that I wouldn't care about anyone or anything. I had undergone so many situations and so much shit had happened to me, that I told myself: "RULE 1: You won't get involved". But I screwed up. My personality doesn't allow me to remain aloof, although I would love to. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not precisely caring or loving... but it matters to me. I'm alive after all. If I didn't get involved, at least slightly, then I'd go against the very nature of my being.

Fact is. I would love to leave, because I need a break and I hate dealing with other's peoples problems and I have enough problems myself to be listening to more shit. But I won't leave, because I care about Caterina and what's going on through her head. YEAH CATERINA, I CARE ABOUT YOU >> Even though you're the source of all my headaches and I'll eventually kill you myself, but nonetheless.... I'm not leaving because you need me, and well..........

o(-_-)o

ANYWAYS.

I've got involved with these people. Even Draven is taking me easy and telling me it's alright. Actually he laughed and told me it was typical that I always got into everything. That's the reason I met Kaine in the first place, because Ashley V-- Delton ( ^^ --- Draven will kill me for that one for sure) was always involved in just about anything. They're just important to me right now. Though, at the end, things are what they are, and in the last very minute, the end will justify the means.

And then... there's that Stupid Drama King ("DK"). Turns out I now report to the Student Council. Yeah... HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

Well... I talked to the people in my grade.... I talked A LOT WITH THEM... they thought I had great ideas, suddenly someone said "WE WANT HER TO REPRESENT us"... suddenly everyone was agreeing with the things I had suggested previously. They were telling me that I had the looks and the brains to represent them, and above all the revolutionary streak everyone desired and well... I can't exactly resist.... being a leader. Next thing I knew, the grade was voting... and all of a sudden... I was class President.

And so... DK became kinda my boss. Well, in any case, he'll TRY to be my boss... not that he'll ever be able to order ME around.

By the way. Caterina is going to understand me on this one. I don't really know how I like my chocolate sticks. I definititely like them big and I wouldn't mind if they had cherries on top. Then again, I like anything that has to do with chocolate. I don't really know. In the case we were mentioning, THAT's dark chocolate: it looks delicious and ready to bite, but when you bite it it's just sour, don't you think? I prefer them Milk chocolate, and if they're filled with caramel even better!! YUm! Well, anyways, there are chocolate sticks everywhere. No problem.

However, I THINK I'm in trouble. Because this dark chocolate stick is very special and maybe I really REALLY would spend all my money just to buy it. I don't know. It's quite tempting, but maybe I should look for a Ferrero Rocher chocolate stick, I'm sure it MUST exist.

DAMN. I can't stop THINKING about it. HELP ME.

-________- I want chocolate.

Evading Responsibilities

2007-06-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

I know. I said I wouldn't write again.

I lied.

I'm bored, and unfortunately this is the best way to get rid of all that boredom and extra energy I've had lately.

Caterina and I went to the school auditorium yesterday, took the microphone and had some fun with it. It was hilarious! I can't help it... the sight of a microphone... a stage... it makes me want to use it. I've always adored the attention. We made fun of our teachers and I even got to sing. I know I know! Strange. But it felt like for once I had no responsibilities and nothing mattered.

Minutes after that was over I bumped into Eric in the hallway. He had this characteristic wide smirk, and was staring down at me.

"What?" I blinked, confused at that stupid grin in his face.

"You bumped into me.... you're usually very alert."

"Right." I answered, quirking an eyebrow. The smile was still there. "WHAT, ERIC!?"

"BRINGGGGG meee TO LIFEEEEE! WAKE me up INSIDE!" he started singing lowly.

My eyes widened: he had heard me sing. In fact... he had heard everything. No wonder he was grinning that way. "You... were there?" I know I felt my cheeks growing warm.

"It's okay." He smiled at me, more like he usually did. "I'll keep your secret if you keep mine."

Oh. He was talking about what had happened in the hall. "Alright." I smirked.

He placed his arm around my shoulders. "Now... you must tell me... what's up with looking so pretty... you into someone?"

I rolled my eyes. Okay. So I was dressing a tad bit more sexy than before... that doesn't mean anything. I'm just tired of the "low profile" Draven is always talking about. I need to call the attention. I am what I am after all. I like going into a classroom and have all the guys looking at me (Which is what's happening....... mua ha).

I'm going to prove *HIM* wrong. I'm going to show them all just what my true potential is. Not magic wise mind you, charisma wise. I'm going to have all those 'blokes' eating off the palm of my hand.

Aside from that, I asked Draven to send me some more of my clothes. I left some behind when I came into the Academy. They arrived yesterday and I'm looking at all the beautiful things I own. I've ALWAYS hated shopping, but always loved looking good, that's why I had other people do the shopping for me. Okay. Let's stop being vain... right?

Oh... Rink, if I'm the Drama Queen, you're right up there next to me, the Drama King. "I'm GOING TO go TELL THE PRINCIPLE!" Pff. Please... you just need to hear two or three things about the french and you get all flustered and nervous and your pride peaks up. Awwwwwww.... that's so... Amazing. Sacre BLUE--- I mean BLEU. Don't worry... the french are.... are.... I'll get back to you on that one. But whao. As Caterina cosplayed you, you were doing precisely the same!! It was so funny. But worry not, that's fine, hilarious but fine!! Don't feel so insulted, after all you come from the land of Equality, Fraternity and LIBERTY! You DID know that right? Vive la REVOLUTION!

What ARE you hiding, Rink? Under all that arrogance, what is it you're so desperately trying to hide? I can't imagine how lonely you must really be too. Are you looking for something, for someone? That's the good part about us, who guard our secrets so near, we recognize each other. Oh Drama King, you should really stop playing the part, looking for something to DJ when no sound lurks around.

You might understand a thing or two, but for the wrong reasons. I don't think you really see, and I don't thing you want to do so anyways. What DO you really care about... if you care about anything at all? Eh Drama King? No kingdom to look over?

Let it Be

2007-06-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

It took me about 10 minutes to figure out what I wanted to say in this specific post.

I started writing half an hour later, after various interruptions.

War. As long as everything remains equal, similar, the same, problems do not arise. When you become different, when you have something others don't, when you exhale at a specific area, you're meant to cause problems. Long ago I thought war was the product of a small group of people who wanted trouble. I don't think so any longer. War emerges from every one of us. I've never met anyone who's "pure". In the end, people just need the conflict; need a reason to fight and proove themselves. If we're honest with ourselves we'll figure that much out. War is meant to happen. There's no such thing as "living happily ever after". That's crap, it doesn't happen. Even though, the fact that war will exist nonetheless, it doesn't mean it's good. Consequently, we reach the conclusion that there's a way to 'treat' war. It will exist, what the "PURE" are meant to work for, is to reduce its effects. I don't agree with war; don't get me wrong. More than anyone, I know just how bad it can be.

Then again, this doesn't really matter. You don't really care what you're reading about, do you? You're just bored and you can't find anything else to do, so you come here and read this.

Listen. Do whatever you want. I could care less what you do. After all, this blog is worthless, I've never really said the truth and I never will. I don't care about anything or anybody. War or Peace, I could care a fuck about them.

Why do I suddenly say this? Because it's true... because in the end, the only thing worth it is what you're willing to give for yourself and yourself.

I'm tired of having to pretend... I keep posting, but with every post, it means lesser to me. It's like every time I just make up something to entertain you people. Whatever.

Entertain yourselves. I could bloody care less.

Have a good day.

-ASHES-

Better to shove it off and keep it going

2007-06-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I disappeared. Completely. I didn't want to talk to anyone or interact with anyone.

I spent the day going "around", training and entertaining myself away from the inmediate reality I was facing.

Actually, I stopped by Leo's too. I wanted him to check me up (He's the only one who can anyways). After a short medical visit he indicated a slight problem in my blood (probably product of the fight). He gave me some medicine, although he said that it would eventually get better. The medication were just to speed the process up. If it took me 3 days to heal completely, the medicine would heal me in a day and a half. The rest was normal.

Leonardo Delton is the ONLY doctor allowed to check me. Any other who gets near me with 'medical' intentions, is dead, or I make sure that he's incapacitated enough to not think about doing so again. Anyways... Leo warned me not to get into any trouble. Who is he joking? I'm trouble ITSELF.

"You should tell Eric that you're sick... or anyone for that matter."

"It's just a little inconvenience... it's not something I can't handle." I left the room with that. However, I heard him comment to his wife, Caroline the following:

"I know what she is... I know.... I just wish she would take a little bit more of care of herself. She thinks she's indestructible... but destroying what she destroyed... that was a close call. I don't know how that little bite didn't end up worse. It's a miracle."

I smiled to myself. That I had destroyed that vampire was my pride, although no one else could know under what circumstances and what exactly it was... a little pain was worth it. That little amount of pain, was my trophy for my actions. I really don't care about 'getting hurt'. I seldom get sick or hurt. It doesn't matter. I'm PRETTY hard to kill, and I pride myself in THAT too.

---

I arrived back to the Academy this morning. No one had really noticed I was gone, I guess. I know Eric's with his competition and the rest were probably busy too.

I have my stupid medicine bottle in the hand. This is pathetic. Me! Ashley...... DELTON.... ugh... reduced to drinking pills.

Whatever.

I DID have an embarrassing moment, though. There's something I do... that I've never told anyone that I do... because.... I'm shy about it.... I AM. hahaha... yeah I'm shy about SOMETHING. While I walked into Rockefeller I was doing that without even noticing and DAMN it, two students gawked at me when they heard me. I know I flushed slightly, then glared at them. They both left in a rush, scared... but it was too late. I don't do it anymore. I used to do it all the time.

Might as well say it... ugh... I sing. Not just your normal singing... no, I sing VERY prettily. Music class was the only class I officially ACED when I was little. However, few people have actually heard me... my voice becomes so soft and... CUTE... I HATE IT. That's why I don't do it. It makes me feel... vulnerable. Aside from that, I only sang for very selected people. If your wondering if I sang for him too... -__- I'M NOT SAYING.

I hate singing....

... when someone's around.

-____- sometimes I can't prevent it....

Damn it

Long live, me, btw... mua ha

>< .........

2007-06-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

Do you know when you feel like you want to talk... talk and just talk... that's how I feel right now.

So many things are going through my head...

So many what ifs....

And I can't stop thinking about it.

Me... me... me... when will I be able to by myself? i can't tell them. This is what I am, but no one can know.

I just had a terrible flashback, right there in class, I stood up and left the classroom. I went back... back to that place... maybe because I was thinking about him. This mission is making me realize...

Just how much I still have to grow up and understand.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't. I'm just babbling. Ignore me.

In Trouble

2007-06-12T06:29:00.000-07:00

I hate vampires. Yeah. I pretty much hate most of them. The elders are nice, though, but that's because they're the elders. And they're not even nice, they're just... LOYAL, which is something you can't find on your every day vampire.

I got bit by one. But not to worry, I survived and I ended up beating it.

That's why I'm in trouble actually. Draven yelled at me for about 2 hours this morning when I woke up. I'm still slow, so I just heard, while I held my neck. Mysteriously, the wound isn't there anymore; though I still think my blood was poisoned. It's fine now, anyways. My body isn't QUITE like it always is... I have a headache, but truth be told, I feel like I'm recuperating, that's what's important.

They all think of me as a child, and I completely understand them. One day I'll be powerful like them. It's prooved... you can have every technique, know every dark art, but there's that little power that only time gives you. I admire all these 'elders', and I think I've given them something to talk about... I mean... that wasn't an ordinary vampire.

Aside from that, it was Caterina that impressed me. She might not remember some minor details, but she fought excellently. That was awesome... I KNEW it she had it in her and I think she does so to now! :)

Although we're both TIRED as hell.

Personally, I was actually listening in class and I've remained passive througout the day. The only thing that worries me is *MY* dream. Yeah. I'm sure Cat's dream must've been weird. You think it's the effect of this battle...?

Don't tell anyone about this, it's my secret: how happy I was to see him, if only in my dreams, how lonely it gets sometimes when I know that I won't ever be able to forget him.

I DO wonder if I'll be able to move on from him. After all.... it's hard for me to forget, it's part of my nature.

Pfft! In my dream I remembered the first time we kissed. It was INCREDIBLE, so hot and there was this REALLY strong emotion going through my body. HE must've liked it too, because he was SO into the kiss, he screwed up and we went through a wall. I'll NEVER forget that one... and sure afterwards xD he didn't do it again, but that first time was GOLDEN. When I asked him:

"Will we go through the bed if we have sex?" He became so flustered and flushed.

Hehe. THAT didn't happen.

Yeah. MY MIND always goes into THAT. hahaha.

Caterina, I understand you completely... liking someone JUST for the sex and physical attraction... sexual tension... happens all the time. Though be careful, sometimes what starts physically is doubly as strong as if it had started emotionally.

Ow! My head... my whole body itches... Damn vampires. I hope this doesn't last much longer.

Screwed it

2007-06-11T08:04:00.001-07:00

I've been sitting here for the past 7 hours.

Here being the top of the tallest building in all the school, where no one will find me; where no one can even reach me. I've been staring at the stars for a while, having slept nothing at all. They look very pretty like that, inmobile in the sky. When you see them, you'd think there's nothing wrong with the world.

Ha. If you think that, you're a fool.

The whole world is just plain wrong, specially when we talk about humans. They're existence itself is chaotic. Sometimes I wish I weren't part of all this... I wish my past had been different and consequently my future was something I didn't have the necessity to completely forge. However, things are not like we want and I have no other option.

It's hard to pretend, even when it comes naturally to you.

I wish I could be completely honest, just go right into it all. But I can't be. I've been waiting so long for this. I just can't screw it more than it already is.

After all, the original plan was not to interact... and look at things now!? I hate to think that I've partially failed a mission, but I can't fight my nature sometimes.

With all due honesty, there are a lot of things I would like to change, or would like to plainly destroy. I can't. Again, I must be patient and wait.

The reason I screwed it really bad was because I told him something I shouldn't. Yes yes... you know when you're not supposed to let a man know when you like him? Pfft. It's never worked with me. I ALWAYS end up telling, and right to his face too. I would love to see myself, though. I know how I feel when I say it. I feel like "SO? I don't FUCKING care about the FUCKING world, I LIKE YOU, OKAY? And I'm A GRAND PRIZE, okay?" That's SIMILAR to the attitude I say it with: like if I couldn't care a flying fuck. Truth is... I DO care a flying fuck.

I remember my FIRST declaration of ardent love to Kaine. Yeah... right in the middle of the school. "Yes I LIKE HIM, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?" ANd he wasn't even THERE! hilarious. I thought he was though. He wasn't. And the thing is... I COULD be a little bit more romantic or reserved. I hate bloody Lucy for being so "EASY" with men sometimes. Scratch that... it's how easy SHE is with men. I can't be like that. I like flirting with them, teasing them unmercifully, I love PLAYING with guys. Point is.... I mean, THING is... I need to be free to do so. It's stupid. Damn.

I'm very confident of the way I look and I know how to use my tools. The LITTLE problem, is that I know how to use them, usually on the people I don't really care about that much. Let's take Kaine again as an example... When we were OFFICIALLY girlfriend and boyfriend, I was really normal and easy going and MYSELF. Whao. That was weird... I haven't been like that for a while.... Take Draven now, I'm always myself with him, it's just natural, but I don't really love him, not in that way I mean. I can dress sexy, give a man a very nice and enthralling smile, but just when I know there's no risk IN MY PART. It's so much easier when you don't love that person... you have nothing to lose.

But when you like that person.... you screw up.

Like me.

I'm an expert at it.

WHY did I TELL him?

Damn. Damn. Damn.

I don't run. I never run. But right now, I don't want to see him again. I promised myself I'd keep a distance, and I will. THAT is... IF MY HORMONES ALLOW ME TO DO SO....

Alright.

Fuck it. Screw it.

I'm asking Draven to send me some 'Riz', a special drink...

That should get me drunk! HA!! :D Yay!

Black Rose

2007-06-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

The legend says that there was once a rose that used to grow every night in the top of a rocky hill. It was said to grant immortality to those that would drink of its serum. However, the black rose was surrounded by thousands of thorn filled trees and whoever unlucky enough to touch one would die instantly. Because of the risk, no one dared venture into the realms of the black rose. Therefore... every night the rose grew, and every night it withered away; never gifting anyone with its wondrous treasure. And it would be destined to remain that way... for all eternity. Dying alone, giving no one the gift of immortality.

The story itself has many lessons to it, the most important, for me, being: we can only grasp the things we desire the most, when we take a risk worthy of having them.

Regardless of anything else, I guess we all think of ourselves as Black Roses once in a lifetime. There's always something we're dying to give, but that no one dares.... 'conquer'? There's always a part of us that awakens just to satisfy one specific need, but immediately dies if that need is not take care of. But we're not roses and we certainly not part of a fairy tale.

I can't describe the feeling itself. I can identify with that rose almost perfectly. There's something within me that was born for a specific task. However, it never seems to accomplish its true mission, because it keeps dying just like it was born. Just like that... I wait endlessly, and maybe I'm doomed to be like that rose, and I'll wait for all eternity. I know my situation, and I know I'm not an easy person. Yes... I can easily imagine all those thorn surrounding me, and I'm not unfair enough to ask anyone to look beyond.

There are two sides to me. One of them is just that black rose, that dies never having given anything to anyone. The other side is the side I show the world: the one that's not corrupted or tainted, a picture of ice and indifference. That side is just a mask. It probably represents the thorns... it will never allow anyone beyond it. The other side is sleeping deep within me, never talking, silently being born and dying, silently withering away, unnoticed.

Maybe that's the way it's meant to be. It doesn't matter, does it?

Maybe the rose is just meant to be a rose, never to be touched, never to be savoured...

Then again... what we least is expect, is what we end becoming.

WEELLL

2007-06-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

As I had said in my PREVIOUS entry, Drafo came by. I admit it. It had been such a long time since we had physically seen each other that I was extremely happy. While he was here, I called him 'Draven', name I usually give when he uses his 'human' form. He spent some hours next to me, watching the whole student area. At about 7:00 pm he went with me to my dorm. How did he do it, you wonder? Well, he’s a very powerful being, which enables him to travel freely unnoticed sometimes. This occasion was no exception. I don’t think anyone noticed him going into the room anyways.

Draven has been with me ever since either can remember. In a way… you could call him my personal guardian and he’s always made sure to take care of me. “TAKE CARE OF ME”. Right. When we were kids he realized I didn’t exactly need protection, save from myself, he used to tease. One day, when we were teenagers, he held my hand and kissed it.

“They jinxed me in this job.” He said back then

“Why do you say?” I whispered, frowning slightly

“You never needed protection to start with.”

Those words always circled my head; and I remember them still, I have a PRETTY good memory.

Truth is… that the only time we weren’t ‘together’, was when I became HIS (Kaine's) girlfriend. I knew Draven was dead jealous. He got pissed at me, we didn’t speak much anymore and when we DID see each other, we just fought. It could be a stupid argument, but we would let it get to us. Still, EVEN through this stage, he called me all the time. You can really say we were never apart then. And I trust him…. The one person I can say I trust with MY LIFE.

When I broke down, I locked myself entirely from the world. However, he stood right outside the door, waiting, whispering through, and trying to get to me every day. He knew what I felt; he could feel my pain, that’s how strong our link is… sometimes it even hurts. When I came back to my senses, his, was the first face I saw.

This isn’t really important. What I want to highlight is the fact that we’re each like one side of the same coin. Whether it was destined… or made… fact is, he’s the only kinda ‘family’ I have left. We’re NOT family, and we don’t want to be… jeez with all the things that have happened between us, if we had been family it would’ve been a crime.

And this is the part where I admit what happened…. Draven wasn’t my first kiss or anything like that. However, we used to play around all the time afterwards… hugs, little kisses, teasing… This is embarrassing but we even practiced one or two things. Ah! I KNOW I’m a bitch. It must seem unfair that I know he loves me and I don’t feel the same way about him; yet we do things just for the hell of it. He doesn’t seem to mind one bit. Long ago he confided in me:

“I know that it’s unrequited love, Ashes.” He laughed. “I envy Kaine…” he was still alive back then “…because he gets to have you completely. You adore that man and there’s nothing I can do about it. Anyways… this is dumb.” He stared at me “Our kinds can never mix, by sacred law; I guess I always dreamt that you and I would be the exception. It’s okay though… I’m good. I’m just happy to be here with you.”

Damn it, that dragon.

Pfft. Afterwards he got into VARIOUS relationships of all kinds and we used to talk about them. Best friends.

After Kaine died, Draven didn’t try anything. He was just with me.

A few years later, though… we… tried a little bit of everything. Sex with Draven wasn’t like the sex with Kaine at all. It was just plain teasing and having fun and it was very easy. It wasn’t HOT or STEAMY, or “THIS WAS LIKE EXPERIMENTING DEATH ARR!” NO… none of that. It was more like a game, as if we were playing.

We never dated. We would’ve killed one another. He knew me too well and I knew HIM too well. It would’ve been a HUGE mistake to get together. In fact, you could tell just how things were between us, judging by the levels of jealousy. NEITHER was jealous of the other. We could fuck with the whole world, and then we’d get together and just have sex ourselves and laugh at the others. Haha! How mean!

“The good thing of us…” he said, staring at me “…is that we take it lightly, we’re like each other’s relief…”

“PFFt! You’re just my stupid dragon, fuck buddy, TRYING to do something, but believe me… I barely know when it’s in there… most of the time I’m just pretending… sorry to break it up to you…”

It was like that. It’s ALWAYS been like that. It’s just PLAIN teasing. I LOVE flirting, and I love TEASING even more. Draven and I later had other relationships and stuff, TRUE, but we would learn most of the ‘techniques’ practicing ourselves. But that’s just EMBARRASSING and I won’t talk about THAT.

It’s just fun. Ah… when we could forget the problems and just BE ourselves… no hiding, no masking the truth… none of that. That’s what he reminds me off.

Point is… last night he came by and he listened intently to all I had to say. He can’t be with me right now, because of obvious reasons in the human world. I missed him so much! One second he was hugging me, saying goodbye, the other second we had done it….

It shocked US. It was fast and NEEDY.

Afterwards, he laughed “RIGHT….”

I laughed too. “Whao. You’ve gotten better with time.”

He quirked an eyebrow “I’m like good wine, princess.”

I slammed a pillow into his face. “Thanks for the service, do I pay you Cash or credit card?’

“Do you even HAVE a credit card?”

“NO…” I laughed

“Cheater.” He kissed me and stood up, putting his pants on.

I smiled at him. “I luv ya, you stupid dragon, you.”

He gave me a peck in the lips. “Luv ya too, bratty princess. Too bad this is all sex and nothing else, huh?”

“YOU ARE GOOD AT SOMETHING OTHER THAN SEX!?”

HE threw ME a pillow. “Take care, Ashes.”

“Always, Draven.”

He said goodbye to me then. I was really happy. I’m going to miss him, but it’s alright. He’s a stupid dragon after all. ^^

We, the Dark Ones.

2007-06-06T07:05:00.001-07:00

I've gone through two days in detention already. 2/8

Now... the first day I smashed, LITERALLY, my hardcover book into Rink's face. I mean, really... that was a homerun alright. Imagine using the strength you use when you're playing baseball and swinging the bat. I used THAT same technique here, but add a tad bit of rage to the formula. After I had smashed the book, I thought I would've broken some teeth in there. Luckily for me, the guy is tougher than he looks and nothing happened. That was... Day 1

Day 2. Rink somehow figured out how to use my book. He READ from it, causing a giant monster to emanate from it and almost devour us whole. Then and there a lot of things happened, which, good for me, he doesn't remember. However, for one second, Rink's eyes changed color and I saw him. I don't know if it was my need to see him, or the fact that I can't ever get him out of my mind... or that a battle like this one: dangerous and challenging makes me relive those moments with him. For one second I thought he was alive, and he was before me, cupping my face and whispering my name. But those were seconds, and seconds fly as if they never happened. I think about it now and I make myself belive it was just a dream and detention was like every other day. I make myself forget, just like he did; as if I, had been punished and entitled never to see him again. After the shock, I couldn't prevent the tears, however I covered my face. I seldom cry. IN fact, I think last time I cried was LONG ago. In a run for the money, I left the room, taking care of the tears. Then, when I was cool again I went back for my book. However it wasn't there. The book was just a copy, the original is in my own library back home, but it was one of my favorite books!

I overreacted, you know? I should've remained cool and aloof, as I usually am. But he spoke those words... words no one's supposed to know. How did he know? Forsaken words, impossible to speak words, words only taught to a few selected. Words that belong to us, the dark creatures.

What does Rink represent to me? I honestly ask myself that. What is he before me? Two days in detention and I'm already seeing my dead lover, yeah way to go. Can I keep myself from him too? This... all that I am... can I keep on keeping it to myself? One day... I'll just break into what I truly am and they won't be able to control me. BUT I CAN'T. I must calm myself down, NO ONE must know that I'm this. Even though I'm already tired of the form I have now. I am. I no longer want to be this. Being human, SUCKS.

Rink... Oh Rink. I seem to hate you and like you at the same time. I don't even know why I like you, you have given me no reason whatsoever. The only reason I can think of is that you remind me of HIM. Then... I see no other reason why to like you. I do have a lot of reasons to hate you, though. I seem to be your fucking pet: you think you can handle me and sanction me and order me around. That's all I am to you. You couldn't care less about my feelings or seem the slightest interested in me. I hate you because I thought I could like you, but unfortunately I'm not getting into the Tamara... Cecile... package. I hate you because you're selfish and vain and you're never there. You're the least dependable person ever. I see no reason whatsoever to like you. In fact, you'd be the type of person I would like to kill if I had the chance. But more than any of this, I hate you because you make me jealous and possessive and extremely angry... you break my cool and training. I hate you! I HATE YOU! I HATE you!! UGH! A LOT!! DIE RINK DIEEEEeeeeeeeee!

Breathe...

1... 2.... 3....

DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Okay. Done. Phew.

I hate myself for what I'm about to say but... WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT JERK? I'm HOT and I'm SMART. Not only am I good in BED but I PROVIDE a nice conversation right after. Isn't that WHAT EVERY man DREAMS about? Oh, no... they prefer the STUPID, good for nothing women that just fuck and give. That's great. Regardless their origin, MEN ARE ALL THE SAME! And I really can't believe I'm even facing this kind of conflict, you know? After all, I promised myself I'd hold ALL my feelings in check. Somehow I've broken that self-made promise. In MANY occassions, mind you: I care for Eric, I do... and I care for Caterina too, that's for once. Okay, forgetting about this trail of thought... right now half of the guys in school want to date me. Not that I'd date THEM, but I bask in the attention.

This is stupid. This is.

And everytime I sound like this I just want to laugh in a corner or somewhere. No... really... Currently I'm laughing my head off. Pfft.

I got myself a new book for detention. It's also magical, but it's not dangerous. That's what I like to read after all.

Damn. *yawn*

I think Drafo will come to visit me. He's a dragon! :) But he can take human form. He's my best friend in the whole wide world, and probably the one that knows the most about me. He got a way to come here. He'll drop by last night. I love it when he comes... but our story is LONG. You know when you're COMPLETELY comfortable with someone... that's him. He's loved me for YEARS, but he has to face unrequited love alright. But we tease each other with that, though. It's like we're TOO comfortable with the other... it would never be.

(By this point I'm also wondering about Ivan... who I seldom see because of the sanction I'm going through, but who I think would stand a chance in my agenda? I don't know either... It's not like I REALLY care about relationships right now, as I've said... we'll see)

ANYWAYS. I'm going to train a little bit, and since Drafo is coming over tonight, i'm going to have some FUN!!

Finally, but not because of it the least important... I spoke to THEM, the other dark ones. We all agreed I'd have to do several missions here while the other stuff falls into place. This just means I'll have to exit the school grounds at night. But as I said... I don't need sleep, so I'll just take advantage of the nights.

Being Cared For - Strength

2007-06-04T08:44:00.000-07:00

I read Caterina's post this morning. I hadn't realized she was going to wreck a car, honestly. Most people would look at me with a critic eye: but GOOD for her. She should've wrecked two more and damn it, take it all out. Sometimes, others don't understand, that losing yourself, letting go of the pain in the most unusual of ways, makes one feel free. Pfft. I certainly can't blame her... she wrecked a car... big deal, in my days I used to destroy buildings. haha. No, I was just joking, but I DO have a thing for destroying things. Usually, I take out the energy through the training.

I wish I could help her.

Maybe due to the way I've always been, I've never gone through what she's going. When I was done... when I 'broke' darkness simply took over. But I've said this already. I was numb too. I wanted the pain to go away. Until one day I woke up and realized it was I who had to make a difference and build something for myself again. Ever since, yeah.. I have my purpose. I fend for myself and for many others. They depend on me. That 'dependency' has made me strong and I can keep on going, head high. When I'm feeling hurt, I think about them and suddenly I realize that ALL THIS is just temporary. One day, I'll return to where I'm supposed to be.

Still... I wish I could give HER something that could make her stand free and forget about all the shit around her. Anger management? Stupid People. It's not about ANGER MANAGEMENT. Isn't there anyone that understands? Ha. Humans are stupid. Then again, I've always known this. Sometimes I'm AMAZED how stupid they can be (before I thought ALL of them were, now I know there a certain exceptions).

I'm going to be there for her. Just in case. If she needs me, I can handle anything. I can! haha. There goes my innate modesty.

As much as I like her (cause I do, she's really nice, and THIS IS BIG that I'm saying this, OKAY?)... I want to talk about something else.

----

A LONG TIME AGO.... imagine a fairy tale beginning... LONG LONG ago....

I used to love a man very very much. In fact, we loved each other. Oh and the sex was great too. Unfortunately, because life is a bitch, he passed away under extremely... uncommon circumstances. It took me a while to recover from THAT blow. After losing my parents, losing him was like the Coup de Grace. God was telling me 'die child, no one loves you anymore'. Yeah. I got a tad bit depressed. (STRIKE ONE)

But that was a LONG time ago as I mentioned.

Then, not long ago, in fact, very recent, I began to like another guy. Yes. I had a crush on him. He reminded me of that LOVE, and maybe I found in him what I had adored from the previous. However, this man is.... ah... how do I put it delicately... a PIECE OF SHIT. So. Yeah. I don't want to be this guy either. I mean, and here I'm being perfectly honest, cause I usually AM, it's not that my body doesn't react to him, but I'm tired. I am. After you live a life like mine and you've taken in so much, you eventually get tired of the same old routines, jokes and abuses. You do. I search for stability. (STRIKE TWO)

So in comes this dashing young man, who's in my same class and has this great personality. I think HE REALLY likes me. He's always talking to me and smiling with that KNOWING smile at me, and he's extremely good looking. He sets my body on fire too, although I try to be somewhat decent and hide this fact, as much as I can. I think he's someone that I can count on. A person that you can also share with many things. He's someone I think I can trust. He gives off that sensation. He's stable, alright, I can tell everything about him is just... Let's leave it here. (STRIKE THREE)

Now... Logical reasoning leads you to the following.

x = First guy dead, keep him in your heart, your first love, but move on.

y = Second guy's a jerk, he doesn't really care about you, forget about him (-x)

z = Third guy is a jackpot, take him, fuck him and enjoy him, you've won the lottery girl

So...

x + (-x) + z = Z

yay. Math. my favorite.

Makes sense, logical, but no...

See... there's nothing LOGICAL about relationships. There never will be. If it's not your bloody heart guiding you one way and your mind the other, it's your fucking memories tricking you.

Conclusion: I've lived a pretty long life. That's no guarantee against mistakes. Inevitably, mistakes make you stronger and you learn from them. They will happen. Now. I also realize that this Z option might just be someone I can hard core fall in love with, but if I dated him NOW, I know I'd just do so to take advantage of the situation in perjudice of Y. I'm not going to that to him. I want to be honest about my feelings, like I've always been and set straight what I want to do. I don't want to be around Y anymore. He's given me no reason whatsoever to trust him, care for him and let alone like him. I want Z to win me over, I'm not going to play hard to get. I'll just let things BE. If he succeeds in calling MY attention and making me see stars... then... I'm all his.

That's for that.

But... Even though I'm sure relationships are important. My life doesn't revolve around them. I'm lonely and I'd love to have someone there, but if there's no one, I won't go crazy either. I want to prove myself to myself alone, and give it my best. I walk alone... generally. xD

So! I'll keep on with it... I've already taken a like to danger and adventure... I've already decided that NOTHING Is going to stop me from my goal... :)

I'll never let myself get down. I am, after all....

------- ASheS ---------

Let Go

2007-06-03T22:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I was walking through the school grounds late at night. I don't tend to sleep much. IN fact, I need very few hours of sleep.

As I walked through the darkness, it was so very relaxing. The trees whispered a soft song into the skies. While I trailed the familiar path of the 'forest' as I call it, the stars seemed to fall down. I looked up and I realized a showering of stars happening before my very eyes. It was strange to see all the lights slowly falling towards the land. I guess I'm a bit skeptic, but I thought, that even though it was beautiful it was also foreboding. Whatever it meant, I enjoyed it. You don't get to see that every day.

When the spectacle had finished I realized it was almost time for everyone to start waking up.

Aside from this, I went to see Caterina singing in a Festival. She did a great job and I congratulate her for it. You won't get many COMPLIMENTS from me, so when I SAY it's GOOD, it's because it's GOOD. So yeah, kuddos for you, Cat, you were wonderful!

----

As for the title of this entry, I love the song "let go" by Frou Frou. I know, it sounds strange, but it's worth it.

----

There's this guy in my class... he's been looking at me for several days. I think his name is Ivan, but I don't really know. I never pay attention to the list anyways, but he's very handsome...

AND... the Talent show is coming up....

Two words:

CAN'T WAIT

Goodbye

2007-06-01T07:43:00.000-07:00

The title itself is probably subject to confusion.

No. I'm not going anywhere.

It's just a formal goodbye, a mental farewell to those that have left and won't return.

A lot of people played key parts in allowing me to surpass myself. Most of them have passed on, and I'm kinda angry at them. It's very tough being left behind. Maybe I had to check that their passing would be followed by a trail of dignity and honor upon their names; but still, it's very hard to see all these valuable souls disappear into the unavoidable clash of our fate. I hate it. Staying here, without them, it feels so sad. However, a good reason to continue was given to me, and for such... the goodbye isn't as bad as it would be in other occassions. To them, it's not even a goodbye, it's a "see you later".... And I hope it's a "SEE YOU VERY LATER" kind of thing. hahaha.

Goodbye.

Yeah... to you too. This is all about me, about how I don't want to be secluded from my own self anymore. This is about vengeance and rage and not needing you. So goodbye, it was fun.

They say the heart needs not what the mind considers nonexisting. I completely agree. And keeping to exist, annoying me, is an easily solved problem, I've never had an issue with freeing myself from feelings before; especcially if to do so, I have to kill... now killing excites me. It always does and always will.

Goodbye.

Yeah... to you guys too. Though you've thought we were something we never were, it's time to realize it's never going to be. Believe me. I'm sorry I'm meant to do something you'll never forgive me for. But you guys won't stop me, hell... no one will.

Still... this would be too sad if I were just saying goodbye and goodbye....

Hello.

To you. You've gave me an opportunity in seeking something worth protecting. To you I say hello, please love me, because I'll say it many times, "I love you".

I bet you're all confused who I'm saying goodbye and hello to xD HAHAH! Pfft! You'll never know! Mua ha! <-- part of me that hasn't slept a wink for days (Literally!)

- Across my Memory -

2007-05-31T18:21:00.000-07:00

Today, I spent the whole day training. I did some spells, exercised: swimming, ran a bit, and overall, shadow trained. I wanted to make sure my abilities are efficient and good. Something I was successful in proving. It was tough, but I handled it just fine. That's good.

Caterina rang me today... something about eating Eric's Mozzarella (that was the plate's name). Caterina, get IT OVER with, it's JUST a plate. (you DID pinch it several times with your fork, right?). That's terrible luck for you....

While I was swimming today, something happened. I discovered an underwater cave under the school lake. That's actually were I trained. It's a secret spot, where you're COMPLETELY alone. It's not too cold down there, but it's not HOT either, I guess its temperature is just fine. It's a beautiful place, not only because it's filled with shining crystals all around, but because the water creates some sort of music against its walls. A relaxing place inside such a hell-like institution: the Academy.

This translates to the fact that I went missing all day. I had left my cellphone near my bag (which I had left in a tree near the lake) and then I was under water where I assure you, probably no one will ever go. (it's almost impossible to get down there. I'm telling you.) I don't care what about detention anymore. That doesn't really matter to me. School records? They won't make a difference IN MY LIFE. Ha! That's it, I guess. I stopped caring about all those things. Other circumstances plague my mind and I seem to find myself thinking about them.

It doesn't matter.

Nothing does.

Anything you could possibly give some love too, doesn't matter either.

Everything is ever changing. Our hearts, our minds... ourselves. We are constantly transforming into other beings, into different people. What's the point then, of taking things too seriously? What's the point of being vain? It's all of us. We're all stuck in the eternal void of balance and fortune... always rocking between the weight of the world in our shoulder and the unbearable lightness of the unknown. Why should I care then? Give me ONE good reason. After all, isn't it better to be numb, to be somewhere in the middle and carry on indifferently? But then again, it's true 'being indifferent' also takes too much of an effort.

I'm constantly worrying about my own purpose in life. I've got plenty and I would die for my purpose. At the same time, I fear death. After all, those like me, we tend to grasp life and never want to let go of it. But I... Ashley Vasser, would give myself entirely for my mission, for what I think is important. Even if it takes hundreds of years, I'll keep on to it. Knowing I'm needed makes me strong, makes me deal with half of the things that come my way. If I were numb, then it wouldn't make any sense. The things I did would have absolutely no influence in me and then the reason for wanting to do them would be lacking. I am what my circumstances, what i've been raised to be and what I believe I am. Though it might sound strange and confusing, that's the way it is.

I want to be alone now. I don't mean I want to lock myself in the cave and never go out. No. I want to have a challenge, make sure that no matter what happens, my essence is still the same. Feeling out of place, I guess, is part of it. Not knowing what will happen with myself tomorrow, is somewhat exciting yet terrifying.

It doesn't matter... as I've said, who cares?

Anyways... and thing is... no matter what. I still have the future to look forward too. I want to create something that the rest acknowlegde me for. That's who I am. Going through life, learning about it, facing it... turns you into someone other people consider worth knowing. That's the type of person I want to be, I'm hoping to become.

Then again, this is just a long story, too many words and I'm becoming tired. I'll talk a bit more later.

FUCK YOU 2! YAY!

2007-05-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

Hi Caterina.

I was going to apologize to you.

YES. I was going to A-P-O-L-O-G-I-Z-E for the things I said.

I was GOING to.

That's right. PAST tense. GOING.

Fuck YOU. REally. I didn't talk to you during those break-up days because I had a fucking agenda with you. I actually wanted to be someone who you could count on when you were down. But oh well, you never DO seem to notice that people DO try to be nice to you from time to time. AND YES, I SCREAMED TONS of things to your face, 'whiney princess' was not one of them, sorry BUT I DON'T USE THOSE KIND OF EXPRESSIONS. And the REASON I DID is NOT BECAUSE I HATE you, but BECAUSE I think there's so much more you can give, but you don't really care, do you? You don't REALLY want to be all that you CAN be. You just want to sit and talk shit... talk shit about other people, AND NOW EVEN ABOUT YOURSELF. Whao. Congratulations, you really DO know all your flaws... TOO bad you don't do ANYTHING about them.

So yeah. Fuck you, write all you want about me in your journal. I told you a lot of things, I REALLY AM SORRY I yelled all that, I DO CONSIDER you as a friend, as I've said before, BUT I REALLY can't believe you. Instead of talking to me, you just write all this crap about me. Well thanks. That's what you always do, don't you? You never talk things out or are honest with the people around, when you're hurt, you just sit in your goddamn journal. You should really be proud of yourself.

I'm not the big shot, I'm the first one to fall, and feel like shit, and I know tons about being alone and wanting to die, but you know what? I don't really care what I am, what people say about me, or about the fact that I might never be accepted. You know... I REALLY cared for you. Why would I write an entry about 'FRIENDS' tell you you're one if I didn't mean it. I thought you knew me better than that, but apparently you don't. Apparently you think something different of me too. I REALLY wanted to talk to you, and tell you that I was sorry, IN FACT, I spent the whole day yesterday THINKING HOW I WOULD APOLOGIZE TO YOU. ME!? What A WASTE OF 24 hours. Obviously, you don't WANT me to apologize, you just want to push everyone away!!

You want to be pitied........... OH but YOU Don't.... REally? I do pity you. Because you can't pull your act together. You can't seem to understand that VERONIQUE isn't THE HOTSHOT you think she is... does YOUR LIFE DEPEND ON HER OR SOMETHING? Why do you CONSTANTLY compare YOURSELF TO HER? She's AN ICE QUEEN. That's what you want to be? Yeah, that's someone EVERYONE LIKES. To THINK I thought you were so much more woman that Eric could handle, but you said so yourself, YOU Want them to be together. You're so fucking jealous you don't see how much YOU are. I REALLY DO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. I wish you could see how many people really DO care. I really do. I'm a bitch. I'm sorry for having to BITCH at you. Next time, I'll just shut up and not say anything so that you think all is okay. Cause that's friendship right? Not saying anything... pretending we're the closest of people: doing peace signs and taking pictures. I missed the "Friends 101" SORRY. Next time give me a manual. Maybe I'll tell you some things you want me to say and you want to hear.

Worst part, is that I still have faith on you. I mean, still, FUCK YOU... but I really think you can pull yourself together and DO something. You write all this stuff about "The best damn thing" you NEED to write about it, you REALLY need to think YOU ARE the best damn thing. Maybe you are, maybe you're not, I don't care. Whatever you are, because you're not sure yourself, YOU'RE NOT, I'm still going to CHEER for you. Yes... as a matter of fact I will. Because I don't care if you write another entry where you insult me, or call me stuff I'm not, or just talk shit, I don't care... I'm going to continue thinking you're a person that's worth knowing.

You know what? No, really, you know what? Shove something UP YOUR ASS. Oh wait... there's already something there... a stick maybe? PFFT! Get yourself killed, or hang yourself. We all make mistakes. But we need to search for something to live... a PURPOSE. You're constantly looking for excuses for your actions.

Yeah. I really DO apologize: FOR BEING HONEST, for not talking in your Back, for WANTING YOU TO TRAIN SO THAT YOU CAN FUCKING SURVIVE. YOU'RE ENTIRELY RIGHT, I'm EVIL. I REALLY AM! HAHAHA! I'm PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO CARED IF YOU LEARN HOW TO DO AN ATTACK CORRECTLY! I'm PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS WILLING TO TRUST YOU, EVEN A LITTLE--

You are SO STUPID, Caterina. You really are. I wanted to be your friend, but you just fucked that up too?

Confusing Thoughts

2007-05-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

More and more people are joing the blog community. I DO swear, though, that if Lucy gets a journal, I'm officially taking this one entirely down and never turning my computer on again. I wouldn't like ANY of this to fall in HER hands. She's annoying... very VERY annoying, in fact, unbearable. Well... anyways, I really don't mind having more journals to read, it's rather entertaining when you've got nothing to do at your job, and believe me, I like taking minutes off just to doze off.

Today, I took some time just to relax. There's this place in Fantasia, only I and Drafo know about, and I went there, just to be alone, just to relax and take some time away from everything else. To be completely honest, I felt so tired today. As if, I just wanted to sleep for a long time and wake up a thousand years later. However, I just day-dreamed. It was completely silent and I had various hours to think about how everything's going.

To some point, everyone... I think... is happy. Right? I haven't heard of any more messes lately, so that's what I guess. Anyways, I don't think it really matters. Everyone lives in their own world, thinking about their own wants and needs. People don't care about others, and that's specially applied to humans: they seldom realize the needs of others. That's probably the reason why they're so far behind.

Sometimes I feel like this... I think about my past and future, and I just want to take things slowly. Ouuns are near to being inmortal, but that's just a matter of speech, we'll all die too, I just want to make my existence worth it. I worry about my relationship with Ivan too, how much do I love him? How much does he love me? How much would we give for the other? Maybe I'm thinking too much about a relationship that's not even meant to be. Although I want to be with him, what makes us consider we can do it? I mean... CAN we?

Well, aside from that, I was thinking about a peculiar episode that happened long ago. When I visited Vega, I usually did it through a stop-watch Kaine had gifted me with. At first, he used it. But in the end, I went so much, he just decided I could keep it for some time. When everything happened, I gave that watch to Jura... my siren friend. She needed the blasted thing. I wonder what happened to that damn thing... after all.... it was one of the few things I still had that reminded me of him.

--DEMONHEART--

2007-05-26T19:11:00.000-07:00

CONFUTATIS MALEDICTIS TRAGEDY STORMS HIM WHEN DEMONS SPARE HER LIFE AND ALL DISCOVER SHE HAS A DEMONHEART... DEMONHEART!

Feeling trapped in with the slimy creatures now close to being killed
she soon revealed her forgotten, sad past first to herself
they smelled her flesh ready to be devoured, but something happened
they moved awayseeming to be frightened
sparing her life

Shocked again she opened the gates of her tragic past
and bloody images came back to her mind
She remembered the old mission the dark comet's goal beyond the suns...
the flight through that black hole...

CONFUTATIS MALEDICTIS TRAGEDY STORMS HIM WHEN DEMONS SPARE HER LIFE AND ALL DISCOVER SHE HAS A DEMONHEART... DEMONHEART!

She lived again in some frames of sorrow
that evil journey
planned by the Arias' exploring section to find new worlds
But all that they found beyond their system was the black portal
depths of oblivion came back to their world once opened it

Arkan and the other warriors who observed the scene could not feel the same way now about that girl
He moved to her taking her hand running away fast from his old friends...
all for her...
he loved her...

CONFUTATIS MALEDICTIS TRAGEDY STORMS HIM WHEN DEMONS SPARE HER LIFE AND ALL DISCOVER SHE HAS A DEMONHEART... DEMONHEART!

Being Stupid

2007-05-26T19:04:00.001-07:00

I was so happy when I heard about the news: you're going to be Queen Ashley Vasser. Sure. For years, I had been hoping it would be so. I wanted to have that crown and legally govern Imbross without anything getting in my way.

Then again, thinking about it… sometimes we have just do things that we know might shock other people. Those people, who don't understand us, might think we've lost it. They don't really get it, do they? Haha. That's why I say, when they don't get it "I'm just being stupid".

I thought things over and I declined the offer of becoming queen… just yet. I asked dad if he could hold the crown a moment longer. He looked at my completely bewildered.

"I thought this is what you wanted, Ashley."

"I thought so too, Dad." I laughed. He didn't know what to say. I kissed his forehead, then left.

The thing is this. I just can't become queen at the moment. I care about too many people in the human world, at the moment, and if I took the crown, I'd never see them again. If I DID get to see them, it wouldn't be all the time I want to. One day, eventually, we must part ways, because my destiny is my destiny, and I want to become what I was born to be. Right now, I just want to be selfish, and stay with these kind people that have given so much.

This doesn't sound much like me, does it? Ha! Time changes how we think, indeed.

Ivan……. Eric… Caterina… Lucy… John… Richard… Veronique………. Rink. If I took the crown, I could no longer be with them. So right now… I've made my decision. I'll stay a while longer in the human world. Just for the hell of it.

I'm telling you, this is just plain ironic: I'm happy about the decision I've always made… and THIS, this is no exception.

Her Royal Highness...

2007-05-25T08:05:00.000-07:00

This morning Drafo came for me. There was an unreadable expression in his face and I stared at him for a long time, as if for the first time not understanding my long time friend.

I like to consider myself a leader. In fact, I like to think that no task is impossible for yours truly. Yeah... I'm smart, I'm strict... people follow me, and most of the time, I tend to... be reserved about my emotions (at least a little). In meetings, back then when I was leader of the rebels, I was extremely tough. That's the sort of person I am.. I am completely *me*when I feel safe and when I'm in a comfortable environment.

Okay... YOU DON'T CARE about this, DO YOU?

Honestly, ask yourselves, why the fuck would you care what I write about?

My feelings... my life... HA hA do you REALLY care? Pfft, you must be bored if you do...

But you MIGHT AS WELL START CARING...

For various reasons:
- I'm a fucking living legend in Fantasia, I've made history
- I'm probably the most revolutionary being you'll ever meet
- I'm Ashley Vasser, for God's sake... you say my name in Fantasia and people ADMIRE it

However.... ABOVE ALL THOSE REASONS...

I'M GOING TO BE CROWNED QUEEN OF IMBROSS. I'm THE QUEEN! QUEEN!! ME! ME! HA HA HA!

......................

Okay.

I breathed.

Thing is this. When my parents 'died' in the great War... I couldn't be declared Queen because, DUH, there was no KINGDOM to start with. But NOW, my father, considering my excellent development, has decided to hand DOWN THE CROWN. You better BOW to HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, ME.

The coronation will be soon, but I don't think it'll ever be soon enough.

BUT OH MY GOD.

QUEEn

QUEEN ASHLEY.

If you think i'm excited writing this, you should see my face.

Old Love/New Love

2007-05-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

They say you never forget the first person you fall in love with.... and I completely agree.

I'm not too fond of talking about these topics, but I might as well... just to clear myself out. I guess. You see... I hadn't given this much thought, but remembering all those images that crossed my head, I suddenly traveled to my past. Damn. I became nostalgic.

Old Love. Pure love............... eternal love?
Is he still the same, or has he changed as much as I have? Can you believe just how much I adored him? Just how much I would've given to be next to him forever! Truly, I would've done anything for him. And we were really happy. We were. We teased each other, we were together, we were stable, we knew most things about the other, we laughed, we cared. But are things the same? We're not the children we were before. In fact, we're not children anymore.

New Love. Life-changing love.......... real love?
Ever since I was in the human world, I didn't feel at home, I felt completely alone. I had lost everything, even though I was the source of stableness for other people, I wanted someone who would protect me in return. And he's there... always. He's never failed me. We get along just right; he's patient and possesive and would go out of his way, just for me. But he's mortal... he's human... is it really meant to be?

Just a thought, or many thoughts....

Black Hole

2007-05-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

Gradually... I've started to remember what happened to me. Why I suddenly broke down... Have you ever repressed a memory for a very long time, holding it close, never wanting to let anyone know? It's your darkest secret, your moment of purest weakness... the bleeding second of endless tragedy: too much pain, too much... and not being able to do anything about it.

I promised myself I'd never talk of anything related to that. In fact, no one knows, I never planned on revealing it. I never planned it would consume me from the inside either. Such a secret, such memories devour me, they don't give me peace sometimes, and though I soothe them, I've witnessed, they can't be stopped, they'll come back, over and over in an endless cycle until I let them go, until I come face to face with the things I've done. But the things I've done are not the kind of events that could be washed away... they're the type of shadows that seem to walk down a condemned path along you. They weep with you, they care for you, they never leave you... until that very last breath.

Dead.

I thought to myself... that day... 'I want to die'.

... 'I can't take it anymore, I want to die'.

There was blood everywhere; corpses all around, a massacre, blood drenched floor. The ground was humid with remains and flesh; people I had been sharing with, children I had been playing with, innocent dreams... shattered, turned into cadavers.

And I was there, my own blood filled tears streaming down to join its sisters in substance. I couldn't do anything... I failed... I couldn't protect anyone I was supposed to protect. Alone, surrounded by complete destruction, alone without my parents, without my home... without him.

Those few moments in which I collapsed and stared at the utter disaster I didn't feel my body. I think it had been ripped aparts, I wasn't even complete; my own nature prevented my death. I remember losing consciousness and then thanking God for being merciful, he had spared me any more suffering. Months after, I had woken up... Drafo had saved me, but I was nothing short to suicidal. I didn't leave my room; it seemed as though I had lost any other purpose to keep on. The darkness was consuming me, but much as I tried, I couldn't kill myself, I thought about it, but I didn't want to deep inside. I was still alive, that 'spark' of what I used to be, buried deep. I was no longer innocent, no longer willing to believe. I wanted THEM to suffer, THEM to know what it felt to be tortured, consumed alive by the knowledge of haven't been good enough.

Vengeance... that became my real first purpose when I started recovering from the trauma. Only after I pictured myself with all kinds of power, did I react. That's one I started leading the missions, and guiding people and, step, by little step... I became someone stronger.

However, Ouuns never forget, *I* never forgot.

The first time I went over there, he and I were still children... well, we were teens, and he had taken me there because I was annoying enough. I loved it, such a beautiful place, the center of knowledge and reflex; a marvelous mix of evolution and omnipotence.

The last time I went, I had just lost everything. He tended to me, made me feel safe, encouraged me to go onward. I never told him, but just him being there, that place being his real home, gave me reason enough to want to protect as if it had been MY home.

And I tried to do just that... But I wasn't powerful enough. As I said... I was still a 'child'. I never thought such cruelty could happen with me fighting it. However, long ago, that day, I learned, no enemy is to be underestimated... there's always a way... to win, but there's always a wise to lose, it's a matter then of how bad you lose.

We...

We lost everything.

-------

I remember those last moments of the coma now. What was going through my mind... I became desperate. When I lost, it felt as if I were trapped in a little cage. As if someone had locked me away, and there were no windows, doors or keys to get out. It's the feeling one gets, similar to when one is drowning, you try and try and try, until finally you die. I was banging frantically against the wall, searching for someone to let me out, to give me another chance.

He held me... he soothed me...

But does he remember what we were before? Does he remember what we gave, that we were once everything to the other? Can he see what I see and remember...

That the reason I know about it all....

Is because I was there.

Commercial Issues

2007-05-22T09:11:00.001-07:00

Hi.

Well... apparently I was sick for a week or so... but I don't remember anything. Leo says it had something to do with intentional memory repression and consequently the reversal. Umm... I don't know, and I really didn't get the explanation. Fact is, it feels as if I had just been sleeping for this last week and now I'm back to reality.

Things are very interesting.... to say the least.

Apparently, Christian and Caterina are dating. Well, that was very surprising... last thing I remember was her saying she wanted nothing to do with him. Ha. I think it's good they're dating. I do. I mean, Christian is very gentle, warm and he's completely infatuated with her. He's a good guy and she deserves a good guy.

Ivan had been gone in a business trip and arrived today, early in the morning. Apparently I was supposed to KNOW he was gone, because he told me, but then that was while I was sick so I don't remember. Well, he was bordering in hysterics. He told me he had called me a thousand times, which I checked and it was true (damn, I was really off, wasn't I??). He was really worried about me. When he found out I had been in a coma and Eric hadn't called to tell him, he knocked Eric out. I mean, he literally punched Eric. THAT was so FUNNy... I know. I shouldn't laugh, but he WAS really worried. His birthday was the 18th, so I told him we should celebrate it tonight. I need to get him a present too... something he would like... I'll think about it. I've NEVER bought human gifts, usually they have something to do with magic... I promised myself I would TRY not to make it a magical gift, but if it's too boring, I'll just go to Fantasia and get him something there. I'll prepare him something very nice... maybe a private belly dance session?

Other than that.... I have a lot of things to write about. It'll take some effort placing them here, but I'll make an effort, I'll really really try, because I think it's important I reveal two or three very enthralling things from my past. It deals with a long-gone star, a world of greed and betrayal, and a person who changed quite a lot in my life... but that maybe later.

Alter -

2007-05-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

I thought about writing this. Part of me didn't want to. In my world, going 'alter' is something common. Going 'alter' means that an Ouun acquires so much dark energy its power increase almost in a 150 %. It's quite common in my world. When it happens, I become much more powerful, my eyes turn a wild red color and a rush of adrenaline runs through all of my body. All my dark energy channels open up and receive twice what they normally do. I become something superior. In Imbross, it's admirable to go 'alter'. It makes you almost invincible.

In the human world, the experience is not fun. It's not fun at all.

Dark energy comes from everywhere: sadness, anger, fury, hate, even within love you find dark energy. When someone cries, when someone fights, in the shadows, in the middle of night... there is always darkness. We Ouuns feed from it discreetly, sometimes humans don't even realize we're sucking them.... but we are.

I'll save the reason why it happened, but the fact was that it did happen.

You see... in the human world, going 'alter' is turning into a monster. In Imbross, due to the normal amounts of darkness in the air, everything becomes balanced. In the human world, without the protection of magic, going 'alter' throws everything off balance. It turns one mad, to the point where more and more dark energy is needed and one seeks for it.

Last night, I was walking through the streets when I felt myself starting to change. I couldn't control it. My one choice was to run until I reached home, if I teleported there was a probabilty I'd go alter even at a faster rate.

I didn't make it.

The one thing I remember is feeling incredibly powerful and happy, stopping in the middle of the street.

I think it was Eric who stopped me. His whole body was covered in blood and scars. He was hurt, but somehow he had managed to reverse my alter state. I asked him desperately what else had happened, but he couldn't talk to me. There was fear in his eyes, real, deep down fear. When I looked around me, I realized the whole apple had been destroyed, but not only that. About 5 police men, probably the poor souls who had come to 'stop' me, were dead around. I never minded killing anyone, but this time, the fact that I had done it so coldly (I remember their shouts, and how they empowered me) made me sick.

I made my decision. I'm going to move to Fantasia. I will not allow this to happen again. Losing control of my powers will never happen again.

Fucking humans. Fucking human world.

Demons don't Talk

2007-05-13T00:03:00.000-07:00

It's cold.

I'm tired. This isn't even fun anymore.

Something is seriously screwed up with me. I feel it coming, it's war.

I hate it. My feelings are eating me up inside

- Maybe I'll delete this whole blog - ?

No one cares anyways.

Silently Staring

2007-05-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

I like to consider myself a very private person. Someone that's reserved about the really important stuff, although I'm generally very social. Okay. I like to be the leader, the one who people look up to and who ends up making a difference with in the surroundings.

He's next to me right now. He's speaking on the phone. For a person that's rather quiet and patient, he sure talks loudly into the phone. I like it when he smiles and when he laughs, specially when it's that 'hearty' type of laugh. From time to time I interrupt his conversation to tease him and he stops talking and gives me one of those heart-melting smiles of his, there's a twinkle in his eyes. As I'm typing, I have his strong voice as my background, and I feel so safe, in such good company that there's a certain relief within me. We had seafood tonight, because he knows I like it and he prepared it for the two of us. Now, we're in 'our' (cause it's really his) bedroom. I can't help it, even as I speak. I want to kiss him, jump on him, make him want to thrust deep inside me (Such a naughty girl me), which I know he's more than willingly to do. He has such beautiful lips, full and warm, they make my knees weak. And he's sitting right next to the bed. I can see him from the corner of my eye. He speaks on the phone, yet he looks at me writing, then looks at the bed, and I know what he thinks of because he discreetly licks his lips. He knows I'm smiling and he knows what I want.

Okay, so I'm seriously considering moving in with him, more than ever right now. Oh oh... He just hung up, and he's coming towards me with that smirk...

BYE

What I've done

2007-05-11T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'm absolutely in love with Linkin' Park's new song "What I've Done". I can identify myself with it completely. However, there's not much more I want to talk about in that specific sense.

Have I ever taken my time to describe people that... surround me? I don't think so. Let me give you a little brief 411 (it's worth it). These are the most important people, k? (doesn't mean I care for them, just in case) This isn't about siblings or family, this is about OTHER people I've rarely mentioned:

- Richard Wilbatten-Windor: Prince of England and Eric's best friend. He's REALLY nice, I mean, the man is a complete gentleman. He's nice, but he's cold, you know, he's english... is there more to say? When you need his aid he won't doubt it twice before lending that helping hand.

- Michelangelo Stocker: Gay. OH! And he's a talented musician.

- Christian Percy: I actually don't know much about him, except he likes Caterina, has a girlfriend, they broke up and...? I heard he's pretty cool too. He's english too.

- Caterina Stocker: She's.... very cool. She's a tad bit complicated (sorry Caterina), but she's a person I know has a lot of potential and who I hope to see very happy in the near future. See? I can be so nice sometimes!

- Veronique Reinard: She's Eric's girlfriend........ Vero is.... um... she's not exactly NICE, I mean, she's english too, and fights a lot, but deep down she's a very good person who you can count on too.

That's like part one. I'm tired of writing about other people. Besides, I don't know who else to mention right now.

On another note, there's a very very high possibility that I might be moving in with Ivan. I mean, he asked me to, and I'm really looking forward to it. I just... whao. This is a big step, I don't think I've ever had a relationship that goes to this step: moving in! I can't help but feel slightly nervous, and hey, excited. Do you imagine? Thing is, I'm so happy about it. Let's see how things turn out with time, right?

University Slave

2007-05-10T15:16:00.000-07:00

I'm at the university. Tired. Pissed. A lot of things have been happening lately. Since I've been in Fantasia I haven't had time to write or check anything out, so I'm updating right now and trying to catch up for these last days. So.... this semester seems like it's going to be hell hard, with tons of work and very tough teachers. It's not something I can't handle, but I know it'll take a lot of effort and overall, constant dedication. I just realized I'm half way in my career and once I get out, I'll probably have a very high position in the POMIF (or that's what I hope). Thing is, I'm still looking forward to these different experiences.

It seems like everyone's stressed. I was talking with Carol, who has Zachary now to take care of. He's a beautiful baby boy. Lucky little bastard has Carol's deep blue eyes and Leo's brown hair. I can tell he's going to be just like his dad... don't ask me why, I can tell. The baby is very active. It seems he doesn't like sleeping, specially at nights. Leo's been a WONDERFUL father. Since he didn't sleep in med school, he's trained to be awake at the second. I can't say the same about Carol... she doesn't seem to be able to wake up, or so she tells me. She's fallen in love with Leo all over because of this extraordinary talent of his. I told her, "It's not a talent, it's called STUDYING MEDICINE." Anyways, they've been both occupied. Carol is on maternity leave, but she still works at home and sends stuff to the office. I think she's one of the smartest lawyers I've ever met... I wouldn't want to be against her, though, she's merciless, LOL. That's why she's the main lawyer in Delton Industries after all.

Lucy is happy too. (She's always happy, jeez.) John and her have officially commenced the proyect "Baby search". I never call her, but Carol (my informant) tells me you can't even call their house, they'll never pick up. Lucy... PREGNANT? Poor baby.

Eric's article was published. He's happy, he's the president, he's in his best moments.

I, Ashley Vasser, have also been busy, as I've said.

I think about life. Sometimes you don't get what you want, but the thing is you continue going on, never giving up. Truth be told, I think I have the right to say certain shit, and people can't answer 'she doesn't understand', cause, believe me... I DO. I've been through a LOT of crap, and I think I can deal with much about everything. My best advice, is to continue being yourself and to fight on. Okay, erase that, let's talk in a more 'me to you' language:

It's very easy to give up, very easy to retire and say you're worthless, very easy to go into a corner and cry your heart out. It's easy, indeed, but it gets you nowhere. You're better off dead if you're just going to take space from other human beings. Pull your act together, make yourself worth it, make your existence something worth remembering. However, do it with class, do it with Style... don't regret your actions. I've done plenty of mistakes and I've screwed up in more than one occassion, but my one way out has been to keep on going. When my world was fucked up the one thing that kept me going was the conviction to make things right. It takes a lot of self-assurance, a lot of dignity to keep on.

Damn. I have classes now... and I still wasn't done writing about my theories.

In another fast note: My mom and Ivan's mom were drinking TEA together. EH... WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? JEez, now they're best friends and shit. Oh my, oh my... I AM IN TROUBLE.

Encryptions

2007-05-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'm just trying this out, it's funny

9 E(15)LA 9L1G FK38(15)

hahahaha! I'll give a prize to the bored devil who actually figures that out.

- This post will be available only for 3 days -

** Ashes **

Funny... Very Funny Indeed

2007-05-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

This entry actually isn't funny at all, but I thought the title would only be fair, taking into consideration how serious the situation is. Right now, I'm at a cozy place called 'stability'. I got a 'job' (Directing Portals regulations) at the Portal Managing Institution of Fantasia (POMIF). The pay's good and I specially like the fact that I get a phone that allows me instant communication between both worlds. I basically direct missions and people; I'm bossy, so it's good for me. Continuing with the above said... yes, I'm stable. Things are looking good, everything's in order, there's a certain amount of peace, I'm doing what I like to do and most importantly I'm happy. I know it sounds ridiculous, I know it's hard to believe sometimes that the notion of 'happiness' exists, but I'm indeed filled by it. I feel at peace with myself and with the world. Thing is... well, I won't indulge anymore in these words. However, I'm grasping something I never had before and although the feeling is new and somewhat different, I've never before found such comfort. Maybe it's what I think it is, maybe it has nothing to do, but I'm pretty sure.

On the funny note... I was speaking to my brother today, Eric. As I've said previously, he's one of the most easy going people in the whole world. It's easy to talk with him and most of all, it's easy to get along with him. He's just gotten the Delton Industries company and he's handling himself wonderfully. (Ah! I'll hate him for it, but he removed his earring! You know how bad that sucks? At least he left his long hair intact!) Anyways, he's going to be in People's magazine next edition. He's always been popular, but now he's rocketing the media. They say he's one of the youngest 'empreseurs' (successful ones) of all times, so he's really in everyone's mouth. In fact, his face is going to be everywhere over the next few weeks with some mayor sells he just did in Japan. Point is, he was in my apartment today and he was staring at my wallpaper, begging me to let him publish it all around (we tease each other constantly) when he saw my blog. He suddenly said he wanted to have one too.

"It would be great!" he smirked at me.

It would be disastrous. I thought.

However, he got a call from the office and the idea vanished entirely. Truth is, I don't think he has the time. With all the things he's got going, he won't have the dedication to write in a blog. I'm glad because of that, though, I'm not one of those who's looking forward to reading anything Eric might write. He's a verbal person, not a writing one. Eric Delton will conquer you with a smile, not a sentence, although I will give it to you, he's an avid reader, though he might not look it.

Anyways, I'm glad he desisted from that idea. Personally, I think: if you want to know about Eric email him or join his fanclub, jeez.

See? Not funny. haha

Me! Me! And more me! Wallpaper

2007-05-07T20:10:00.001-07:00

This is my wallpaper! ^^ Thank you, Nicky!! I look incredible: sexy and saucy, an extraordinary combination. Thank you kindly ;)

Entirely Crazy and PROUD about it

2007-05-06T20:45:00.001-07:00

So… yes… I was bored, so I did what any normal bored person would do, I went crazy. Literally crazy…

I looked outside and realized the night was beautiful, and went out. I called some friends out of the blue, and went all over NY.

I partied SO MUCH. HA! I loved it xD

BORED… SO AMAZINGLY AND HORRIBLY BORED

2007-05-06T15:37:00.001-07:00

I’ve done EVERYTHING I normally do: practice spells, visit places here and there, take a break, even talk to my father and I’m still HORRIBLE Bored. The phone hasn’t rung ONCE, my dad took off on today’s plans without me because I slept until late, and even my mother has her own work. In fact, she was kind enough as to assign me some of her royal duties so that I could experience firsthand what she did on a daily basis. As you can imagine, I didn’t do shit, the pile of work is still next to me and I’m trying to find something more entertaining than stare at the ceiling. If there’s something more boring than BOREDOM itself is working on things you could care less about. So… THANK YOU, but NO.

The only thing I’m looking forward to right now is….. Is…. OH RIGHT, I have NOTHING TO DO.

Yeah… I’m in a terrible mood, I could just walk through some of the streets and kill some random people here and there. It’s NY… no ONE CARES. (DUH)

I just spoke to Ivan. He’s working. He can’t talk right now, he says he’ll call me as soon as he can. Lovely. That DOESN’T HELP MY BOREDOM. Damn… couldn’t the stock brokers pick another day to give him MORE WORK! >.<>

I’m going to kill him, now I’m REALLY PISSED. AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

See? I was BORED.

*95 questions if you're BORED*
So, what's your name?:	Ashley
Age?:	419
Race/ethnicity?:	Ouun
Thinking right now?:	.... about how bored I am
Well if it's nothing, should we begin?:	Sure...
On relationships...
Anyway...crush?:	...
Got one?:	Yeah
Are you going to tell me their name?:	Why would I?
Are you single?:	No
Are you taken?:	.... answered above
Why are you single if you are?:	I'm not
If you're taken, who's the lucky guy/girl?:	He knows
Do you think they're lucky to have you?:	Pfft. Of course they are
How long have you liked said person?:	A while
Are you glad this section is over?:	Actually... I don't care
Yes?:	Yeah...
No?:	Same to me...
On favourites...
What's your favourite song(s)?:	"Freak on a Leash" KoRn
Movie?:	The Others
Game?:	I don't play
Website?:	ashesdawn.blogspot.com (duh! xD)
Food?:	Seafood & Chocolate (tons of it please)
Survey?:	Eh?
Survey maker? points at self:	Eh... No
Hair color?:	Brown
CD album?:	Minutes to Midnight by Linkin' Park
Band?:	Linkin' Park
Artist?:	not in the mood to answer right now
Program of choice (as in computer program)?:	iTunes...?
This or that...
Windows or Mac?:	Windows
Death or life?:	Life, I rather deliver death, savvy?
Cheese or porridge?:	Cheese
Britney or Christina...or neither?:	Neither
Lord of the Rings or Harry potter (ONE CHOICE ONLY):	Lord of the Rings
Legolas or Aragorn?:	Aragorn
Arwen or Eowyn?:	who???
Fantasy or Reality?:	Fantasy
Religion or atheism?:	...
Would you wanna die of...
murder or old age:	Old Age
drive by or starvation?:	................
In your sleep or in a tar pit?:	Sleep? Eh... I don't know
What if...
If you could go back in time and change anything, what would you do?:	I'd kill the traitors before their betrayal
The sky was yellow?:	Who would care?
If you could take up any language what would you learn?:	I know what I want to know
you were a movie? What would you be?:	The Others
Lovey dovey stuff..
Are you of age?:	I think so... yeah. sarcasm
Did you read the rating?:	What rating?
How many years till your legal?:	I've been legal for a while
Favourite fantasy?:	That's for special people to find out
Do you dream of your crush?:	...
Have you had sex yet?:	Plenty
Did you type Virgin if you haven't? Type it now if you are.:	points upward
Do you lie about your age to people?:	YEah... I kinda HAVE to
How many partners have you had?:	A few
Been to third base yet?:	Homerun with me, thank you
All the way?:	A few times
With who?:	Eh... keep to the questions
Are you going to tell me?:	No
Tired of this yet?:	Pretty much
First thing you think of...
Mauve:	Amethyst
gay:	Michel
legolas:	who cares?
cheese:	good
Alyssa:	?
Johnny:	Cash xD
Justin:	Timberlake
Josh:	....
Orlando:	Florida
Shane:	Who?
Finish the sentence
If it ain't broke:	Break it
The grass is greener:	On my side
What's love:	A fool's game
You are what you:	Are
Battle of the bands (in no particular pairing)
Muse or Modest mouse?:	WHO?
The cure or Blink 182?:	Blink 182
Pink Floyd or Guns and Roses?:	Guns and Roses
Avril Lavigne or Hilary Duff (yes you have to choose ONE haha):	Avril Lavigne
Alexisonfire or Linkin park?:	Linkin park
Franz Ferdinand or staind?:	.... don't know
Slipknot or rancid?:	Slipknot
Afi or Three days grace?:	AFI
Sugarcult or Hoobastank?:	Hoobastank
Dashboard confessional or Story of the year?:	Dashboard Confessional
Nsync or Backstreet boys?:	EWWw.
I'm done...happy?:	pretty much, yeah
Are you sure? BYE!:	YES
Take this survey Find more surveys MySpace Surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Now I’m even MORE bored… okay. I’ll go get a bath, maybe I’m lucky enough and I’ll drown. BYE!

Es Muss Sein

2007-05-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

It must be.

It must be. Things as they are right now, the must be. That I should fight for my own purpose, for my own survival, for the well being of my people and for the future of Imbross, must be. That I should go on no matter what happens, making my way through my existence and the existence of other... it must be. That hate should touch me and love should whisper into me, it must be. That I am who I am, that I am Princess of Imbross, controller of the darkest powers and master of shadows, it must be. Es Muss Sein... we are who we are, who we make ourselves meant to be. That we've met determined people in our lives, that we've done determined chores, that we've developed certain ways of being, that we have taken a determined course of action, it must be. Regardless of the things we make, of the things we would like to build, what is right now, is meant to be. Our own 'weight' makes us repeat a number of things eternally without we even noticing. Our 'lightness' delivers us into the commodity of routine. However, we are what we are: Es muss sein.

Si bien es cierto que mi deseo sería cambiar algunos de los errores del futuro, si bien es cierto que me gustaría construir sin tener los ojos blindados, si bien es cierto que me esperan retos y consecuencias que no me imagino: es muss sein. No le temo al cambio, no le temo al olvido ni a la soledad, sólo le temo al hecho de quedarme atrás, de volverme nada, de no haber hecho lo que mi alma está destinado a hacer; temer a la muerte cuando ella viene inadvertida y me toma de sorpresa, sin estar lista, sin haber hecho todo lo planeado. Soy lo que soy, lo que debo ser y lo que una vez fui; soy un conjunto de cosas, pero Soy, y es todo lo que importa. Que me amen, que me necesiten que me odien, que me envidien, todo se desarrolla porque existo, pues si no lo hiciera las cosas serían distintas. Por ello, Es muss sein.

Aujourd’hui est le premier jour du reste de toute ta vie, parce que aujourd’hui nous déterminerons qui est la base de notre existence. Pour ça il est le premier moment de respirer, de penser sur le futur et pour changer un silence qui lentement nos couvre. Je suis qui je pense que je suis ; je existe parce qu’il est destiné qu’Ashley Vasser réalisé des combinassions de actions que peuvent ouvrir une nouveau porte. Je répète : es muss sein. Il est tout planifié.

That's why it must be, regardless the reason. It's destined to be as it is, and we do well in accepting it and accepting to work upon it.

Dreams

2007-05-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a very strange dream. It involved many issues, many things...

It started with a younger version of me. I must've been about 8 years old (looked like a human 8 year old), and I was in a swing: alone. You could hear its mild 'creaks' as I swung forward and backward. As I looked up, the skies were a dreary blue color, dark, just like they get minutes before the rain starts. I was dressed very prettily, as my mother used to dress me when I was very young. I had a dress and even a bow (YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME WITH A BOW). I heard my mother calling for me and ran to her. As I did something seemed to fall from my pocket, but I ignored it and kept running towards her voice. I met with my father and mother: each offered me a hand and I took them, walking in the middle of both. Suddenly, my dad kissed me in the forehead; we had arrived to what appeared to be a cliff. Where his lips had been, I was suddenly bleeding, instead of shouting, my eyes widened. When I looked up no one was around me. The wind seemed to push me towards the cliff and next thing I knew, I was wrapped in icy water. It felt just like millions of needles piercing my skin.

Then I woke up, I was no longer a child, I was my current age. I felt very warm now, against a GIANT, I mean BIG bed. I was naked, but covered with a cozy blanket. My hair still wet and again, I was alone. I can see the dream so very clearly. The room was entirely white and there was nothing around me: it was me, the bed and the blanket. Excellent combination, but there was no door, there was nothing else, and it felt heavenly, as if I were waiting for someone in that chamber. I heard a noise, like an echo.

Next thing I knew I was all dressed in black, again in an empty house, but this time it was a mansion. It was filled with spirits, silently walking next to me. I wondered briefly if I was in a funeral. I walked through it, going up stairs, into narrow passages, until I reached a hall. It was full of pictures: they were memories.

The last part of the dream, was the strangest of all. I was alone (again), with a grand piano before me. I was playing "moonlight sonata". However, this time I had a crimson dress on, black wings were coming out of my back and gently resting against the floor. It was a very strange picture. I saw myself like that, then I WAS playing the piano. Finally a hand tapped me on the shoulder, I gasped and woke up.

I hate dreams, I don't interpret them, I don't know what they mean, I Don't CARE. I usually don't anyways, but this was A VERY weird dream. When I woke up I was at my apartment, there was no one around me and the night was pretty quiet. I've been thinking about the dream very often. The only person I've actually shared it with was Ivan. He blinked, then said that the dream probably involved all of the stages of my life in someway or another. Although it COULD be, *I* don't think it's that. Whatever it is, I just wanted to share it, to see if someone has a different opinion about it or something.

Friendship

2007-05-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

hehe. Being scared, letting go, returning... a lot of things about 'living' are tough. I would say... it's a matter of perspective. I've always said it and will continue with my policy until the day I pass on from this world: I have no regrets and I'm happy about it.

To die, to kill
To love, to hate
To be, to become
To remember, to forget
To show, to know
To deliver, to receive
To deny, to accept

Life is all about contradictions. We often find ourselves in one of the edges, rarely in the middle point, where all is balanced. That's why it's always good to have someone by your side: they might just be in the opposite edge and you might end complimenting each other. And if you HAVE encountered yourself in such a situation, I must congratulate you, for it is indeed peculiar to find oneself with a completing piece.

Today is Christian's birthday. I've never mentioned him before because I don't know him, at least not personally. Caterina is the one who mentions him always, so I'll acknowledge his birthday in this blog. There. Birthday acknowledged.

Now.

As I was saying... It is very hard to find someone who will just be there when you need a helping hand. I'm not a trusting person, so I consider very few people 'friends'. Please... in the end, and with all due honesty, all you have is yourself. However... my point of view has changed slightly: I know think friends are necessary. Because I have them NOW, I realize just how much I lacked them before. True. Drafo and I have been together ever since we were born, but he's not even my friend, he's more like my brother, an extension of me, and not even he could save me from those days of darkness (but I've explained just who can save you under those circumstances).

A world without friendship SUCKS. Yes, no need in refining it, or trying to build a philosophical conception around it: NO FRIENDS... SUCKS... and BIGTIME. It's taken me some time, but I've slowly opened up to people. Now, more than ever, that I've endured those hard moments that make you stronger. It doesn't matter if sometimes they hurt you, part of being within a group is, sadly, getting hurt, and hey... you'll bound up hurting someone to. Stick up for them. I couldn't imagine myself without a great many of the friends I have now. They... make me happy.

Friendship is necessary, if not essential. But then again, maybe I'm getting soft with the years. I know I wouldn't have thought this way 50 years ago, but it's part of growing up too.

So... this blog is for my friends... they know who they are, they know what they've done, but these words are for you:

Thank you. Not only because you were there, but because you weren't afraid to be there. Thanks for pushing me forward, even if it was mighty tempting to stay put. Thank you for showing me the meaning of pain, value, strength, courage, will, cruelty, love... Thanks for staying by me. I am who I am, because of me, true, but I am better because I've learned from you. I feel happy because I'm no longer facing challenges alone. So thanks... for sharing, for giving me part of yourself...

AND if you ever COMMENT any of the things I've said, I'll kill you: I'll hunt you down, shred you into little pieces and burn you. You'll have to sleep with the windows shot, and even that way, I'll find you, I'll appear through your shadows and make you suffer.

So... ^^ just read this, appreciate the feelings I have for each and every one of you, take it in, and trust me, it's true... JUST DON'T SAY IT OUT LOUD. Thank you

Loneliness?

2007-05-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not prone to reading what humans call 'manga', but out of the requests of my friend, I decided to venture into the pages of one. For those who don't know, 'mangas' are Japanese comics, and that's the most explanations I'm going to do about them. However, as always, I'm induced to trying out new things, so I read this particular manga. It was a little book, couldn't be more than 200 pages, and yet I was mesmerized.

At first, I was very skeptic, passing the pages as fast as I could in hopes of finishing it in no time. Suddenly, the story hit me, I was completely immersed in it. I could identify myself with the character I was reading about. Before I knew it, and against my will, red blood tears were descending down my cheeks. I was crying, sobbing then... It broke me... it broke my heart.

I lost everything. I remember standing in the middle of nothingness and looking at my empty hands. Every part of me ached, not because of the physical pain, but because no one was next to me anymore. Real loneliness... real consuming loneliness, slowly ends up consuming you completely. As in the book, I remember becoming 'blank', although my emptiness was different. I tried to build an objective, I created a goal, which I desperately had to reach. Everyone seemed to admire my 'strength', but inside, I was dying, I wanted something to fight for, yet there was just darkness... In the middle of the nights I would wake up and sob, carefully covering myself up so that no one would hear, I didn't want them to think... I was lonely... I had no one. Then came the coldness. You become numb inside... the numbness is so much better than the constant pain. I remember thinking "if I need pain to be happy, I prefer to have neither and lie peacefully in my own darkness". I guess that the mission saved me. Having people admire me, saved me from destruction... however... admiring and praising... isn't love. I felt incomplete... shattered.

That's why I can identify with the character. Sometimes we do crazy things to get people to love us. Sometimes we don't realize just how much we need someone to protect US and make us feel wanted. People fail to see that without another, we slowly decay... we're not worth keeping in this existence. Being alone, having to face the world alone, it's not a challenge, don't say that damn it! Growing alone, facing the end and the problems all alone, gives a feeling of complete desperation.

I kept on going... I don't like giving up... I don't quit. I made it... unfortunately, not all of us do.

So then... you have to deal with these immense amounts of pain. You have to endure endless nights of sorrow. You learn to embrace the darkness deep into yourself, caring only about erasing that pain. But suddenly, you find light. You awaken from the long foresaken dream, to realize, someone has appeared and has been watching you for some time. You meet someone new, someone who eases away the darkness, who teaches you to love every aspect of yourself. You find that everything you've done was to meet that person. You fall in love... you realize you've finally reached the point where things are fine. You find in that person a reason to care, not about the world, but about yourself. That person becomes you, melts within you, gives themselves to you, and its time for you to fight. It's true, we're all selfish when it comes to love, but it's the one guarantee that things are worth appreciating completely. After so much, finding someone... who will accept you... who will love you... it's such a relief... it's like God's telling you from above "Well done, take a break, you deserve this person". It feels as if somone were picking the pieces of your shattered self and placing them back up, but as they do, they heal you.

To lose such a person, after so much... I don't think such pain could be bearable. When you finally reach out and a hand pulls you towards them, having that bastion disappear... going back to being alone?

The tears have dried up. Losing everything again? No one deserves that. No one.

Some Changes

2007-05-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

"M'envoler, sans regret,

pour trouver enfin,

la voie de mon destin,

et essayer de briser mes chaines"

I'm becoming obsessed with the french tongue, yet again. Have I ever mentioned I speak at least 7 human languages and about 200 Imbrossian/my world, dialects? Ouuns, luckily, have very good listening skills, as I'm sure i've mentioned in various occassions. It's a matter of hours or days, for me to learn a brand new language.

Anyways, for those of you who are regular visitors, you'll notice this blog has changed quite a bit. I decided to add some pics of me in the right column, as you can see. Other than that I changed colors a bit. Change is always good when you're prepared for it or you can adapt to it. So... saying that is the whole point of this entry, because I'm honestly not in the mood of writing much, so Ashley Vasser bids you farwell.

Exposed

2007-04-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been plain *WEIRD*.

The big bad party got cancelled, due to 'force mayeur' events, but I, nonetheless decided to take full advantage of my weekend. Ironically, I came back to the human world, since Imbross could now take care of itself fully, right? Fact is... I didn't come alone. My mother, who's always so worried about me, decided to accompany me, to see how I lived in the human world, you know. She was to stay one day with me.

After two hours... I wanted to kill her.

There was a book fair near my apartment and we decided to tag along. It was quite interesting: every type of book imaginable, with little bohemian coffee shops were one could sit and talk. My mother loved it, and I enjoyed it along with her. We went to see a Picasso exposition, which was breathtaking. Although of most human painters, he's not my personal favorite (A very dear friend to me would insist he is). I think human art is inspiring. It makes me wonder just where is the boundary of the human imagination. Where do they get their ideas to put into pictures such drastic emotions? In Picasso's particular case, I will admire the fact that he seems to see the world through a pattern. A guitar no longer forms the shape of a guitar, truly he breaks the molds that Plato would have created centuries ago... No, the guitar becomes the various squares and rectangles that would form it as a whole. It's complicated to express it, for I have it in the tip of my fingers, but can't put it into words. A man that does not see "IT" he sees what the "IT" could be, what makes the "IT"..."IT". Anyways, my favorite human artist is Dali.

Abstract. The world, any world, it doesn't matter where you live, nothing is what it seems. I adore going beyond the shape, it is nothing.

After the book fair (where I must've ran into half the world) we went to have dinner. I wanted to take Mother somewhere special, so we ended up in Mr. Chow's. She loved the place, loved the food, and said she wanted to come live in the human world. I laughed and then smiled at her "Mommy, that's a great joke, never repeat it" Nahhh... it wasn't like that (I didn't say the 'never repeat it' part).

And then, I've spent most of my weekend... at THE BEACH. But I'll continue my story later... duty calls

Protocol

2007-04-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

Well, now that my mom's back, things have changed a hell lot in Imbross. The palace is a lot tidier, the maids and butlers all seem to work in a much organized way, and their seem to be more activities for the palace, from the palace to the kingdom and in the kingdom itself. It's amazing how she's managed to pull everything up so fast and so efficiently. Sometimes, mother amazes me. Even dad seems to be much more serene these days, smiling without a reason to do so or whistling sometimes in the halls. When I'm around, it makes me somewhat nostalgic. It's as if everything had continued from where it left off. It almost feels as if those 100 years that had gone by, never happened; as if I had been sleeping and suddenly I woke up into my life again. Mom knows I feel this way, it's almost as if she can read it in my eyes. I adored her, still do, but sometimes we clash. We're exact opposites. Doing a comparison taking in account our original forms, it would go something like this: her hair is light blonde, mine is a crimson color (hers is longer, waist long); her eyes are gray, mine are golden... after that we're about the same height and physically I don't remember any other difference. As you can see, I'm more like my dad, as to eye color and hair color, but sometimes I think my mom and I are more alike than anyone else. It's like she can read my thoughts sometimes, but I guess that can be motherly intuition sometimes, right?

I mean... I'm nothing like her! She uses more healing and defensive magic than offensive. She's quiet and very reserved. Her life is about following the rules, mine is all about breaking them and making new ones! She's very traditional, I'm revolutionary. She can sing, dance, play instruments... COOK! She hates getting dirty or getting involved in dangerous situations. I can sing, sure, even dance, but NEVER cook, I love getting into trouble, and danger is my middle name (yeah, I'm copying James Bond, SUE me). Taking all this into account, how is it that sometimes we look at each other and we know just how the other feels? How come she says the soothing words I need to hear in any given moment? Now that she's back I realized just how much I had missed her, and she knows this because she smiles at me just as if she knew.

Well, point is... I'm glad she's back. She was very surprised when I updated her on everything she's missed. She couldn't believe *I* was living in the human world and less alone "dallying" with humans. But then she just laughed and said that just proved I had 'matured' enough to understand others as well as myself. She never told me about the things she did when she was younger, before she got married to Dad, but I think there's a lot more to her than she lets others know. hehe. I guess we ARe very alike after all.

As for me, I haven't being doing much. I'm trying to take things easily, slowly, step by step. Right now, alone, in Imbross, with Drafo working with Caterina's dragon, and my parents doing God knows what, and everyone else busy, I seem to find peace. I'm currently writing this in the gardens, where you can listen to the sound of the water rushing through the trees. I guess you could say I'm lonely, but I've realized that's not so bad anymore. I seem to be in great company with myself, since i've never let myself down. I know... this might not make much sense, but I feel like if there's so much I've done, that now, I can relax, I can flow a bit without any trouble. My mom was talking to me about marriage, telling me how she married at 350 and that i'm already late at 419, but I tell her I'm fine. Me... MARRIED? That's funny, but who knows... there are some prospects around...

Reversing the Circle of the Immortal

2007-04-22T19:35:00.001-07:00

I'm doing it... I'm reversing the Circle... This is written in a third point of view.

Night had arrived and the wind was blowing toughly upon the kingdom of Imbross. The city's lights contrasted wildly with the darkness of the skies. The dance floors were filled with the young and there was much life through the street of the main districts. The skyscrapers laid dormant waiting for the arrival of the suns, while the metallic modern-built buildings shook with the energy of its inhabitants. Imbross was the kingdom of darkness; therefore it was in the night that most people felt comfortable. During the day they slept; when light hid from its opposite, the businesses truly opened and the real action took place.

Ashley walked out of the royal palace, wearing a black cloak around her figure. She was dressed in a similar suit to the one she used when fighting. This time, however, it was dark red completely. Drafo followed her closely from behind. In his mouth he held a medium sized bag. They were both leaving through the back door of the Castle.

"Where are we going?" Drafo managed to whisper through his gritted teeth and the bag.

"To the Comelew crater." She answered seriously as she invoked several shadows to appear before her. They were ordered to distract anyone who'd suspect where they were going.

"That giant crater? What for?"

"The reversing had been tried previously in that area. It failed that time, but… I suspect there should be energy waving around the place. It's decently far from the kingdom, and above that… we're honoring a memory."

They snuck out of the palace ground immediately. Ashley used her powers and silently traveled through the shadows, connecting one with the other so that she was practically imperceptible. Drafo followed her closely and benefited from her agility. They finally arrived to the Oak of Ages after a long walk.

"Should we teleport?" Drafo asked "It's not like I can acquire my true form around here."

Ash closed her eyes. She slid her hands underneath the cloak and from her pocket withdrew a little seed.

"Ashley… is that what I think it is?"

She walked towards the Oak of Ages and inserted the seed within it. "Yes… It's a caircout seed. It will allow us to appear within any other tree we desire."

"And since the Comelew Crater is right next to the COMELEW forest…" Drafo smirked.

"We'll just be a step away. If we teleport we might risk altering the magical balance and someone's bound to find us. However, if we use this… there's no way of tracing it once the Oak absorbs it."

"Brilliant… indeed."

Suddenly the giant Oak's bark began to swell immensely. Then it zapped the swelling within itself leaving a 4 feet hole towards the inside. It looked as if it had a mouth and it was wide open, a cave, offering an ominous invitation to the perverse and the mystery.

They nodded towards each other and went in. Ash had to crawl into it, while for Drafo it was not a problem. The inside of the tree was humid, and sometimes little bugs crawled along the walls around them.

"Aren't you the least scared?" Drafo smirked from behind Ashley.

"As long as I don't see a spider… I'm fine…" she growled. It's not like she liked insects either. The faster she got out of there, the happier she would be. After about 10 minutes, a dim light appeared in the distance. "Oh good! We're almost on the other side."

The moment their hands touched territory outside the tree, and they could stand up, they shook off all the dust from their clothing. The hole behind them slowly patched up again, looking as though nothing had happened.

They found themselves within a giant blanket of green composed of all types of trees and of creatures that lived in them. The environment was very dark and it was wet, like it had been inside the tree. Since it was night, it gave off a menacing vibe, warning all who dared come near it. The trees moved slowly at an equal pace, as if following a mechanical and cynical rhythm implemented by nature itself. Sometimes the wind howled through them and produced a most sinister voice.

Ashley walked to the bag Drafo was holding and took out a large book. It was entirely black, many insignias written all over it. In its front it had a most disturbing eye. Above from this, it seemed to be as old as grandfather time himself, and incrusted in its cover was a stone carved maze. There was a giant lock protecting its content, but ironically there was nowhere to insert the key.

"Book of Shadows…" Ash whispered to it, as she held him with both hands. He was pretty heavy.

The book seemed to come to life. It opened its eye, looked towards the right, then the left, and finally it set itself upon Ashley.

"Show me the way, please."

It closed its eye and immediately a long, sharp, yellow, ray emerged from it directed to a little space between two big trees. Drafo and Ashley looked at each other, and then stepped through the signaled space. In the other side, they found one of the greatest craters they had seen in their lives. It made more sense saying that a meteorite had impacted against the earth instead of thinking this was the product of a spell.

Drafo settled the bag down, then took out of it two pieces of what seemed to be chalk.

Ashley placed the book in the remnants of a fallen tree. She placed her hand upon its surface. It opened again, light gusts of wind emerging from the cover towards Ash's hand as if recognizing its master. Then, a specific page appeared. In this one, there was a very complex design of a circle and hundreds of little writings around it. Drafo and Ash stared at it for long moments.

"Time to begin drawing, Drafo." Ash smiled.

"ONE BIG, GIANT, HELL COMPLICATED CIRCLE COMING RIGHT UP." He said sarcastically. His body was suddenly enveloped with a silvery light. His feet became legs, his paws became hands, and his wings disappeared within a long human self. His eyes turned a pastel caramel and the hair that reached to his shoulders was black as the night that surrounded them. Upon this new body were black jeans and a crimson red shirt filled with different golden symbols across its surface.

"You're taking your human form?" Ash quirked an eyebrow

"It's easier for me to use CHALK in a form that has FINGERS." He started drawing as best he could the wickedly difficult circle. Ashley started opposite to him, working doubly hard. While they kept tracing the hundreds of little symbols and lines, the skies became darker. Giant clouds of black covered the surface above them. Sweat fell from their bodies as they moved, crawled, jumped, walked, and ran elaborating the circle.

When they were finally done, they stared at the product of their effort, eyes wide.

"Are you sure EVERY line is well put?" Drafo asked turning to an analyzing Ashley.

"Yes…" she walked around it again, since it was so big it took her 10 minutes to go around. "It's all in place."

"Ashley! ONE line in the wrong direction could make the whole spell go wrong…"

"I KNOW! IT'S ALL OKAY!" she panted, it was stressing enough going ahead with this whole plan without Drafo's perfection annoying around.

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!" he gulped. His handsome face was invaded by a frown, and his hands were inside his pants as they shook nervously anticipating the following moments.

Ashley placed herself in front of the circle, while Drafo walked a decent distance away from it. She took the Book of Shadows in her hands, and then, slowly, let it down on the floor right before her. It was placed in a strategic position; if you traced a line from it towards the circle, the product of such action would be a straight line right to its center. She turned her head towards Drafo and nodded as a sign that she was about to begin the ceremony. He gulped, but nonetheless returned the gesture. In the worst of cases he was prepared to take his true form.

Finally everything became quiet as if the whole woods knew what was to come. Particles of dust emanated from the book and slid to the floor in the unholy blink of an eye. A slight sound came from within the circle as if it had taken a breath and it was somewhat alive. The earth trembled with the amount of power soon to be released. The trees, ironically, stopped all movement as if they feared for their lives.

Ash raised her arms, and placed them at the level of her shoulders, her palms facing the darkened sky. She looked down to the inscriptions in the book and started reading them, in a language old as eternity, but at the same time understood by all as if the message transcended beyond words directly into the soul "Ancient seal of crimson sorrow, faithful minion of what is no longer, here I am before you as the invoker of the beyond."

The edges of the circle started shining, and as the spell progressed, the light spread to the other parts of the piece, finally lighting it completely.

In thy wisdom awaken from thy slumber, in thy eternal existence share with me thy power.

Within moments an enormous ray of golden light extended from all symbols, lines, and shapes of the circle towards the sky, creating a beam that could've awakened the dead. It broke through the ominous clouds on top of it. Better said, these ones gave way to the greater giant that invaded their territory. An atmospheric phenomenon had begun, as the clouds started revolving around the beam and twirling around its top part with a direction downwards.

Judge me with thy greatness… Chain me merciless; agree to give me what thy desire

The circle seemed to be coming to life, as it slowly started rotating in different directions. The last layer commenced moving to the left, the middle to the right, and the center spun around the axis in its center, slower than the rest parts.

Drafo stared, his eyes wide. The enormous energy expelled such strong winds he was holding himself to the ground with the help of his claws. "It's working…"

Circle… take blood, but accept my sacrifice in return of that which has been lost.

Large whips of darkness emerged from the floor and they adhered themselves to Ashley's body. Her arms, legs and even her neck were wrapped by these strange, snake-like creatures. Their negative energy slid into her body; this was obvious, as the bindings were leaving an impression on her very skin.

The pain was tearing her in two. She had to close her eyes as they seemed to have been sucking her dry. However, Ash kept to the spell, her perseverance intense. "CIRCLE… Accept MY own flesh; consider ME THY master! Circle of the Immortal now UNSEAL, NOW REVERSE!" She pressed her palms together in a low applause, then uniting, in a rapid movement her thumb and index finger. This almost made her faint. Thanks to the bindings around her body, when she moved, she felt a stabbing pain, like a thousand swords through her.

The serpents broke away from her body, drenched with her blood and crashed within the circle. She kneeled as she witnessed the beam turn a dark red color, product of the fusion. The energy was now directed upwards. Pieces of earth were breaking apart and heading towards the skies.

Ash held her body. The circle was now turning stronger and faster, creating such power, it could blow her away in any second. Chains emerged from the beam and they tied themselves around her wrists. She was now a part of the circle, and if it disappeared, so would she, unless the spell was finished appropriately.

It had become completely dark now, save the zaps of lightning that fired from the circle and the beam. The gusts themselves had acquired a black color. Just as sudden, the movement from the circular incantation stopped and a loud sound, like something being locked came from it. Everything was suspended in middle air as if time itself had stopped and as consequence gravity existed no more.

Ashley walked towards the beam. Her eyes lacked light, as if she had been possessed by the spell and they were inseparable. She raised her hand, placing it on its surface. An incredible explosion continued, demolishing the area around without mercy.

"ASHLEY!!" Drafo screamed. As calm as things had been 2 seconds ago, now it seemed to be complete chaos. All blew in different directions, away from the beams. The trees were torn down and noises of destruction invaded the air. Only the pillar of dark red stood, the circle shone, but the rest was being pulverized and torn apart.

Some guards ran hastily towards Oius. He had been pacing up and down his room for a while now. Something had him anxious yet he knew not what.

"Sir!" One the guards blasted the door open.

Oius didn't even scold them for their intrusion, since he knew it might be something important. "What is it?"

"Your highness… look outside the window… we don't know what it is, but it has provoked a magical shock. It's thrown the usual magical currents off their balance."

He walked towards the glass and his eyes widened as he say the giant dark red pillar, the clouds around it, and the zaps of lightning that sometimes escaped from it. "Oh my God… Ashley…" he turned towards the guards "GET ME MY TEN BEST MEN! WE MUST GET GOING AT ONCE!"

Ashley was touching the pillar, the other things around her, blew in all directions. The dark black marks were still upon her body. When she spoke, her voice was low, and it held no emotion, as if her actions were mechanical "Open to me."

A concentration of darkness emerged from the pillar in form of an attack. She tried running away, but the chains held her in place and she took it all. This time, her eyes had become sharp again, and the iciness that had taken temporal possession of her was disappearing. As the energy went into her body, her eyes turned red, and she went alter. The circle under her suddenly became a giant eye and she found herself stepping on it.

"ASHLEY!! It's TOO MUCH! We have to GET OUT OF HERE! Not even YOU can take THAT MUCH AMOUNT OF DARKNESS!"

Her eyes narrowed and she smirked. Another concentration of energy exploded from the pillar and as it entered her, her knees failed her. "Drafo… There is always a way." Another attack came and by this time she was on the floor.

Drafo ran towards the direction of the pillar, but he was blown away. All he could do was stare at the enormous difference in levels.

"Born from Ashes… God's reflection before night… yield to me darkness… allow me to no longer make a monster of myself as I accept you and WITH THESE SAME CHAINS attach you to ME!" The clouds, the masses of darkness united in her person, but this time, she seemed to gain strength. She stood up, an aura of black surrounding her person, but her red eyes were much more serene.

"Sh-She's controlling the darkness…" Drafo gawked

Ashley, in a movement as fast as sound, waved her arm. As she did, a giant scythe appeared before her. Ash grabbed it and in one same attack sliced through the pillar. It screeched as if it had been wounded. Suddenly, millions of dark spirits started moving themselves within it. They all passed before her, like a film strip. After about 5 minutes her eyes widened and she inserted her hand inside the pillar. It felt like jelly within it. Ash grabbed her target and started pulling it out towards her person. The dark marks in her body extended with each movement as if they were curses, and they were devouring her flesh. She kept pulling.

"Break thy contract…" more darkness emerged from everywhere, all going into Ash, as if they intended to prevent her from taking something from within the seal.

"DAMN IT! YOU'RE DYING, ASH!" Drafo screamed "DON'T YOU SEE THE MARKS OF DARKNESS CONSUMING YOU?"

Ash laughed "I can't be consumed… I am the darkness itself. I'm the divine controller of the night…"

Drafo slid to the floor; he couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was Ashley, sure, but dark wings seemed to appear behind her back. They were slightly transparent. Probably, they were just a symbol, but they told him everything. That's the reason why she had learned all the royal techniques of Imbross so fast, when it had taken centuries to other rulers. That's why the book had said only she could probably reverse the circle. That's the reason why her weapon was the scythe. "Ashley is the angel of darkness…"

She continued pulling out of the dark pillar. Even for her, the energy was starting to become overwhelming. The screeching sound got higher and higher. Her body was already depleted and it was only her mind power that kept her going. Suddenly, within her grasp, she was pulling a hand. Tears welled up on her eyes as she realized just how near she was. "GRIM! BREAK YOUR CONTRACT NOW!! SET HER FREE! I'M THE MASTER OF THE CIRCLE, AND I COMMAND YOU TO DO AS I SAY."

Ashley gave one last pull, hoping to have taken what she looked for out in one last attempt. Then her system went out, it was the end of her endurance. For nearly 4 hours she had been working with her full capacity, and no longer could her physical body take it. Under her, the eye of the circle slowly closed. The pillar became bright, and the light expanded consuming all.

------------

The Path to Everlasting

-------------

Oius and his men had arrived to Comelew Crater, but they found themselves in a most unusual situation. A giant barrier of light surrounded an enormous perimeter and this one didn’t allow them through. Even with all their powers, it would not yield.
“Damn it!” Oius yelled “Can someone tell me what the devil is going on!?”
A small round Ouun walked towards him “Sir… it appears there’s a magical shield of such intensity that it can only be broken from the inside.”
“Bloiksaze, I want you to find me a solution to this as soon as possible. You’re one of my most powerful scholars.”
“I’ll work on it, highness.” With that he left.
The king stared at the problem before him. He could bet Ashley was behind this. That girl didn’t know the meaning of prudence. If she had gone ahead and done the spell he could only hope for the best. However, being objective, he was prepared to face his worst fears. He sat down and covered his face. If something happened to his daughter, he didn’t know if he would have the strength to pull himself together.

Ash opened her eyes. She was surrounded entirely by light and she was floating in the middle of it. With a little difficulty, for her body was completely drained, she turned her head, examining the area. Ashley found Drafo, still in his human form, unconscious and floating, nearby. She tried walking towards him, but it was impossible. There was no floor to step on, and she couldn’t float toward him either since there appeared to be no impulse that would drive her body forward. Looking around, she found that everything had disappeared: the book, the circle, the pillar. Right now it all seemed like a nightmare. She was even willing to believe they had died and this was their pathway to heaven.
Wait… Ashley looked towards all directions. Where was her mother? Had she failed? Was everything really over? She squealed as something fell on her feet. Damn it! If there wasn’t any gravity how could something FALL towards her feet? This place was whacked up. She looked down and found the Book of Shadows. When Ash tried to pick it up, though, another horrible fact hit her: something didn’t allow her to move.
“In this place you use your mind….” The Book spoke to her.
“Wherever this is, it should come with an instruction booklet.” Ash groaned. She pictured herself with the book among her hands and suddenly, that’s exactly what had happened. “What is this place?”
“When the body and mind can take no more, the person faints… loses consciousness. Since you were in the middle of a spell, somehow your mind, even after losing control, created this space of annulment. In other words, it’s a reflect action in which your complete magical powers shield further consequences of a spell. However, it’s an imaginary ‘piece of heaven’. Your physical body is probably unconscious under us. That’s the reason why only your mind persists in this place.”
“I think I got it. So, how do I get back into my body?”
The book closed itself “It’s true that I know every answer. That, however, doesn’t mean I’m telling you. Now, goodbye Ashley, in the worst of cases, being locked in this ‘limbo’ doesn’t’ sound that bad.” With that it disappeared.
“Fucking BOOK!” she swore loudly. There had to be a way of getting out of here. She imagined herself in her body, waking up, but that failed too. Next, she pictured herself walking in this ‘nothingness’. Luckily, that worked and she placed herself right on top of Drafo.
“Drafo! Wake up! Come on! I need your help! If the spell DID work and mom’s down there, she needs OUR help!”
After various minutes of shouting and using her ‘mind’, she finally managed to wake him up. He groaned loudly “Five more minutes… I don’t want to go to dragon school……”
“…” Ash’s eyes suddenly widened, then they narrowed as she smirked “I hope you’re okay with the fact that I had to take all my clothes off…”
Drafo suddenly sat up, his whole body cracked in pain. “OW!” he raised his eyes towards hers. She was laughing at him. “That was very funny… thank you.”
Ashley explained their situation. He stared at her with a blank expression.
“Well, I think that’s perfect. Not only were we almost killed by a spell we don’t know really worked, but now we’re trapped in a magical place where only our MIND exists. That’s brilliant.”
She crossed her arms. “Let’s think about a way of getting out.”
“Yes THINK, since it’s THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO.”
“If imagining ourselves in our body won’t work…” Ash closed her eyes pensive.
“How about we will our bodies to us?”
Ashley quirked her eyebrow “Yes… that sounds great. Night of the living Ashleys and Drafos… no thanks.”
“It’s our minds here…”
Ash’s eyes widened.
Drafo turned his head towards her. “You think we could…?”
“Will our BODIES TO MOVE FROM THIS point. Then the shock would be so strong it would pull US back!” she smiled
“Yeah… it DOES sound shocking, my mind, five kilometers away ordering my body to move… Sounds crazy… but we have no other option.”
Ashley closed her eyes. She imagined her body, unconscious on the ground. Since neither of them had seen themselves, they didn’t know how they really looked, but they used their imagination. She thought of the simplest action possible: moving her index finger. With every amount of herself she imagined that little finger slanting slowly back and forth. All of a sudden, an incredible amount of cold air invaded her lungs and she lost consciousness again.
Next thing she knew, it felt as if a thousand pounds had been dropped on her body. She felt completely weakened. When her eyes opened, her pupils focused on a nearby rock. It felt as if nothing would help her recover. The pain was incredible, and against her will, a few small drops of red blood tears descended her face.
You can do it, Ashley… You’ve triumphed over death in various other occasions… but Oh God… this is what I call extreme pain. She looked at her hand, slightly willing it to support her next move. She closed her eyes, absorbing the pain, and taking deep breathes. Ash pulled her whole body up and managed to hold it up in both her hands, kneeling. Now she was coughing blood to the floor. She lowered her head and just as sudden she raised it, her eyes sharp, full of determination. Ash motioned her right leg slightly forward and then with the left, gave the impulse necessary so that her body would stand.
Ashley smiled feeling accomplished. However, her happiness didn’t last long as her legs failed her, and she felt herself falling down to the floor. Her eyes widened as something caught her from behind in midair. She turned around and surprise invaded her features.
What had held her up was the head of a giant black dragon behind her. It was enormous, two, not one, pair of strong wings upon its back. Its fangs and teeth were giant, but it had a regal look to it. It had four legs, which had in their ends incredibly sharp claws, no one would’ve liked messing with. Along with its wings, there were also large, black, rather ominous looking, spikes attached to its back. Its tail was also really long, and there were some knife like spikes in it as well. The neck was rather long, fact that had allowed it to push Ash back into a standing position. Its scales were black too, and they got finer and less thick on its limbs. Finally it had deep-set faceted eyes that were rose-red.
“Don’t go falling down, Ashley…” Its voice was deep, grave, clear, and loud.
“Drafo! But how?”
“My human body hurt too much. It was a jackpot trying to relieve the pain in my true form, but it apparently worked.”
“That’s my dragon.” She smiled at him, her eyes alight with pride.
He bit down on her clothing, and then pulled her to his back.
“CAREFUL THERE!” She squealed. Her clothes were completely torn and ragged; if he wasn’t careful he’d strip her. He silenced her complaints “What?” Ash gasped as she stared at a beautiful woman lying in the floor.
The woman was in the egg position, no clothes upon her body. She was wrapped in her long, waist long golden hair, her eyes closed, as if sleeping. She seemed to be extremely delicate.
“OH MY GOD!” New tears formed within Ash’s eyes “MOTHER!! The spell worked!” She was about to jump towards her, when Drafo stopped her.
“You’re too weak, Ashley. Allow me.”
He opened his mouth slightly and took her into it, then placed her next to Ashley. She immediately hugged her.
“She’s BREATHING!!” she laughed happily. Ash held her mom close to her.
Drafo’s eyes narrowed “Now to break through this power shield.”
“Can you do that?”
He smirked. Without another second’s thought he slammed his head against the barrier of light. Huge amounts of energy slammed everywhere as he crashed through it.

The guards outside the barrier all stood up and prepared their weapons in case of trouble. Oius also stood, a worried frown in upon his face.
When the giant dragon broke through the barrier and this one disappeared, everyone fell to the floor as it jumped on all four legs and slammed into the floor, causing a giant earthquake. Everyone gasped. Oius’ jaw dropped. A mixture of relief and happiness swelled up inside him.
“ASHLEY! DRAFO!” he screamed.
Drafo walked towards him and smiled. Ashley smiled, waving from the top.
“You’re IN DEEP TROUBLE!” Oius yelled now, suddenly remembering why he was there. “You could’ve died! You used the spell even when I told you not to! You could’ve caused complete destruction! I’m PUNISHING YOU FROM HERE TO ETERNITY! You’re never going out again! I’m going to---” he stopped when he saw that Ashley was holding someone in her arms.
Some guards teleported towards Drafo. Their eyes widened as well, when they saw who Ash was holding. They took them into their arms and appeared before Oius. He covered his mouth when he saw the unconscious woman. Another guard had taken his cloak off and placed it over her body.
“Je-Jeannette…” he choked, taking her into his arms and holding her close. He sat back and tightened his warm grip around her. When Ash walked towards them, blood dripping from her body, but smiling, he also pulled her towards him. She was very surprised when she felt his tears. “My beautiful daughter… what you’ve done today…. I don’t know…” he couldn’t continue due to the emotion.

Two full days passed before the queen regained consciousness, but meanwhile everyone was celebrating the princesses’ new actions. The whole of Imbross welcomed the queen, king, and princess back. It was probably one of the happiest days in their history.
When Jeanette did wake up, her gray eyes posed on both Oius and Ashley who had been next to her every minute. “It’s…. nice… to see you…” she smiled brightly.
After that, the celebrations continued, now before the presence of the queen. There were parties every hour and there was not one Imbrossian that wasn’t cheering with genuine joy.
Ash walked through the gardens while her parents ‘caught up’. Drafo caught up with her.
“Now you have the Imbross competitions to win…”
She smiled “Now… the path to Everlasting!”
“Everlasting?” he quirked his eyebrow. “EVERLASTING GLORY!” she yelled contently then ran ahead towards the training grounds. If she wanted to win, she’d have to recover all that lost energy.

Freedom and Vacations

2007-04-21T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today... I awoke truly happy. I realized.... I had NOTHING to do. Do you know what it feels like to open your eyes and say 'What the hell will I do today'? For ME it felt WONDERFUL. No ogres, no three headed lousy teachers telling you you're too arrogant, no directors asking you favors, no EXAMS or HOME WORKS, or duties, or... NOTHING TO DO. I love, opening my agenda and finding there is NOTHING written in it. Ah... that is what life is about. Hey! I deserve it! After 419 bloody years of taking care of my kingdom, then going into the human world and then studying none stop at the university I DESERVE these vacations. Anyways, I do have some things I will do out of my own will, because I WANT to do them. First off, I'm going to try reversing the circle of the Immortal and getting back my mom. It's the first thing I'm going to try, because if I fail I'll be dead and in a better off place, I'm sure. I don't think I'll fail, i've got plenty of confidence in my skills. If I die, I deserve to die, because if after so much training and reading and non stop practicing, I can't pull it off, then damn it, I can assure you, NO one can.

That's the first thing I'll try out.

After that, I have several things I've been wanting to do. I'll stay with my dad for some days: go around the kingdom, say hi, act diplomatic and all princess like, waving around, showing my multiple talents (yeah, I'm very modest), hear my people's praising to their princess(okay, by this point I'm sickening MYSELF) But it's trueee I'm so happy!! ah!!!

I'm also going take advantage of these free days to try a variety of spells inside the Book of Shadows. If I can learn new, neat tricks in these vacations I'll be even HAPPIER. Aside from that... next weekend I'm going to party for three WHOLE days. Fantasia is holding a grand party where only VIP guests have been invited. Since I'm one of them... I hope to DANCE, SHOUT and ROCK for those 72 hours. I think the party hosts are giving us our own apartments and... yes, I'm looking forward to that too.

Finally... I'm currently working on a proyect...

I'm breeding dragons!

Ivan is a bit angry at me because I didn't tell him. Imagine, I love danger, I love things that mean a challenge, but he worries a lot for me ^^; I don't know why, that makes him adorable. Sometimes I love getting him angry in a way that he wants to set me right... ARRRrrr (If he heard me say that xD hahaha). Problem is... sometimes he gets angry and he gets quiet.. I don't like those type of 'angry' moments. Actually, I like it when he laughs and smiles at me. When I think about it, maybe it's a complex. All my life I've been the strong one, the lonely one, to find someone that actually wants to protect you makes me... happy XD If I count how many times I've said 'happy' I'm going to retch... this is so not like me! Do vacations really drive me that mad!?! Okay, so anyways, I don't know how I got into that topic....

AGAIN, I'm breeding dragons for a friend of mine, Caterina.

Now, this is very delicate business. She wants a serpent like one, which would be like a water type, but Caterina is a wind element type of person... SO.. what I did, because I planned it out WAS... I united two dragons, a water and a wind, and the result, as I had expected, was a little serpenty dragon. It's still not born, and it's inside its egg, BUT I already have it in a cauldron, giving it special nutrients so that it can be strong. Caterina told me she wanted it to melt down obstacles, however, I won't be able to make it SPIT fire... However, I managed to make it ignite in blue fire. It's going to be quite cool. Drafo, my guardian dragon, has congratulated me on the proyect so far, but there's still a long way to go. The Dragon won't be able to talk though, just communicate through telepathy with Caterina and Me (its creator HAHA) and it won't turn into a human form, but who knows, maybe he'll mature and manage a child like form one day.

That's all for now,

Ashley Vasser SETS out for HER VACATIONS!

Upcoming events.

2007-04-15T19:57:00.000-07:00

Things I have to do for the following weeks:

1. Pass the extra tests that will allow me entrance for the next term, which are very hard and require every bit of effort.

2. After succesfully (hopefully) passing the tests, go to Richard's birthday and perform. There's going to be a big surprise around THAT. What song I'm performing and how I'm going to be dressed is something secret that only two people know, and I'm pretty much excited about it.

3. Go to Imbross and participate in the Imbross Competitions. A series of games in which the royal family must debut, but must drop out before finishing, for no royal is allowed to WIN it. However, I still have to beat everyone's ass.

4. Organize my 'human' life. If I don't get something to do here, I'll bore myself to death and just return entirely to Imbross. My boyfriend controls earth, so my father ADORES the fact that he can use magic and is so powerful. Lucky me! Well.... I'm figuring a way to stay here for him!! Jeez... listen to me!

And that's about it so far. So much stuff indeed.

Another survey and a lost message

2007-04-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

What is your middle name? I don't have one

If you were a crayon what color would you be? Black

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Ivan... about 10 minutes ago

The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Size and eyes

Most IMPORTANT thing about a partner: Stability, intelligence, trust and I think their must exist a link strong enough to make the existence of the relationship worth it

Favorite types of Food? Sea food and Chocolate

Do you smoke? Rarely

Do you drink? Socially

Do you swear? Ha. Who's the freak who doesn't?

Taken drugs? I'm immune to them, but I've tried some of them.

Height: 5'6

Hair color: Brown

Eye Color: Hazel-clear

Do you wear contacts?: No.

Heritage: 100% Ouun

Single? No

Favorite Month? December

Favorite Fast Food? Pizza

Last Movie you Watched? "Secret Window"

Favorite Day of the Year? November 2nd

Favorite color: Black, blue and silver

Are you too shy to ask someone out? No.

What books are you reading? Tons of magic books, text books.

Piercings? yeah

Tattoos? Yep.

Fav. Tv show? I don't watch human tv

Fav. baseball Team? I don't watch baseball

Fav. American Idol? Kelly Clarkson (it's a guilty pleasure)

Any Pets? A pet dragon and a pet tiger

Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Salted Popcorn

Favorite Flower? Dahlias

What do you do when you wake up in the A.M? Umm... start the day?

Go to bed? Usually at late hours of the night

Do you still talk to your best friends from intermediate school? No.

What's on your desk? I've GOT a LOT of stuff.... computer, books... I've got a bit of everything

Play or Opera? Play

Have you ever fired a gun? Tons of times

Do you like to travel by plane? Not really

Right-handed or Left-handed? Ambidextrous

How many pillows do you sleep with? Usually 2, but I could sleep with 3

Are you missing someone? Yes

Birthday: November 2nd

Do you like thunderstorms? I don't have a problem with them

Ever been skinny dipping? Now that you mention it... No...

How many things do you regret? Very few, I like to think of myself as a person with no regrets

Weakness: Sometimes I'm very stubborn... I can be very cold, distant, indifferent, I have no problem with killing, perverse and maquiavellic

Biggest Fear: I'm not prone to answering

Something most people don't know: I like sleeping naked/with little clothing

Do you believe in yourself? I wouldn't be alive if I didn't

Zodiac sign: Scorpio (and proud)

Country you would most like to visit: I've been through them all

Favorite actor and actress: Actor- - Johnny Depp/ Actress - - - Keira Knightley

How's your relationship with your parents? Good?

Pepsi or Coke? Coke

Gatorade or Powerade? Gatorade

McDonalds or Burger King? McDonald's

Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

Mac or PC? PC

Dogs or cats? Dogs

Morning or night? Night

Winter or Summer? Summer

Country or Rock and Roll? Rock and Roll

Hugs or Kisses?Kisses (all the time and in various different places)

About the lost message:

I'm kinda sad.

Bye now.

Magnificent & Horrific

2007-04-10T12:41:00.000-07:00

My final exams results are in! I won't deny that I was nervous as I've never been (even more nervous than the first time I rode a dragon). So... I checked.

- Evolution of Techniques & Arts 92

- History of Fantasia III 99

- Agility 101 95

- Weapons of a WarSeer: Level 5 91

- Interpretation of Magical Negotiations 100

- Resistance: Defense & Shielding 97

Not bad, huh? And that's nothing really! I'm just starting university, so there's still a lot to take. I'm almost dying to take the SHADOW classes. I'm going to ROcK that class. I know I sound excited, but I can't help it when it comes to my career. The classes for this semester are all practical, so I'm glad about that. I like the theory, I'm always studying magic and crap, but I prefer to keep myself physically busy. Of all the grades, I'm specially proud of the Interpretaion of Magical Negotiations one. The teacher was a bitch (it's to be expected that a three eyed monster WOULD be a bitch). Since, I'm 419 I've lived most of the negotiations we studied, so it was a piece of cake for me. Well, not because I've lived them, cause there are older people than me at my class, but because I've been a part of them.

TALKING about classes, I have to go ahead to one of them now. Whooo!

Choked

2007-04-07T23:04:00.000-07:00

I choked today. Ha. It was very fun. I almost died. You know, I never thought one of an Ouun's weakness would consist on CHOKING! Well, of course, you think about it... If I get slashed, my skin will heal immediately, I don't regularly get sick... So, I never even considered that choking would actually be of any danger to Me. But Hey, you learn something new every day. Today, I had an excellent experience were I saw my life on the line. Luckily, it was taken care of immediately. I'm okay now. Still shocked, but alive and well. I guess it's hard to kill me. Right.

Talking about weaknesses. I'll analyse mine.

1. I hate cold. I can deal with it, but the colder it gets the worst for me. I can't take cold temperatures.

2. "Circle of the Immortal" an age old spell/seal, which consumes an Ouun entirely. Experts say its impossible to reverse. There have been studies of a slight possibility but the outcome is disastrous. In other words, if you try reversing it, there's a 99.9 percent you get: a. sucked in by it; b. blasted into oblivion. So yeah... once you're sealed, you're a goner. Technically. My mom was sealed away by this spell, but rest assured I'll try to reverse it, even if I have to risk my life on it.

3. "Pure Light", we call it like this anyways. It's a ray of purely ectoplasmatic protons, or something like that. The point is, pure light destroys an Ouun in mere hours. It's lethal. If an Ouun gets hit, the injury is not concentrated; it starts spreading. If I get hit in one finger, that finger is pulverized completely, as if I didn't have a finger anymore. In normal circumstances the skin would just regenerate. However, with Pure light, that tiny finger wound will eventually consume my whole body. It's said to be one of the most painful ways to die.

4. Another way to kill an Ouun is by separating all its extensions. If you cut an Ouuns head, it will keep on living for at least 32 hours more without the body. The body lasts nearly 60 hours without the head, continuously recovering. So... if you cut the head, and separate it for 3 days, you'll have killed an Ouun. Since an Ouun can still use its powers, though, it's tough to maintain the head away from the body. (spooky, I know)

5. Choking! I just learned this one today. An Ouun can choke, since you're not technically wounded, the skin doesn't heal, and you can't take what's blocking your throat away. But I think about it though, there's a reason I never noticed. Ouuns don't NEED food, you feed out of other people's negative energy. We can eat anyways if we want to, because we do have a digestive system. Since I only recently began eating, I only recently discovered this weakness. We don't drown, thankfully, we're usually good swimmers. Here, we find an exception to the cold rule. When our skin touches water, it changes... we adopt to the environment, therefore, cold doesn't bother me under water.

Nice. Isn't it interesting?

Sick...

2007-04-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

Ouuns never get sick; not with human diseases anyways.

I don't get colds or allergies... I'm immune to measles or chicken pox. That's very good news. However, when I DO get sick with something, it gets me bad. I hate being sick, most of the time I end up in bed for nearly a week. Right now, I'm at Imbross with my dad. He's 'watching over me' (although the man can barely watch over himself). My head hurts, I can't stand from bed because I feel everything's spinning, and the worst part... I can't use my powers because they go berserk on me. I'm trying to write... to see if it makes me feel better, but I still feel like my headache gets worst with every minute. To top it all off, it's like I'm hearing more than what I usually hear, and it's a beeping noise inside my head.

I want to call Eric and Ivan, to tell them about this latest outcome. I'm too proud though... I prefer to wait some hours to see if I get better and then I'll just go back to the human world. I don't want anyone worrying over me. Anyways, both of them are bound to appear any second now. They tend to worry when I don't appear.

God. I think I'm going to throw up now. Bye.

Certain Aspects of Me

2007-04-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

I'm bored. I have a three day vacation and have nothing better to do. My old man wants to go hunting tomorrow, but meanwhile, I'm just plain bored. I'm not responsible for what I write... OKAY?

Name: Ashley Vasser

Nicknames: Ash, Ashes

DOB: November 2nd

Type of Blood: Unknown

Age: 419 (19 human years)

Residence: New York, United States

Nationality: Ouun Princess from the Imbross Kingdom.

Allergies: No known allergies

Eye Color: Hazel (Human form), Gold (Ouun form, when very angry they turn reddish)

Hair Color: Brown (Human Form), Crimson (Ouun form)

Skin Color: White (Human Form), Tanned (Ouun form)

Favorite Book: “Catcher in the Rye" J.D Salinger

Favorite Movie: Pan's Labyrinth

Least Favorite Movie: Anything with Jennifer Lopez in it

Favorite Food: Sea food in general and Chocolate

Least Favorite Food: Sweets (except Chocolate which I adore to an extreme)

Favorite Type of Music: Rock and Metal

Least Favorite Type of Music: Country Music... eh... NO

Favorite Color: Black, Blue, Silver

Least Favorite Color: Pink

Favorite Sport: Swimming (Fighting with powers in the Imbross Olympics, Shadow sports)

Least Favorite Sport: Yoga, Pilates (are those even sports!?)

Favorite Song: “Demonheart”, "Teenagers", "Freak On a Leash" etc.

Least Favorite Song: “Oops! I did it again!” (Oops, you did it again alright, you made another CD)

Favorite Anime: Full Metal Alchemist

Favorite City: London, England

Smoker: No (will do it occasionally though)

Drinker: Just socially

Fears: Spiders

Am I forgetting anything? No, don't think so.

Salvation

2007-04-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in a determined religion; at least not a human one anyways. That's why when people ask me "Religion?" I usually remain silent. I'm not an 'atheist', cause I do believe in God, I just don't believe in a series of rituals that will lead me to him. I can't tell you, "Yeah, sure I'm a Buddhist" or "Of course, I'm catholic". Nope. I've never understood human reasoning as I've mentioned in much occasions. Humans look for a way to explain that which reason can't satisfy. It's a matter of 'faith' when it comes to filling in the holes of their existence. They need something in which to believe, but not always do they understand what they're believing in. I come from a world, where faith is of great importance. I believe in God, but not because I need him to support me, or because I think his invincible hand guides me, but because I know that he created our worlds with the purpose of allowing 'life'. I believe, because I chose to do so, giving some meaning to the existence of the place I live in. I don't expect miracles from him, I just know he's watching and that's enough. When you think about it, we've got it easier, we're surrounded by magic, so it's easy to believe in that which is not logical, according to humans.

Still, I respect the human religions. In fact, in various occasions I've studied some aspects about them. Today I was visiting a friend. She's a creature, but nonetheless was born and raised in the human world, so she has a fervent passion for the catholic religion. I was listening to part of today's sermon. My eyesight is like most humans (except that I can see better in the dark than in daylight), but my hearing is extreme... I can listen to murmurs, whispers, the lowest sound in kilometers around. Thankfully, I can decide to 'block' some sounds, but usually, I'm an avid listener (I can listen to dog whistles, isn't that entertaining?).

So I listened to parts of the sermon. 7 words.

Wanting to be Perfect, wanting to be strong, wanting to be loved, forgiving and letting oneself be forgiven. Needing to shine, calling the attention, wanting to be the center, needing to do things right, to do them a determined way, needing to overcome oneself constantly... until one grows to hate that which one becomes. I heard the words silently. It's not about forgiving others, the priest would say, but forgiving oneself. The greatest enemy lies not in a brother, but inside.

The words shocked me, though I didn't want them to even touch me. I'm not perfect. I don't consider myself anything close to perfect. I don't believe I'm my own enemy. But... forgiving oneself? In my case... it's something complicated to understand. I have no regrets, but that doesn't mean that I hurt inside. Destroying everything you lived for, everything those you loved... loved. I wonder... did I forgive myself because of what I did that day? Was it necessary to do so? Duty above anything else. Do I want to forgive myself... or forget?

The sermon ended and my friend turned to me. "How beautiful!" she was exclaiming.

I smiled, but remained silently. No... I don't consider myself an enemy, and I'm glad I could repair things to an extension where they were better than before. I'm not perfect... no, I'm not. I just keep on existing, but since I'm already here I might as well make a difference. I think about who I am, my responsibility goes beyond my person, right to the subjects that have deposited their 'faith' in me.

Long Story

2007-04-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

Today, Eric, Lucy and I headed to the cemetery to pay respect to their grandfather. He died last year due to heart failure. They both adored him; you could say he was the center of the Delton family. Although he wasn't a gentle man, he loved his family and would've done anything for them. In my case, he was the one responsible for allowing me to live with the Deltons in the first place. I must admit he was a very wise man, though maybe at times, too ambitious for his own good. Eric asked me to go with them. Had it been another man, I wouldn't have thought twice in declining the offer. However, we are talking about Anthony Delton, and even I respected the man. That means a lot.

Eric was incredible sad. He didn't cry, but he was very near to. His deep sea eyes were like crystals. I guess I can't blame him, his grandfather was his role model. All his life, Eric sought his approval, and the moment he gets it, he didn't have much time to enjoy it. I felt sorry for him, though he would hate to hear that. He's too proud. It's amazing really... he's the most charming, charismatic, outgoing person I know, he never seems to be broken. When he's with family, though, he lets himself get down once in a while; it's the way he works. When I look at him, I think about a lot of things. He used to be such an immature brat, but he's become so mature and if possible... even more sure of himself. At 22 he's studying in Oxford... Economics and Business. Well, I guess, in part, we owe that to Veronique, who's definitely set him straight in various aspects. Today, Eric told her he would be fine and it would be fast; that's why she didn't come.

Lucy seemed to be handling the pain just fine. She was quiet, dressed in black, and as always looking fashionable. She's also changed so much. Before, I considered her a spoiled bitch with no purpose whatsoever. Now, she's actually someone worth knowing. I guess we owe THAT to her husband, Johnathan. Indeed, Lucy slept with almost every guy in high school. One day, she met Richard... or well she thought it was Richard (Eric's best friend, current Prince of England) and was amazed he was hitting on her, until she found out it was John, Richard's twin. Amazingly, she was repelled by him, which just made things worst. He wanted to sleep with her, she didn't want to be near him, and finally he made her think she was pregnant (he changed the test results without her noticing), tricked her into getting married with him... she didn't talk to him for two weeks, and suddenly it was all great. I really don't understand human relationships, but this one won the championship. Lucy suddenly acquired a sense of responsibility. She was already a famous designer, but with John's help she opened a mega store in Italy and they settled down near by. Now, they're quite the devoted couple. Both of them share such chemistry, you can see it reflected in their eyes.

So there I was with the both of them. We placed some flowers, Lucy and Eric prayed some bit, then each of us left to their own respective places. Eric is currently living in England with Veronique, in a very nice pent house, near Oxford, which he owns. Lucy lives in Italy, as I mentioned, with John, who although a royal of England, decided to live his own life (he's quite the black sheep of the family). I live here in there. My official home is Imbross, where I live at the palace etc. However, I do own an apartment in New York, which I pretty much enjoy. I go to college at my world, then return to my apartment. I guess I love my privacy too. When I get tired of it I'll just go back to my world. Ivan lives near me, so when I don't sleep in my apartment I just stay over at his. After the cemetery, I went to visit him and well, I'm currently at his house, so I might as well cut this story short and leave you all to be. Tomorrow, I'll keep on writing.

Night.

Naughty

2007-04-04T21:47:00.000-07:00

Everything about me is naughty...

Mind you, it's not something I recently discovered, but it's something I've recently wanted to pride over. I'm naughty in every sense: from the childish naughty, where you like to play around with the fools who taunt you, making them pay; to the extremely sexy naughty where you're the one who wants to play and be played around. I just can't help it... I guess it's part of my passionate nature, or my insatiable desire towards everything I want and need. I rather pride myself in being a demon, I love it when people call me dark, mysterious, deadly... it makes me want to demonstrate just how fatal I can be.

I always enjoyed doing things MY way and I have a consuming vindictive spirit. Don't try messing with me, you'll pay. Don't believe me? Ask my dead 'uncles' who betrayed us so long ago. I made SURE their last minutes of life were similar to what hell should feel like, and then I submitted them to a long and very slow death. Some pop corn would've been nice to enjoy the show much better, but hey! not every kill can be enjoyed to its maximum potential. I'm unscrupulous. Most of the time I won't mind what I do to get what I want. Still, it doesn't mean I'll hurt the ones I care for... it just means the ones I don't care for should run for cover.

But yes... I'm naughty. hehe. I like to test my skills and I enjoy parading that I'm good with my talents.

Right. The point of writing this, is that... yeah. More than ever, today I feel very naughty in every aspect. I want to stare into the night sky, surround myself with the loveliness of dark... be made love to without any reserve, wild, passionate, raw... but then again.. my boyfriend will take care of that... Oh yes he will...

-.Liar.-

2007-04-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my brother's birthday. There was a great party in his best friend's palace. We were all there, all of Eric's 'true' friends: which made a total of almost 300 people. Some of them were childhood friends, others from school, high school... university. It was really amazing. It served to remind me just how popular he is. When you meet Eric you immediately feel that you can trust him, and it doesn't shock me that he knows so much people and that every one of them holds him as someone special. Since his bday is on April 1st many of them, as a custom he suggested, tried to play a prank on him. However, nothing worked. That was until we all came together: Lucy (sister), John (sister's husband), Ivan (my boyfriend), Richard (Eric's best friend), Emily (best friend's wife) etc. and formed what we thought was the best plan. (Veronique, Eric's girlfriend, didn't want to participate, she was with him all the time).

With utmost care, as the party was at its climax, we sneaked out. One of Eric's most precious possessions is his AI programmed Blue Angel, who he has named Celine. Richard (knowing how to pilot too) climbed on Celine and disconnected her, so that the alarm wouldn't sound. After that, we planted smoke bombs all around the plane and John fixed the surroundings so that it would appear they were on fire too. We set all the elements in place. Eric would go in, and just as he approaced the plane he would step on a button that would trigger the smoke bomb plus some special effects we added.

We all returned to the party... if we wanted it to work, we HAD to be inside the hall, so that Eric wouldn't be suspicious.

The moment it happened, we rushed outside. One of the smoke bombs had caused the sprinklers to activate (we forgot this little detail). So... there was a REAL Fire. Eric, who's got power over fire, had fainted (great). We eventually fixed things. Eric almost killed us, but I found it rather fun.

I have to admit it... having things going wrong, really makes it all the more enjoyable. (That's not what the rest said, for Richard himself paled and almost fainted, but it's the truth)

My BF - -

2007-03-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

Just a pic of my boyfriend... See? I told you he was handsome! (and I'm not going to list his other traits... I'm a demon after all, I'm not going to go into being stupidly corny)

First University Day - -

2007-03-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

Damn... Damn... Damn...

Not only was I subjected to what must be the most evil piece of stone in the world, I was judged by it! Allow me to explain.

As I stepped into my new university, prepared for any challenge whatsoever, my director and other teachers stopped me and made me join my other companions. In previous entries, I mentioned that my career was not given in the human world but that it involved humans.

I want to be a WarSeer (written just like this mind you). A WarSeer is a professional whose main purpose in life is to maintain the peace between both worlds. They are assigned determined missions to assure this. They are trained with every possible magical technique just to become agents of one world inside the other. Let us remember that most of the creatures who want to destroy my world go to the human world to plan their 'revolution'. In other words, the missions of a WarSeer are highly dangerous... for me... highly entertaining. Anyways, it's probably one of the most demanding careers they teach in my world. When you choose to become one, you're supposed to fulfill a series of requirements: high level magic using, agility and you're supposed to have at least one AAMK (Above average Magical Knowledge).

Thing is... these people take us into a corner, they make us fill a bunch of exams and then this giant stone present before us tell us characteristics of our personality.

What the hell did that good for nothing piece of shit mean by telling me I was 'intolerant'!?! That pisses me off. It did tell me good things, mind you, but THAT comment... Jeez... Anyways, it also said I was:

- Rebellious (true)

- Persistent

- Ambitious

- 'Maquiavellic'

- Valiant (eh??)

And a bunch of other characteristics which I honestly don't care about.

So yeah... it was a pretty interesting day.

With all the new rules and treaties that have arisen with the new kings and queens, humans have been allowed into my world. They must of course, possess some magical skill, they must have previous knowledge of the existence of my world, and they must sign a bunch of contracts compromising their loyalty and obligations and blah blah... Thing is... I'm taking classes with some humans. They're pretty cool though they know very little of this new world they have to visit every day. One of them is a girl from South Carolina, United States. Good God! What an accent! Sometimes I must ask her to repeat herself. Another one is a guy who's half Italian and half french. He's just funny. I'm telling you, humans are so fun. My best friend tells me they're good tasting too, but I'm not a siren, I don't eat humans, just devour they're negative energy.

The day was NON-STOP stress, but after it was over... I felt happy... Satisfied. It was good to be home, among those like me, although I'm technically still living in the human world. My father didn't want a 'princess of Imbross' to live among humans, but I still have two or three things to take care of.

Talking about things to take care of...

He asked me to be his girlfriend.

I was shocked. Speechless. (which is rather strange for me to be)

So... now I have a new boyfriend. Even though he's magical, he's decided to study stocks here in the human world. jeez... I don't know how I ended up with a math loving human. Life just keeps getting more ironic. Nonetheless... we get along wonderfully, and I like to brag him around... he's very handsome after all.

Assault

2007-03-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

Most of the time... you expect things to turn one way.

Personally, I plan most of the things I do. I build a strategy around every one of my objectives. That way I guarantee, some way or another, their further execution. However, as is to be expected from life... things change constantly.

In my previous entry, I mentioned I would study back in my world. Actually, it had been decided that I would still live here, in the human world but just go to my classes according to the schedule. Fine so far. I'd decided to dump my boyfriend (which I did), I had grown tired of him. Just when I thought everything was perfect for me to start getting rid of my human world links... I met him.

How stupid of me to think I was immune to... agh... liking someone a lot.

He's a human, but he's special. He has the ability to control earth. We met purely by coincidence.

But still... I think I'm in love! NO! I'm ALLERGIC TO THAT.

This is the point where I get the feeling... my life is about to change. I hate that feeling: it either involves me destroying something, something being destroyed or people dying etc.

Shit.