The Most Loneliest Day of my Life

The party lasted until 6:00 am. I drank so much, I remember passing out just when we were all laughing and shouting through the streets on our way back to the school. I remember Draven and I laughing and talking about past shit, and then ending up in his dorm. NO. Nothing happened between us. At least, not for now anyways. ugh! Draven and I broke UP almost 6 months ago! I don't want to go back into that relationship!

I don't like looking back into the past.... less alone going back into a relationship that didn't work out. But then again... why didn't it work? Because we're too good friends? Because I know him too well to actually want a long lasting relationship with him? Because I don't even get jealous when other women look at him? Because... God... there's NOTHING new there. I already know everything there will ever be there, I know what I can find: friendship, love, yes tons of it, sex? YEAH. Draven is like MY BROTHER! That's what he is, that's how I see him!! And forgetting the brother metaphor for a second there... talking about SEX.... hell, Draven IS GOOD in bed. I remember that in our good days we practiced the Kama Sutra positions just for the heck of it, and laughing as we practiced. Alright... that was perfect, but... we were doing it... why? Well, because we were horny and he was there and I was there so what the fuck! BUT... there was NO REAL passion, not a desperate need for the other, to feel the other, to be with the other... at least NOT on my side.

Oh Draven. I know you love me, and you want to be with me and YOU promised to always protect me... but.... AH!

I thought about all this the whole morning.

Anyways....

After that, we got called for our first group interview. I had SUCH a headache the whole morning, I went to classes, and after that practically ran towards the beauty parlor. Our interview was at 6:00. I got there on time (thankfully).

I wore this:


It was LONG, but it was a lot of fun.

When they asked me about my favorite bands, or bands that have served as inspiration I answered: Linkin Park, Korn, System of a Down, Evanescence, Within Temptation, My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco, Nirvana, Five and of course classics such as The Rolling Stones, U2, Nightwish etc.

I just wanted to write that down. I realized I admire tons of bands and want to be like them one day, be that famous, do that much.


After the interview, we decided to chill for a while. We needed the rest. Lin and Alex went back to their dorms to get some sleep.


Draven invited me out. "Let's go get a chocolate sundae"

A chocolate Sundae? You mean, one of those glorious ice creams with one ball of pure chocolate, another of white chocolate, a third one of Brownie, all covered with chocolate syrup, then whipped cream, chocolate chips on top and a CHERRY! I stared at him.

"WHAT are we waiting for! Chocolate!" I smiled happily.


He held my hand and pulled me towards him, then wrapped an arm around me.


"I think you'd sell the band for chocolate." he laughed


I pushed him and smirked "My first loyalty lies in chocolate! Mua ha!!"


"Okay, Sundaes are on me!" he grinned

I smiled. In my opinion, it must have looked like a happy smile, but inside I thought it was somewhat sad. There he was. Someone that loved me, that knew me, that cared for me just like I was and I would never reciprocate that. My dear friend... my very own protector. I hugged his arm.

"If you buy me a REALLY big one I'll give you a kiss :P"


We started walking.


"Really? What do I have to give you to get a fuck?" he teased

"Don't press your luck!"

So maybe.... You can't ask THAT much about love. IF you find someone that loves you so much, maybe life's just telling you to accept that. Not that many people find people who love you that much....

<--- Draven and Me taking pictures with our "O" Overdose shirts.... made by us. hehe