I don't believe in a determined religion; at least not a human one anyways. That's why when people ask me "Religion?" I usually remain silent. I'm not an 'atheist', cause I do believe in God, I just don't believe in a series of rituals that will lead me to him. I can't tell you, "Yeah, sure I'm a Buddhist" or "Of course, I'm catholic". Nope. I've never understood human reasoning as I've mentioned in much occasions. Humans look for a way to explain that which reason can't satisfy. It's a matter of 'faith' when it comes to filling in the holes of their existence. They need something in which to believe, but not always do they understand what they're believing in. I come from a world, where faith is of great importance. I believe in God, but not because I need him to support me, or because I think his invincible hand guides me, but because I know that he created our worlds with the purpose of allowing 'life'. I believe, because I chose to do so, giving some meaning to the existence of the place I live in. I don't expect miracles from him, I just know he's watching and that's enough. When you think about it, we've got it easier, we're surrounded by magic, so it's easy to believe in that which is not logical, according to humans.
Still, I respect the human religions. In fact, in various occasions I've studied some aspects about them. Today I was visiting a friend. She's a creature, but nonetheless was born and raised in the human world, so she has a fervent passion for the catholic religion. I was listening to part of today's sermon. My eyesight is like most humans (except that I can see better in the dark than in daylight), but my hearing is extreme... I can listen to murmurs, whispers, the lowest sound in kilometers around. Thankfully, I can decide to 'block' some sounds, but usually, I'm an avid listener (I can listen to dog whistles, isn't that entertaining?).
So I listened to parts of the sermon. 7 words.
Wanting to be Perfect, wanting to be strong, wanting to be loved, forgiving and letting oneself be forgiven. Needing to shine, calling the attention, wanting to be the center, needing to do things right, to do them a determined way, needing to overcome oneself constantly... until one grows to hate that which one becomes. I heard the words silently. It's not about forgiving others, the priest would say, but forgiving oneself. The greatest enemy lies not in a brother, but inside.
The words shocked me, though I didn't want them to even touch me. I'm not perfect. I don't consider myself anything close to perfect. I don't believe I'm my own enemy. But... forgiving oneself? In my case... it's something complicated to understand. I have no regrets, but that doesn't mean that I hurt inside. Destroying everything you lived for, everything those you loved... loved. I wonder... did I forgive myself because of what I did that day? Was it necessary to do so? Duty above anything else. Do I want to forgive myself... or forget?
The sermon ended and my friend turned to me. "How beautiful!" she was exclaiming.
Still, I respect the human religions. In fact, in various occasions I've studied some aspects about them. Today I was visiting a friend. She's a creature, but nonetheless was born and raised in the human world, so she has a fervent passion for the catholic religion. I was listening to part of today's sermon. My eyesight is like most humans (except that I can see better in the dark than in daylight), but my hearing is extreme... I can listen to murmurs, whispers, the lowest sound in kilometers around. Thankfully, I can decide to 'block' some sounds, but usually, I'm an avid listener (I can listen to dog whistles, isn't that entertaining?).
So I listened to parts of the sermon. 7 words.
Wanting to be Perfect, wanting to be strong, wanting to be loved, forgiving and letting oneself be forgiven. Needing to shine, calling the attention, wanting to be the center, needing to do things right, to do them a determined way, needing to overcome oneself constantly... until one grows to hate that which one becomes. I heard the words silently. It's not about forgiving others, the priest would say, but forgiving oneself. The greatest enemy lies not in a brother, but inside.
The words shocked me, though I didn't want them to even touch me. I'm not perfect. I don't consider myself anything close to perfect. I don't believe I'm my own enemy. But... forgiving oneself? In my case... it's something complicated to understand. I have no regrets, but that doesn't mean that I hurt inside. Destroying everything you lived for, everything those you loved... loved. I wonder... did I forgive myself because of what I did that day? Was it necessary to do so? Duty above anything else. Do I want to forgive myself... or forget?
The sermon ended and my friend turned to me. "How beautiful!" she was exclaiming.
I smiled, but remained silently. No... I don't consider myself an enemy, and I'm glad I could repair things to an extension where they were better than before. I'm not perfect... no, I'm not. I just keep on existing, but since I'm already here I might as well make a difference. I think about who I am, my responsibility goes beyond my person, right to the subjects that have deposited their 'faith' in me.
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