Forbidden Words

Rink is currently out at work. I don't know if I've mentioned it before but he's a Technical Race Advisor for the McLaren team, at least for now anyways: he's in charge of training, coming up with possible strategies. He's excellent at what he does. ^^ Rink was the best racer in the world! (and I'm not lying) But, he decided to stop racing... basically because of me... Because he had an accident, forgot me for a year... and well, he told me this (and his face just didn't seem to accept any arguments about it):

"I can't lose you over racing, I'm sorry but no. I'll be an eccentric car collector, I'm already part of history what with that scandal, I still could've won that race and beat the record if I hadn't stopped the car, don't worry about it. I don't need recognition, not at all. I need you."

Almost two years after that.... I still remember those words, just like he said them. Maybe because they were such important words, maybe because at the moment I was desperate for him, more than ever, because I had been so close to losing him.

Now... I have a lot of time to write... And think. It's crazy, all of this... love itself is crazy. I would do anything to see Rink happy, to make him happy, and I want to be there to share that happiness with him. And he IS happy... :) (I'm making extra sure of that ~snicker~). Sometimes I wonder if he would consider going back to racing? It's just a little thought... Does he need it? He's got a higher position than being a racer...

Well, I don't really know... I'll always be there for him and I'll always give him support in anything he might choose. He's my husband, :P I trust him! <--- I've had to repeat this same line about 4 times, since Steven is sitting in front of the comp, in my lap and he's slammed his hands into the keyboard continuously.

Maybe I should do something special for him? Maybe he would like that... If I did something to pleasantly surpise him. I think I can come up with something.

Thinking about myself now... I wonder if I've changed a lot? Obviously my circumstances have changed entirely... but ME, Ashley, have I matured? I'm still very inmature for some things... Sometimes I talk too much, and maybe sometimes I don't understand the things that really happen around me. Then again, I recognize that my priorities have changed entirely. Before, I thought my priority was to the world: that I should return something to it. Now, my priority is my family. It's no use worrying about the past, but I can't help to think "what if this had happened instead of this". Don't take me wrong, I wouldn't want anything changed. I hold no regrets: just wonderings. I think I would've handled things slightly more different, maybe that's what being mature is all about: learning how to handle situations determined ways, trying not to hurt others.

Pfft... AM I REALLY MATURE AT ALL? I don't know, and I'll probably never know, and I'll probably never want to know.

Alright. Alright. I'm writing so much and I still haven't really gotten to the point.

To be brief:

- I'm still sad that I haven't quite made amends with Caterina. For all I'm complaining and stuff, it really sucks not being able to talk with her...

- I read Vero's entry. Maybe it shouldn't matter to me at all... but I REALLY want Vero to be happy, I really want to be a good friend for her!

AM I a good friend? Have I been there when they need me?

Okay. Remind me now. Why am I thinking about all this again?

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What is it with me and pictures lately? XD